Poker is a skill game that involves a lot of luck.
When playing a single hand, the best player in the world may lose to a complete novice. But in the long-term, the skilled player will come out far ahead.
The same is true with picking up women.
Even the smoothest guy in the world might approach a lesbian who wouldn’t sleep with him in a million years. And a nerd who lives in his mother’s basement might meet a supermodel who has a fetish for guys who have nothing going on in their life.
Game is more like playing poker than you’d probably like to admit to yourself.
Understanding the parallels between these two skillsets will help ensure that you win in the long term, just like a professional poker player.
If You Play Enough Hands, You’re Bound To Win Some
Think of approaching a girl like playing a hand of poker.
You may get lucky, and she immediately likes you, and all you have to do to get her on a date is ask.
But many times, the girl you approach is completely unavailable, and no matter what you do or say, she’s not going home with you. She may have a boyfriend; she may be lesbian; she may be in a hurry to do something important.
Game does involve a lot of luck.
Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re in control of all the variables in pickup.
That’s true of a 1-player sport like Golf, but when you’re dealing with the randomness of meeting strangers, luck is a significant factor.
This may seem like bad news in the sense that you can never have a 100% pickup batting average. Even the best dating coaches get rejected all the time.
But it’s also a good thing because it means you can never have a 0% pickup batting average.
Even if your game sucks and you have no clue what you’re doing, you will get good ‘hands’ (probably more often than you think.)
Put simply: A number of the women you approach will find you attractive or be in the right mood to meet a guy.
And when that happens, all you have to do is take the lead.
This is where a lot of guys mess up.
They approach many women, but even when they’re talking to a girl who’s all over them, they don’t end up inviting her back to their place.
At best, they ask for a number (which is better than nothing.
Even if these men do get a date, they still don’t proactively create a situation where hooking up is possible.
If this describes you, it’s the equivalent of playing many hands of poker, but you fold every single time.
Instead of playing your good hands, you assume you’re going to lose and never try.
Conversely, if you take the lead consistently, many of the girls you meet will be happy to go along with you.
Often, all you must do to hook up with a girl is make a move.
You don’t need to know advanced techniques because you got a good ‘hand.’
The key difference here between poker and pickup is that losing hands in poker has significant consequences.
Your feelings may be hurt for a moment, but this is good for you in that it helps you let go of your ego.
This principle explains why many of my 3-day bootcamp clients get laid even when they haven’t hooked up with a girl in over a year (if not more).
Know When To Hold ‘Em, Know When To Fold ‘Em
Your most valuable asset in pickup is time.
The difference between a guy who gets multiple dates with women in a single week and the guy who spends a month spinning his wheels without getting results is efficiency.
On the one hand, I’ve seen men who spend 3 hours at a club standing around staring at girls without talking to them.
On the other hand, I’ve seen guys spend over an hour talking to a girl who already mentioned she was married, and clearly, it was going nowhere.
If you’re going out to meet women, you should spend most of your time doing exactly that.
There’s nothing wrong with shooting the shit with your friends for part of the night, but you don’t want to be lackadaisical with your time, either.
As a rule of thumb, you should spend about 80% of your time out actually interacting with women.
It’s also essential to know when to leave an interaction that’s going nowhere. When you get a bad hand in poker, the best choice is often to fold—the same applies to pickup.
Game is about meeting women who are:
A. Available to you.
B. Have a good connection with you.
Whenever you’re talking to a girl who doesn’t meet those criteria, it’s in your best interest to walk away within a few minutes.
So, when you approach a cute girl, but she immediately brings up that she has a boyfriend, you have a choice to make.
You could tell yourself that she’s just giving you a shit test, and the boyfriend is probably fake. Then you could try to win her over.
But she’s already made it clear she’s not interested in you. Even if she is lying about the boyfriend, she’s still intentionally making herself unavailable to you.
The chances that you’re going to turn the interaction around are low (not zero, but low).
In these situations, it often makes more sense to tell the girl it was nice meeting her before walking away.
Regardless of how you leave the interaction, it’s better to play a new hand when the current one is most likely not going anywhere.
This is also true if a girl is giving you one-word responses and avoiding eye contact.
You can try to turn it around with humor, but in many cases, she’s signaling disinterest for a reason, and you’ll be better off moving on to a new girl.
Even when a woman is clearly attracted to you, it may be best to move on to meet someone else.
For instance, if you meet a girl and it’s going great, but she mentions that she has a flight to catch in 30 minutes, the chances are low that you’re going to make something happen with her.
There’s an art to deciding when to commit to a particular girl versus getting her number and making plans for later.
To be clear, I see more guys miss opportunities by giving up on interactions too early than the opposite. The ability to make a decision that you’re going to try to take a particular girl home (until she rejects you in some way) is essential.
However, there are times when you need to walk away as well.
The key here is to make a habit of finding out what a girl’s logistical situation is.
The best one to start with is one of the following:
“What are you doing later tonight/today?”
“Hey, we’re having a kickback later; you should come.”
If she replies by making herself available (I.E., “I’m not doing anything later, what are you up to?” Or, “Yeah, a kickback sounds fun!” That’s a sign that there’s a good chance you’ll be able to go home with her later, and you should stick with the interaction longer.
Conversely, if she says that she’s too busy for a kickback or that she’s going to sleep early to get ready for work, it’s generally a sign that it’s unlikely you’ll be able to pull her.
In this case, get her number to hang out another time.
It’s crucial to be aware of whether it makes sense to commit to the girl you’re talking to or to move on.
Often, the best decision is to stay with her, but if there’s reason to believe you won’t be able to go home with her, don’t overcommit to a ‘bad hand.’
The correct answer in these situations isn’t always straightforward.
It’s something you’ll get a better instinct for over time.
Just keep the following in mind: I’ve seen many guys have great interactions with girls who seemed open to going home with them, but they just asked for the number to play it safe.
You should regularly meet women who you stick with and invite back home with you (unless you’re opposed to the idea of having one-night-stands).
A lot of men never pull women home because they don’t ask.
Notice whether you’re limiting your results by going for the number when it’s entirely possible you could have made more happen.
Skill + Luck = Success
Pickup involves a lot of luck.
Still, as your skills improve, your ‘success rate’ will greatly increase.
The better you get at understanding what a woman is feeling and how to adjust to it, the more often you’ll be able to lead the interaction forward.
The majority of men who fail to get any results from pickup are the equivalent of a poker player who always folds.
You have to proactively create opportunities with women because societal norms are still such that girls will rarely approach a man or invite him on a date.
It’s great when that happens, but it can’t be relied on.
Besides, when you put yourself out there, you’re taking responsiblity for what happens rather than being a leaf in the wind.
If you enjoyed this article, check out my full-length book for a complete guide on how to pickup women: https://aghayden.gumroad.com/l/thecompletemethod
I also have a YouTube channel that has real-life hidden camera footage of myself approaching women: A.G. Hayden’s YouTube Channel
Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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