How To Pick Up Girls In Bars
In any decent-sized city, beautiful women congregate in bars by the thousands. Girls go to clubs for a variety of reasons: some go to hang out with friends, others go for a date night, but many go specifically to meet guys – and even get laid.
When a woman wants to meet someone new, the most societally acceptable option is to go to a bar or club. Because of this, the social dynamics in a nightclub are radically different from those in a daygame venue.
When you approach a girl at a university campus, she’s probably alone and isn’t expecting to get approached. However, if you walk up to a girl in a club, she’s already been approached several times within the last hour. Furthermore, beautiful women are rarely by themselves at a club, so you must learn how to deal with the group dynamics.
Because of the inherent differences between daygame and nightgame, it’s essential to adjust your strategy for each. At night, it’s more likely you’ll meet a girl who wants to go home with a guy, but the chaos of nightclubs can be overwhelming, and if you don’t know how to make the most of your nights out, you can easily miss countless opportunities.
This chapter is your blueprint for getting the best results possible when you go out to meet women in bars or clubs. Whether you’re looking for a girlfriend or a string of one-night stands, this chapter includes everything you need to know to achieve your goal.
1. Before You Arrive
A lot of guys who go out to meet women don’t bring condoms with them. That only makes sense if you’re playing STD bingo. Would a guy who expects to get laid have condoms with him? Of course he would.
You should always have condoms in your wallet (or a condom case); you never know when you might need them.
Should You Drink?
Alcohol is a crutch. It increases your confidence, which can help you get immediate results. But there are consequences to getting drunk when you go out.
Alcohol limits your ability to learn from your experiences (because you won’t remember much). Plus, when you’re drunk, it’s difficult to think ahead or be fully aware of what’s going on around you.
Furthermore, if you rely on alcohol as a crutch, you will associate meeting girls with drinking. You might be a confident risk-taker while drunk, but not when you’re sober.
Having a couple of drinks when you go out isn’t damaging, but if you’re getting wasted, alcohol will do more harm than good in terms of learning how to pick up girls in bars.
2. Physical Escalation: Night Game Vs. Day Game
In a hectic nightclub environment, it’s normal to be physical with someone you’ve just met. For instance, you might put your arm over a girl’s shoulder and lean in close to talk to her (so she can hear you over the music).
Or, if you approach a girl and she’s responding positively, you might lean in to kiss her within a few minutes of meeting her.
The same isn’t true when meeting women in a casual daytime environment (a university campus, shopping mall). If you’re in a cafeteria, you’re probably not going to whisper into a girl’s ear or grind on her.
Don’t think of dancing with a girl or making out with her as necessary steps for bringing her home with you. However, physical touch is definitely useful: it can build sexual tension and help you get an idea of how comfortable a girl is with you.
Throughout an interaction, you can physically escalate: at first; you might touch a girl’s arm or shoulder, then you might hold her by the waist. Afterward, you might hold strong eye contact and kiss her.
If at any point she rejects your touch, that’s fine; just be respectful about it and take a step back. You can re-initiate physicality later in the interaction to see if she’s more comfortable with it, and if not, it’s generally a good idea to verbalize what you’re thinking.
You can say, “Sorry if I’m doing something you don’t like.” Saying this will prompt her to explain what’s going through her head. She may say she has a boyfriend or that she is uncomfortable touching someone she just met. Depending on her response, you’ll know whether you should move on to another girl or if you should just take things slower in terms of physicality.
By gradually escalating in this way, you can be confident that the girl you’re with is on the same page you are. You’re not randomly going for the make-out. You know she’s comfortable with your touch by the time you lean in for the kiss.
When you’re talking to a girl, you’ll usually have to take the lead physically, but you should also be the first to take a step back physically, as well. For example, if you’re making out with a girl, lean away before she does. Or, if you are holding a girl by the waist, be the first to let go.
This is a useful rule of thumb for two reasons.
- If you don’t pull away from a girl, she may start to feel uncomfortable; it’s like you’re clinging on to her.
- When you pull away first, the girl is incentivized to chase you. Dancing or making out with someone feels good, and if you take that pleasurable feeling away, she’s going to want to get it back.
So, don’t just escalate physicality, pull it away, too.
3. Structuring Your Night Out
The social dynamics in a club change throughout the night.
When a club first opens, the energy is low: no one is really in a party mood yet.
But as the night goes on, the club becomes increasingly hectic: people start grinding on the dance floor, and total strangers make out with each other.
These are usually defined-quite simply-as the first half of the night and the second half of the night.
If you want to get the most out of your nights, you should change your strategy for each of these phases.
It’s somewhat rare to bring a girl home early on in the night, so the most efficient use of your time during this phase is to start meeting people, get yourself into a positive state, and collect ‘leads’ for later in the night.
As the night goes on, your focus should shift to choosing a girl you plan on going home with (if you aren’t interested in one-night stands, it’s still a good idea to bring a girl back home with you to establish a strong connection, just don’t escalate all the way to sex).
In the following sections, you’re going to learn how to structure your nights out so that:
- The dynamics of the club work in your favor.
- You have as much fun as possible.
- You have the highest possible chance of sleeping with (or getting dates with) attractive women.
4. First Half of The Night
If you’re anything like me, you’re not going to be in a particularly outgoing mood when you first arrive at a club. Therefore, your first goal should be to get yourself into a state that will make approaching and attracting women effortless and enjoyable.
When you first arrive at a bar or club, start implementing the process I outlined in the social momentum chapter. To recap, the three rules for building social momentum are:
- Spend as little time between each approach as possible. If you go from approach to approach without hesitation, you will overwhelm the thinking mind and enter a state in which your usual doubts and anxieties vanish.
- Start with small, noncommittal approaches and push each interaction further than the last. For your first approach, you might simply tell a girl you like her style as you walk by. That’s okay; it helps build momentum, which will make the next approach easier. Just make sure to push your interactions further as the night goes on. (And when a girl responds positively to you, try to make something with her even if you’re feeling nervous .)
- Embrace Rejection. On a night out, you might approach 30 girls, but you can only go home with one of them. Technically, that means you’re going to get “rejected” 29 times. If you take each rejection seriously, approaching women will quickly become exhausting. When a girl rejects you, tell yourself, “That was a ten out of ten because I tried.” Remind yourself to focus on the positive – you didn’t fail when you got rejected, it was actually an essential step toward success.
If you follow the above steps, your emotional state will dramatically improve throughout the night.
I cannot exaggerate the power of social momentum. Once, I went to a club with a friend and showed him how to build momentum. Afterward, he said, “That was unbelievable. I probably took more action in that one night than I did in the last six months. This changes everything for me.”
Two nights later, this same guy (who had never brought a girl home from a club before) finally did so by implementing the three steps for building social momentum.
As useful as momentum is, you mustn’t use it as a crutch. It would be a mistake to think, “She’s hot, but I’m not in a good enough mood to approach her, I’ll wait until later when I have momentum.”
Even if your first approaches are a bit awkward, you can always re-approach a woman you met at the beginning of the night.
Once, in Las Vegas, I approached a stunning girl early in the night, but I was nervous, and she rejected me.
For the next 30 minutes, I approached a variety of women and got into a confident state. Afterward, I saw her again and re-approached her. The dynamic completely shifted, and within 20 minutes, I whispered into her ear, “Let’s get out of here,” and we went back to my hotel room.
So, when you see a hot girl early in the night, approach her even if you’re not in the best mood. There’s a good chance you won’t see her later (which means if you don’t approach her immediately, you’ve lost your only opportunity to meet her.) Besides, if you do see her later, you can approach her again, and the dynamic will be completely different.
If you meet a girl at 11 p.m., it’s somewhat unlikely you’ll have a 3-hour long conversation with her and then bring her home with you.
With that said, it is possible to pull a girl early on in the night. So, you should follow the steps you’re going to learn in the “Second Half of the Night” section of this chapter (even when you meet a girl at the beginning of a night out). Just know that the chances of pulling are lower, and if she gives you any resistance, it’s better to get her number and move on rather than spending the whole night with her.
To do this, I say something like, “Hey, it’s been cool talking to you, but I should get back to my friends. What are you doing later tonight?”
If she says she’s busy, invite her to get coffee or a drink with you on another day. However, if she’s not sure what she’s doing, tell her there’s an after-party later that she should come to. Then, exchange numbers with her.
By using this strategy, you can get five or even ten numbers every night you go out. Furthermore, towards closing time, you can text the girls you met throughout the night and bring one of them home with you,
5. Different Groups
Girl By Herself
If you see a girl at a club by herself, understand, she’s probably not actually by herself. In most cases, she’s waiting for her friends. When you approach a girl who’s alone, it’s crucial that you quickly ask, “Where are your friends?”
If the girl is waiting for her friends to find her, you can get to know her and make a strong impression while she waits. When the friends show up, be proactive about introducing yourself to the group. Hang out with the group for a while and do your best to be inclusive and friendly while still focusing most of your attention on the girl you like.
After about 5-10 minutes, you should invite the girl to go to another area of the club with you to see if she’s willing to leave her friends. If she declines, it’s often best to chat for another minute or two before getting her number. Conversely, if she agrees to leave her friends to hang out with you, then follow the steps outlined in the pulling chapter.
If you ask a girl, “Where are your friends?” and she says she’s looking for them, you should help her find them. Ask where her friends are and lead the girl towards them. Once you find the girl’s friends, do the same thing as in the previous situation.
If a girl says she isn’t with anyone, that’s generally a good sign. It’s fairly rare for women to go to clubs by themselves, but when they do, they’re likely to be interested in going home with a guy because:
a. There’s no one to judge her.
b. It’s simple logistically.
c. If a girl goes out by herself, she’s probably adventurous and independent (those traits are correlated with having a positive attitude towards casual sex).
There’s nothing special you have to do when you meet a girl who’s by herself. If you find her attractive, your goal should be to stick with her and pull her instead of just getting her number. I’ve noticed that women who go out by themselves rarely stay out for the entire night, so if you get her number to hang out with her later that night, it’s unlikely that she’ll be available (there’s a good chance someone else pulled her).
When girls go out in pairs, they’re usually hoping to meet guys, flirt, and possibly even go home with someone.
When you go out with a wing, you can expect many of your pulls to be with groups of two girls. However, if you’re at a club alone, meeting a girl who’s with a friend is a bit more complicated.
If you’re by yourself and you approach two girls, be careful not to alienate one of them. Generally, you should make it clear which of the two girls you’re interested in by flirting with her more directly (hold stronger eye contact, be more physical, and be more dominant).
However, you must also include the other girl in the conversation by asking her questions and being friendly with her. If you don’t do this, the friend will quickly grow to dislike you, and she will likely come up with an excuse for why they both need to leave you.
If you’re out by yourself, the best option when dealing with two women is generally to exchange numbers with the girl you like and to create plans for another day.
That said, although it’s not easy, it is possible to pull a group of two girls while you’re out alone.
The first way is to find a wingman in the club. Look for a guy who’s by himself or who looks bored and introduce him to the second girl. This can work; however, you can’t rely on random guys in a club to be effective wingmen – so it’s a hit-or-miss strategy.
Alternatively, you can leave the club with both girls. Pulling two girls by yourself is complicated, and it doesn’t always work out, but sometimes trying this is worthwhile. The key here is to make the friend like you so much that she’s okay with being the third-wheel romantically. Pay attention to her, compliment her, make her feel interesting. Do this well enough, and she will be enthusiastic about the idea of her friend hooking up with you.
Three or More girls
When you’re out alone, approaching a group of three or more girls is actually simpler than approaching two girls.
If you approach two girls, you have to keep both of them engaged in the conversation. However, when you talk to a girl who’s in a larger group, the rest of the group can keep each other occupied.
When approaching a group of girls, approach the girl you like without addressing everyone else.
You can basically interact with the girl as if she were by herself. If the other women in the group are paying close attention to you, acknowledge them in a friendly way.
Generally, it’s a good idea to befriend the entire group so that they approve of you hanging out with their friend. With that said, you can often pull a girl who’s in a larger group without even acknowledging anyone other than the girl you like.
There aren’t any specific techniques you need to learn to make a group of girls like you; it comes down to offering value – make them feel good around you, and they’ll like you (return to the offering value chapter to learn more about this).
The main difference between a group of girls and a group with both men and women is psychological – it can be more intimidating to approach a group with guys.
Generally, the strategy for approaching a mixed group is similar to approaching a group of girls. However, you need to find out the nature of the relationships in the group. You can simply ask, “So, how do you know these guys?” Or you can address the group and say, “How do you guys know each other?”
If it turns out the girl you like is with her boyfriend, it’s best to leave. If not, you can treat the interaction just like it were a group of girls, with one exception: it’s more important to acknowledge the men in a friendly way. As a rule of thumb, guys in a group are more likely to be antagonistic towards you than women. (There’s a decent chance that one of the men has a crush on the girl you’re interested in.)
Fortunately, a guy will rarely start a fight with you out of nowhere. However, some men will be aggressive. When this happens, I recommend you just back off and leave the girl; otherwise, you risk getting kicked out of the club or potentially getting into a fight.
More often than not, the guys in a mixed group will be friendly, but be prepared for the occasional confrontation (In all my years of going to clubs, I haven’t gotten into a single fight).
Girl With A Guy
During the day, approaching a girl who’s with a guy is rarely worth it. However, in bars and clubs, approaching a girl and a guy who are together is much more likely to work out in your favor.
Yes, there’s a chance she’s with her boyfriend, but there’s also a good chance she’s with a male friend or some random guy she just met in the club.
When approaching a girl with a guy, your first goal is to find out the nature of the relationship.
If it turns out they’re a couple, politely excuse yourself.
If it turns out they’re friends or relatives, do the same thing you would if the girl were with a female friend.
If the girl just met the guy in the club, ignore him – take up all of her attention and lead her away from the other guy. It would be polite to involve him, but it’s not going to help you in any way, and when you’re assertive, the other guy will leave more often than not.
When the guy leaves, proceed as if the girl were by herself.
Girl Who’s Walking
When a girl is walking through a bar or club, she has a goal – she’s meeting someone, going to the bathroom, etc. If you try to stop her, she’s going to see you as an obstacle, and she will most likely reject you by default.
Instead of trying to stop her, walk with her and find out where she’s going. If she’s meeting her friends, go with her. If she’s going to the bathroom, make a good impression so that you can reconnect later (and, if possible, get her number).
Of course, if the girl slows down and gives you her undivided attention, you can stop her for a minute, but you still need to find out if she’s going somewhere (if she’s not, you can take her to the dance floor or another area where you can talk).
6. The Second Half of The Night
The second half of the night starts when the club has reached its peak energy level and finishes when the club closes.
In the first half of the night, you built social momentum and exchanged numbers with many different girls. Once the energy in the club reaches its peak, you should shift gears and make a conscious choice that you’re going to stick with one girl until she either goes home with you or rejects you.
Often, the best way to find a girl to commit to is by texting the girls you met earlier who:
a. You’re the most attracted to.
b. Have the best logistical situation.
To do this, you can simply send a text saying, “Hey, where are you right now?” Or, “Hey, I want to see you before I head out.”
If a girl replies, you can meet her to spend the rest of the night with her. If none of the girls you text reply, that’s okay, keep approaching women. Then, when you meet a girl who you’re attracted to and who also has decent logistics, commit to staying with her for the rest of the night.
Once you’ve committed to a girl, follow the steps outlined in my article about pulling.
What matters is that you make a clear decision: you’re either pulling this girl, or she’s rejecting you. The act of committing to one woman will get you much better results than constantly switching from one girl to another. A lot of the time, pulling a girl home will be messy. And if you give up as soon as an obstacle comes up, you will miss countless opportunities.
Most of the attractive women in a club will be gone about an hour before it closes. Because of this, it’s generally best to commit to a girl when there is some time left before the club closes: if you wait too long, there won’t be many options left.
No matter how skilled you become at attracting women, you won’t be able to pull a girl home with you every night you go out. You may commit to a girl whose logistics make it impossible for her to go home with you, or you may have an off-night in which you get rejected by every girl you approach.
This is normal; there are too many random factors outside of your control to be able to sleep with an attractive woman every time you go to a club. However, with enough skill, you will be able to pull consistently. For reference, when I go out, there’s about a 60% chance I’ll pull a hot girl.
Because pulling involves a certain degree of randomness, it’s crucial that you spend the first half of your nights out exchanging numbers with multiple women. Therefore, even if you don’t pull, you’ll still be able to set up dates for the coming week.
You now have a complete step-by-step blueprint for how to meet women at bars and clubs in a way that will not only be fun, but that will also allow you to get whatever results you want.
So long as you put the fundamentals of game into practice and execute the steps outlined in this chapter, you will get consistent results – whether that be pulling beautiful girls home with you, going on an endless stream of dates, or finding a girlfriend.
If you found this article useful and you want my best content, check out https://thefivepillarsofgame.com/p/tfp. In my online course, you will not only get a complete step-by-step guide to getting the success with women you want. You’ll also see hidden camera examples of myself approaching women (and even bringing them home with me).
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