This is a guest post by internationally renowned dating expert, Ciaran Callam
OK so before I get started, let me say for those who haven’t read my past posts that female attraction works differently to the male counterpart.
Guys are attracted to physical signs of youth and fertility which basically say ‘I’ve got a strong and healthy body that can give birth to strong and healthy children.’, but girls are attracted to characteristics that imply that a man can (a) protect them, and (b) provide for them and said children.
This means that girls are way less concerned with a man’s looks than we care about theirs and more concerned with his personality and social status. Sure, if everything else is equal, they’ll usually pick the hot guy over the ugly guy; but if said ugly guy has his shit together he can blow the hot guy out the water quicker than Mia Khalifa can blow 4 well hung men on camera.
If a guy and a girl both want to attract/seduce loads of members of the opposite sex to the point where they’re begging to have them then they’d have to go about it differently. The guy would best spend his time creating a dynamic personality while the girl would best spend her time crafting a killer body and beautiful face. That might be un-pc to say, but it’s still true whether we want to admit it or not.
With that in mind, here are 13 tips you can use to make the women you encounter actively want you sexually. Enjoy.
Have a life that you’re passionate about
If there’s one thing girls hate, it’s guys who don’t have lives of their own and seek validation through them.
You know, guys who have nothing going on and need the love of girls to fulfill deep, dark, cavernous voids in their souls.
Not only do women think it’s boring and pathetic, but it doesn’t convey that you’ll be of any use to them whatsoever.
Women are attracted to strong men who can protect and provide for them so if you’re lonely, empty and weak enough to need them to validate your existence then it doesn’t really imply that you can do either of those things.
But on the flip side, if you’re out there living your best life and loving it in the process, then that’s immensely attractive. It doesn’t really matter what you do either (within legal reason), what matters is that whatever you do means a lot to you and that you love doing it.
If you’re taking part in book clubs, learning yoga, playing football, writing poetry, building cars in your garage, campaigning against animal cruelty or training for marathons then throw yourself into it 1000%.
No girl will respect or want you if she gets the opinion that you’re willing to drop your life for her at the drop of a hat, but she will if she gets the idea that you’re a man on his own path and won’t deviate from it for anybody.
Let’s say you’re trying to arrange a time and date to hang out and she suggests a day that clashes with you and your niece’s monthly cinema trip, well don’t drop your lovely little niece for some girl you hardly know.
Tell this woman that you can’t do that day because of you’re taking your niece to the cinema and suggest another time. And yes; I’m literally suggesting that you tell a hot girl that you can’t meet her because you’re taking your niece out for for a movie and ice cream. The sheer integrity of that in conjunction with the other reasons I listed above will make her respect and want you more.
Don’t put them on pedestals
Like I alluded to in the last tip, women hate being placed on pedestals even though they’ll rarely admit it.
If you tiptoe around them for fear of hurting their feelings and ‘ruining things’ then they’ll pick up on it and lose attraction for you.
What they are attracted to are guys who tell it like it is and aren’t afraid to put them in their place.
FYI, that’s part of what’s exciting about bad boys, a bad boy isn’t going to water himself down in any way to make a girl happy. He’s going to be himself, say what he wants and expect her to either like it or leave, which is exactly the type of energy that makes them want him so much.
If you’re so scared of a girl that you dance around her feelings and bow down to her wishes because you can’t bear to lose her then that implies that you think she’s above you and you’re really lucky to have her. The sad truth is that girls aren’t attracted to guys they think are beneath them, they date up and not down.
Have firm boundaries and principles
Do you know who you are and what you will and won’t stand for?
If not then figure it out because no girl will respect you if you don’t.
If she acts like a bitch then don’t put up with it. If she takes advantage of you then don’t let her get away with it, tell her that you just don’t tolerate that behaviour and be prepared to walk away if she doesn’t fix up.
Let’s say she laughs at a disabled person when you’re together and you’re really offended by it, then open your mouth and call attention to that shit.
Make sure she knows that what she did wasn’t acceptable. Put her in her place. Don’t pretend to go along with it just because you want to sleep with her. Let her see and realise that you’ve got strong boundaries that you’re not prepared to cross and she’ll want you much more as a result.
Girls aren’t delicate little perfect angels, they’re human beings that piss, fart, and shit just like you so don’t forget that.
Be congruent at all times
The term congruence basically refers to having body language and vocal tone that match the words coming out of your mouth. 93% of all communication is non-verbal and that means that the majority of the impression that a girl has of you comes not from what you say, but from how you say it, as well as how you act.
So let me give you an example of how this looks in action.
If you’re trying to give the impression that you’re cool and confident, but you’re really not, glimmers of self-doubt will keep registering on your face and let her know that you’re not being congruent.
If someone asks how you are and you say you’re fine but it’s obviously a lie then you’re not being congruent.
Women pick up on things like this much easier than we do. It’s almost like they have inbuilt congruency detectors to see if a guy really is the person he’s claiming to be.
When your words, vocal tone, facial expression, and body language are all in alignment with each other, you’ll be completely congruent and extremely attractive.
Be emotional rather than factual
Women are largely emotional creatures and a man that can spike those emotions will go a large way to making them want him.
Ever heard the song girls just want to have fun?
Well, there’s a lot of truth to it and it’s especially true when they’re dealing with guys.
- Do you communicate in a way that’s dry, formal, professional and uninteresting?
- Are you serious at all times?
- Do your conversations sound like job interviews?
- Do you only talk about sensible topics and in a monotone way to boot?
- Is your body language shallow and reserved?
If so you might want to learn to let go because it’s hurting your chances with girls. Have fun, sing songs, take them by the hands and spin them around in circles, tell stories with suspenseful pauses and strong eye contact, get excited, raise your voice, lower it to a whisper give them nicknames, tease them and basically just learn to be a fun guy they can enjoy being around.
Amuse yourself and not them
When you say something funny, are you saying it to make yourself laugh or to make her laugh?
If you’re doing it for her then you might want to give that a rest because doing so communicates a need for her approval which is inherently unattractive.
But what is attractive is the concept of self-amusement which means to do and say things purely because they entertain you and not her.
This might seem a bit counter-intuitive but when a girl is with a guy who’s happy in his own skin and actively giving himself a good time she finds it compelling even if she’s not actively laughing along with him.
There’s just something about a man who’s confident enough to not need her approval one bit and who can get by purely on his own that’s magnetic. Stop trying to impress her and instead try to impress yourself. That subtle distinction will make all the difference.
Pass her shit tests
When girls are screening guys they’re interested in, they usually throw something called a shit test their way.
This is basically a mild but subconscious insult which is designed to test his confidence levels and make sure that he’s really as masculine as he’s pretending to be.
Loosely put, if he gets offended and insecure then she loses attraction for him, but if he’s completely unaffected by it then her attraction increases as it demonstrates strong masculine energy.
Here are some examples of shit tests:
- You’re too short.
- You’re too old.
- You’re too bald.
- I usually go for hotter guys than you.
- We’re not having sex tonight.
Now there are 4 main ways to pass shit tests, which are:
- Ignore completely (change the topic of conversation as if what she said had no consequence whatsoever).
- Disagree outrageously (‘Older??? What the heck are you talking about? I’ve just turned 13 last week!’).
- Interpret sexually (I am older but I’m not here to fulfil your unresolved daddy issues, OK? So keep your hands to yourself!’).
- Agree and exaggerate (‘I am too old! Call me granddaddy and rub my wrinkly bald head!’).
Lead the interaction
Which one of you is subtly leading the interaction when you’re together?
Are you the one suggesting date locations, bringing up new conversation topics, and making the first moves either sexual or otherwise, or is it her?
Women like men who lead and if you’re hanging back to let her take the reins then not only will she resent you for it but her pussy will dry up like the Sahara desert.
A girl wants to be swept up in an experience that you’re creating for her but what that experience is isn’t quite as important as how it’s delivered. She just wants to know that you’re in the driving seat and in full control with your hands on the steering wheel at all times. Lead her with confidence.
Be socially affluent
Are you a social guy who gets on with people?
If so then that’s something that women absolutely adore. If the girl you’re on a date with sees you cracking a joke with the waitress who’s serving you or posting pics and videos of you in the middle of cool social events on IG then it’ll communicate that you’re a cool guy with an active social circle and that will make her want you more.
Like I said before, girls just wanna have fun and one thing that really gets them going is playful teasing.
But when I say playful teasing, that’s exactly what I mean, playful and not bad-natured.
We’re not talking playground bullying, but more like loving big brother or older uncle teasing. It shows that you don’t take yourself too seriously, don’t take them too seriously, and aren’t in the least bit intimidated by them. All of the above is very attractive.
Here are some examples of how you could tease a girl:
– Deliberately misconstrue things she says in a playful way:
HER: He pissed me off so much that I just had enough and told him to fuck off and suck my dick.
HER: I know, right? How annoying can someone be?!*
YOU: Nah it’s not that.
HER: What is it?
YOU: You might be the hottest pre-op transsexual I’ve ever seen.
-Deliberately but subtly guide her into obstacles when you’re walking together.
-Playfully make imitate her accent.
-Give her a cute nickname
-Look her in the eyes like a man.
Strong eye contact is known as a sign of dominance in the animal kingdom and we humans are no different.
When two people look at each other, the one who feels inferior will get anxious and inevitably look away and that’s why there’s always this weird power play dynamic going on when two male strangers lock eyes in the street.
If you can look a girl right in the eyes without flinching and with pure confidence, she’ll start to see you as a strong, dominant powerful man and will most likely get turned on.
Now just to clarify, I’m not talking about getting into weird staring contests or looking at them with a creepy agenda, I’m just talking about being comfortable looking deep into her eyes and having her look right back at you. It’s something that makes weak men have panic attacks but I promise you that it makes girls melt.
Don’t be afraid to touch her
That’s right, I said that touching a girl is a great way to make her want you.
But before you attack me for being creepy let me clarify that I’m not saying that you should touch her in an inappropriate way.
Should you just grab her breast randomly?
Probably not, but should you grab her hand, pull her in close, dance the tango, spin her in a circle and then push her away playfully?
Yeah you probably should.
Should you put your arm around her shoulder when you’re walking together?
Indeed mon frere.
If she doesn’t like it you can pull away and if she does, it’ll deepen your connection.
Should you take her hand and read the wrinkles in her palms to predict her future
Should you start a playful fist fight with her and jab her shoulders while she eagerly tries to throw haymakers at your chest?
Without a shadow of a doubt.
Physical touch is fun and exciting and if you want a girl to actively desire you then you don’t be afraid to do it.
Have other girls in your life
Loosely put, a girl will want you more if she thinks other girls like you and the prettier those girls are the better.
Yeah, that’s not politically correct to say, but it’s still damn true so do with that info what you will.
If you’re out with a pretty female friend and then approach another girl, that girl will be way more interested in you than she would have been if you were on your own.
The presence of the female friend will basically do away with any fears she might have of you being a weirdo and also suggest that you’re a cool guy too.
Remember that girls like men with status and being preselected by other women is a great way to convey said status because all girls know how particular girls are about the guys they hang around with.
So if a girl asks you what you got up to last night and you happened to be chilling with a female friend, tell her.
If some of your female friends have invited you to a party then take a girl that you’re interested in and let her see you surrounded by women who love your company. Take pictures and videos of you with your female friends at this and at any other parties you go to and post them on your social media.
If the girl you’re interested in gets the impression that not only do you not need her, but other girls want you and that you could easily walk away into the arms of one of them then she’ll be far more attracted to you than if the opposite was true.
Of course, there are loads more things you could do to make a girl want you but this article is long enough as it is. Hope you’ve enjoyed reading it and gotten real value from it.
If you like what you’ve read and want to learn more about attracting women, I’ve got a private [Facebook community](https://www.facebook.com/groups/crushingitwithwomen/) full of men who are learning to become the best versions of themselves. A real brotherhood with daily gems of value posted. I also have a brand new YouTube channel that is going to have videos of myself attracting women (I have a video coming up in which I give a model an orgasm over Tinder before we even met).
Subscribe, here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_JWOFGVx9r_JNYZCuqvrHw
Also, RIP STAN LEE!
Ciao for now humans.
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