I want to give you an inside look at how I approach personal transformation. By reading this, you’ll have a template you can follow to make powerful changes in your own life.
Self-improvement starts with acknowledging what you’re frustrated with – you must admit that you’re making mistakes.
This isn’t to beat yourself up or to pity yourself; it’s to give yourself the necessary emotional leverage to spark a desire to change.
However, that desire isn’t enough. The next step is to create realistic goals that are substantial enough to excite you but not so overwhelming that you burn out.
There’s an art to this, and it’s easy to do wrong.
The temptation to create unrealistic goals is strong because we all want to get to the finish line as fast as possible. But what we hypothetically could do is rarely in line with what we actually will do when. You must consider that our emotions strongly influence our behavior, and they are erratic.
In this article, I’m going to outline the biggest mistakes I’m making in my life right now and how I plan to fix them. I don’t expect that my strategy will be perfect, but it will give you ideas for achieving your own goals.
Laying in bed
My worst habit is spending a lot of time in bed just watching YouTube videos, Hulu, or browsing the internet.
By far, this is my biggest time sink, and if I stopped doing this, I could easily triple my productivity.
To be clear, I think watching an hour or so of TV or playing some video games is fine and can even be relaxing. But I’m doing this out of addiction more than enjoyment; I’ll spend as much as 6 hours a day laying in bed consuming one type of content or another.
This is a habit I’ve had for years, and it’s gotten worse lately because now I’m making enough passive income that I don’t have to work unless I want to.
The key to changing this is to replace the habit with something equally relaxing, but that moves me towards productivity. Instead of starting my day by watching YouTube videos, I will listen to guided meditations or self-hypnosis tapes.
I’m not entirely convinced the self-hypnosis is genuinely helpful for the reasons its proponents claim. However, it is relaxing and gets me in a productive state of mind. Plus, it’s not addictive, so I’m not going to spend hours per day listening to it.
Hopefully, after I listen to some self-hypnosis or meditation audio I’ll be able to push myself to get some work done. If not, I’ll do some reading or watch an educational video first because that’s something that has a lot of value but doesn’t take much effort to do.
My second worst habit is drinking alcohol. I’m not opposed to drinking in moderation; however, I often will have eight or more drinks throughout the night, which causes a lot more problems than it’s worth.
First, it means when I’m out meeting women, I am unable to focus, and my mood is stunted – you can’t get into a flow state when you’re drunk. Sure, you don’t have social anxiety, but your social intuition also goes down the drain.
Second, I feel hungover the next day, and this makes getting any work done far more difficult and feels miserable in general.
Third, I’m putting myself at risk of eventually becoming an alcoholic, which is something I’m highly concerned about because my father’s death was because of his alcoholism.
Fourth, drinking seems to lower my anxiety for a few hours but increases it the next day and over time. My anxiety had been pretty much completely under control until I started regularly drinking recently.
Fifth, it worsens my physical fitness and gets in the way of my weight loss goals.
Sixth, drinks at the Vegas clubs cost $20+, and that adds up quickly.
I started drinking when I moved to Vegas as a form of stress relief, but it’s become a bad habit that I want to drastically reduce.
I’m not getting drunk every night, and I’m not even drinking every night, but I’ve been slowly moving in that direction, and I want to squash this habit before I get there.
One step I can take is to stop buying drinks that I keep in my fridge because the temptation to have one builds up. I can also take it a step further and leave my Debit card at home when I go out so that I don’t have the option of buying drinks while I’m out.
I want to set a goal to completely give up drinking for two weeks as a detox, and after that, I’ll consider allowing myself to drink but with some kind of rule for myself to keep it in moderation.
I have a list of daily habits that I try to accomplish. This can be a useful system to make sure that you’re consistent with your most important tasks.
However, I tend to overwhelm myself with an unrealistic list.
Recently, I’ve had about 13 habits on my checklist, and I rarely complete them all.
That’s a big sign that my system needs to change.
So, I’ve decided to drastically reduce the list to the three things that I believe will have the most impact. Once I feel the habits I currently have are well-established, then I’ll consider adding more.
The three habits I’m focusing on are:
- Either publish a video or article every day.
- No drinking.
Publishing a video or article every day is a sizable task. Still, it’s something I’ve done for about a month straight in the past, and I do make videos pretty consistently, so it’s not too far outside my comfort zone.
It’s also the one thing that will build my business the most.
Plus, when I write articles, I can share them to Reddit to promote my videos. This helps the YouTube algorithm push those videos to new viewers (my channel’s most popular video is one that I promoted on Reddit).
Not drinking will help me for all the reasons I mentioned above, and although it will take some willpower, I think with such a reasonable list of daily habits, it should be doable.
Nofap is something that has a lot of benefits and also increases my energy. It doesn’t require any time, just the exertion of willpower to resist the temptation.
This list of daily habits should be reasonable enough that I can keep up with it and build on it over time. However, if I find myself falling behind, I’ll adjust it.
I have built my online business to a point where I’m getting about 15k/month.
Before my online business, I was a broke college student who had no savings and a sizable amount of debt.
Overall, I’ve made a lot of progress. However, I did this while working an average of 10 to 20 hours per week.
Like I mentioned earlier, I spend more time than that lying in bed watching videos. The balance is off. If I had worked 40 hours or even 60 hours per week in the last two and a half years, I would most likely be making 7-figures by now.
Overall, my goal for productivity is to get to a point where I’m working roughly 40-60 hours a week so that I can reach 6-figures in passive income (currently about 75% of my income is active).
Once I get to that point, I’ll decide whether I want to spend more of my time traveling, hanging out with friends, and relaxing or if I want to spend just as much time working as before.
I’m not going to set a specific goal for this, it’s simply the direction I want to head in and my other daily habits will help me get there.
In terms of game, I’m getting good results and sleeping with new women regularly. However, I’m not pushing myself as I did the last time I was single (about 2016). I want to take as much action as I did back then if not more.
The fact that I have in-person coaching clients every week makes this more difficult but I should make up for that by going to dayclubs as well as going out on Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday. If I do that, I can get far better results than I currently am.
And because my job revolves around teaching men how to attract women, the more action I’m taking, the more insights I’ll get for coaching and making videos. Plus, I can record some of my approaches to make more content for my channel.
I do want to spend some of my days relaxing, however, I want to do this in ways that are healthier for my long-term well-being.
For one thing, I want to relax towards the end of the day when I’ve gotten a lot done as opposed to spending time being a zombie watching random videos before I’ve started my day.
Secondly, I want to relax by meditating, reading, hiking, going on dates, going to the sauna, doing Yoga, and hanging out with friends/family.
I’m not going to set a specific goal for this yet but I’ll keep my long-term intentions here in mind as I add to my daily habits.
My fitness has been stagnant for several months now. I haven’t been gaining weight but I also haven’t lost much weight.
I’ve had a diet plan to consume only 2100 calories per day but that hasn’t been working very well. I think I’ll do better when I’m following a specific diet that will take away the option of eating fast food, sugar, and empty carbs.
I’m going to be using the Slow Carb diet by Tim Ferris. It’s similar to a Keto diet except you’re also allowed to eat beans and nuts plus you get one day per week as a cheat day.
I’m not sure if the science behind cheat days is accurate, but having one day to binge eat does help me stick to the diet in the long term.
Other than that, I’m about to change apartments and I want to make sure that I find one that has a gym. This will make it much easier to work out consistently.
In the meantime, I want to make sure to at least get some bodyweight workouts in every week, I’m thinking I’ll do the Insanity workouts by Beach Body but I’ll start by doing as much as I can before I get exhausted.
Those are my current goals. I’m aware that I may need to adjust them; it’s essential to be prepared to adjust your goals.
The biggest indicators that your goals aren’t working are:
1.You’re not following through.
If you have a goal to go to the gym four times a week, but you’re only going once, your goal is probably too overwhelming and needs to be adjusted.
Start with one day per week and then increase it over time. Similarly, if you’re planning on writing a book within three months, but two weeks have passed, but you’re still on the first page, you may need to add checkpoint goals for the progress you want to make each week or each day.
2. You feel emotionally overwhelmed when you finish working on a goal.
There was a point in my life when I was working out four hours per day. I was making rapid progress towards my weight loss ambitions. But I felt so stressed after I finished my workouts that I eventually burned out. It was too far outside my comfort zone and my emotions fought back. I ended up giving up the habit and regaining all the weight I lost. Your goals should be somewhat stressful at first, stress is part of the process of change. However, if you feel overwhelmed and each day you’re looking forward to the tasks you have planned less and less, that’s a sign you need to adjust your goals. Maybe 1 hour a day of recording videos for YouTube is too much and you need to reduce it to 15 minutes.
With that out of the way, let’s look at the things I want to change in my life right now and the goals I’m going to set to accomplish that.
Remember, the first key to making any change in your life is to admit there’s something your dissatisfied with. From there, you can design habits and goals that will move you from where you are to where you want to be.
Understand, this task is difficult. Our emotions and our logical desires often clash. We want to achieve our goals as quickly as possible but our unconscious mind resists fast change, it wants us to conserve energy as much as possible.
The art to change is acknowledging that emotional resistance is a real barrier but that you are capable of improving at a steady pace if you prioritize disciplined, consistent goals over seeking immediate results.
Generally, any habit you develop will be challenging at first, but if you do it enough times you will start looking forward to it. What started as a source of stress becomes a source of stress-relief.
Be flexible with your methods, but when you have a goal in mind determine that you’re going to continue pursuing it until you reach it. The mistake people often make is to give up on a goal as soon as their initial strategy fails. Don’t give up on the goal itself, change your approach. If your diet isn’t working, try a different diet, add cardio to your routine, or hire a personal trainer. It’s rarely the goal that’s the problem, it’s the method.
With that said, expect to have a lot of roadblocks and periods of frustration in which you’re not getting satisfying results. This is par for the course and few people accept it and determine to continue past these pain periods. However, if you expect them and decide to push through, your results will be vastly better than you expect.
I myself make plenty of mistakes in regards to my self-improvement goals. However, because I’ve been persistent over the years, I have made an incredible amount of progress – I’ve gone from flat broke to making 6-figures, I’ve gone from being someone diagnosed with social anxiety who hadn’t even kissed a girl to a guy who has no shortage of options in dating, and I’ve gone from obese to a healthy weight.
Don’t expect to be perfect, but if you are determined to achieve your goals regardless of any difficulties you face, you will eventually achieve them.Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
Get your free book: The Psychology of Seduction
Learn how to use proven psychological principles to attract women. In this book, you will learn:
1. How to increase your value using the power of scarcity.
2. How to use The Pygmalion Effect to make anyone like you
3. A simple psychological trick to prevent women from flaking on you.
4. And much more.
Thank you for subscribing.
Something went wrong.