How To Fuck A Woman (for the first time)

So, you’ve pulled a girl a private location.

Now what do you do?

How do you escalate towards sex in a way that is both respectful and attractive?

Going home with someone can be uncomfortable—for both you and the girl. On your end, there’s the pressure to perform, there’s the vulnerability of getting naked in front of someone, and there’s the possibility of rejection. For the girl, there are all those things in addition to the physical risk of being alone with someone twice her size.

Because of this, the key to learning how to fuck a girl for the first time is this: make her feel comfortable.

So, when you arrive at your place (or the girl’s), you don’t need to pick her up, throw her on the bed, and ravish her. In some cases that may be appropriate—and extremely hot— however, in general it’s best to give yourself and the girl an opportunity to acclimate to the situation.

When I bring a girl home, I start by taking her to do whatever I sad we were going to do. If I told her I was going to make her food, I throw a pizza in the oven. If I told her we should watch a TV show, I bring her to my room and turn on the show.

If you’re cooking something or you’re getting drinks with a girl, it’s fine talk with her in the kitchen or living room for a few minutes, but generally you should bring her back to your room sooner rather than later.

To do this, I recommend that you suggest watching something (I.E. a YouTube video or a movie). Alternatively, you could tell her that you want to put on some music, or that you want to show her a book you think she’ll like, or you could even offer to play a video game together. It doesn’t really matter, and even if you don’t move things to your room right away, you can hang out in the living room for a while (sitting on a couch next to each other is ideal) and escalate there.

When you do sit down (whether on a couch or on your bed), if the girl doesn’t immediately follow your lead, simply tell her she can sit next to you. If she doesn’t want to sit on your bed or next to you on the couch, this is a sign that she isn’t comfortable with you yet. This is okay, just take things slower, let her sit wherever she wants and talk for a while before making a move.

If there’s a lot of sexual tension and you’re confident the girl wants to move things forward, there’s no need to wait to escalate.

However, if you don’t feel totally comfortable or you don’t think the girl feels totally comfortable, just hang out for a while—talk about life, get to know her better, and show her that you’re patient and you’re not going to be pushy. After there’s more rapport, it’s time to make a move.

Kissing Her

You don’t need a fancy technique to lean in to kiss a girl for the first time, all you have to do is make your intentions clear and see how she reacts. If you wait for a girl to give you signals that she wants to be kissed, you’ll likely end up waiting indefinitely because women’s signals are easy to misread. However, if you create a situation where she has to respond to your signals, her feelings will be much more obvious.

What do I mean, exactly?

While you’re in close proximity to a girl (standing, on the couch, on a bed, etc.), hold prolonged eye contact to see how she reacts.

If she holds the eye contact with you, 9 times out of 10 that means she wants to be kissed.

If she blushes or shyly looks away for a moment but then returns your gaze, that often means she wants to be kissed as well.

If you do this but you can’t tell whether a girl wants you to kiss her, you can simply say, “You know, you’re really beautiful,” (Or you could say, “I really want to kiss you right now,“) while maintaining strong eye contact. If she wants you to kiss her, she’ll hold eye contact, if she doesn’t want you to kiss her, she’ll (most likely) completely avert your gaze or make a comment to diffuse the tension.

Basically, you’re creating a situation where the girl can feel that you want to kiss her, thus giving her the opportunity to pull away or to accept the kiss.

It is possible to misinterpret these situations, but understand, leaning in for a kiss isn’t offensive in itself even if the girl doesn’t want you to. You’re only being offensive if a girl rejects your kiss and you ignore her resistance. It’s not making the move that’s a problem, it’s ignoring a rejection once you get it.

Don’t be afraid to lean in to kiss a girl, so long as you respect her reaction, you’re not doing anything wrong. Understand, not leaning in to kiss a girl could also be offensive—if she went to your place hoping to hook up with you and you don’t make a move, she might get upset because you’re not giving her what she wanted.

What if she rejects your kiss?

If you attempt to kiss a girl and she turns you down, your best move is to take a step back and find out why she rejected your kiss. For instance, you might say, “Was that too soon?” Or, “Sorry, I lost control of myself, do you want to take things slow?” If she agrees, she is interested, but she’s not comfortable with getting physical yet. In this case you can take your time, talk more (think somewhere in the range of 15-45 minutes), and then you can re-escalate when you think she’s ready.

Alternatively, the girl might say something that implies she isn’t interested. She may mention she has a boyfriend or that she just wants to be friends. The best response is to respect what she says and to assume the interaction is going to be strictly platonic.

Generally, it’s still beneficial to leave things on a positive note, you may be able to become friends with her and she may even end up introducing you to her female friends.

Now, it is possible that the girl is playing hard to get. Maybe she does have a boyfriend and she is willing to cheat on him, but she wants to take the responsibility off of herself for cheating by ‘rejecting you’. Or, perhaps she is very insecure about doing anything ‘slutty’ and by giving resistance she can tell herself that she wasn’t doing anything wrong.

In such situations the girl may want to have sex with you, but she’s also willing to play games, do you really want to get laid so badly that you’re going to deal with that?

The safer option is to just move on to the next girl, however, if you run into this situation and want to pursue things further, the most effective strategy is to keep hanging out with her without being pushy at all. Then, once you’ve vibed with her for a while (again, this usually takes roughly 15-45 minutes), you can make a move again, she may react very differently. If you do this, make sure to get affirmative consent: she was being hesitant earlier and you want to be absolutely sure she does want to have sex with you (more on this later).

If She Accepts Your Kiss

Once you’ve made out with a girl, the most important thing to be aware of is your pacing.

A lot of guys become fixated on ‘getting it in’ as soon as they start kissing a girl. This is a mistake. Male sexuality and female sexuality are inherently different.

For men, an orgasm is like an itch that you want to scratch, there’s a desire to finish as fast possible. For women, an orgasm is like a crescendo that slowly builds up—it’s not about racing to the finish, it’s about an increasing tension that gradually builds up until it reaches a point in which it needs to be released.

Many women do not have orgasms during sexual encounters. This is because if a man purely follows his instincts, he will not give her the slowly building arousal that she needs.

So, being good in bed is largely about focusing less on what you want to do and more on what the woman is experiencing. And fortunately, the more pleasure you give a woman, the more pleasure you will receive in return. This isn’t about being selfless, it’s about being effective.

So, instead of rushing to the finish line, you should do two things:

  1. Escalate gradually.
  2. Proactively increase the woman’s arousal by balancing push with pull (or hot with cold.)

As a man, you may feel that making out or even foreplay is something you must to endure to get to the good part. As a woman, foreplay is integral to a satisfying sexual experience. When making out with a girl, Nibble at her earlobe, kiss down her neck, move your hands up and down her body gradually towards her most sensitive areas, but not quite reaching them— you’re hinting at sex, thus making her fantasize about the possibilities of things to come.

As you are gradually escalating, you can also increase a girl’s desire for you by pulling away. For instance, you might glide your fingers up a girl’s inner thigh, making her think that you’re going to finger her, but then pull away at the last second and touch her in a less sexual area.

For women, nothing is more seductive than the thought that sex might be about to happen—hinting at sex by escalating and then pulling away will get a girl imagining the things she wants you to do to her, and once she’s doing that, the temptation to have sex with you will be intense.

Anything you do that escalates an interaction towards sex can be pulled away to build sexual tension. When you’re fooling around with a girl, you can even completely take a break. You could mention that you need to get a drink or you can simply say , “This is really hot, but I think we should take a break for a minute.”

The balance of escalation and de-escalation has an intoxicating effect. Doing this is also useful because it shows that you aren’t going to be too pushy. Women do have the concern that you might escalate too aggressively without caring about their feelings, but by occasionally pulling back, you’re showing a woman that you’re not that kind of guy.

Basically, you should repeat this process until the girl is so aroused that she’s practically begging you to fuck her.

Not Every Girl Is The Same

Generally, the best way to escalate towards sex is at a gradual pace. However, not every woman is the same and not every situation is the same. Some girls will want you to pick them up, throw them on your bed, and ravish them the second they get into your house.

If an interaction with a girl was extremely sexual in public, there’s no reason to slow things down once you’re in private. Usually, the signs are clear: the sexual tension will be palpable, she’s already so turned on that she’s ready for sex.

So the best move isn’t always to take things slow. But if you’re unsure as to what a girl is feeling, it’s better to gradually escalate because although that might not be as exciting as ravishing her, it’s unlikely to make her change her mind about sleeping with you16. Conversely, being too aggressive may make a girl uncomfortable and this could cause her to decide not to sleep with you (even though she would have otherwise).

Getting Intimate

Once you’ve been fooling around with a girl to the point that she is noticeably aroused (moaning, breathing heavy, moving her hips, etc.), you’ll need to start taking her clothes off.

The best way to do this is to move your hand over her pussy with her pants still on and basically finger her, but through her clothes. This will feel good, and once she’s responding well, you can take off her pants: she will want more of what she’s already getting, so she will probably be enthusiastic about removing layers of clothing.

If a girl is wearing a skirt or dress, you can actually finger her before taking off her clothes (by moving your hands up her legs under her dress/skirt), if she’s wearing pants or shorts, you can start by unbuttoning the pants and then finger her over her panties a bit before taking off the pants entirely.

You can even take this a step further by kissing the girl down her neck and body and even between her thighs, essentially performing something like cunnilingus, but with her clothes still on. This does two things: first, it is in itself pleasurable, and two, it sends the message that you are going to go down on her before fucking her.

This is important because many women have lackluster sexual encounters in which the guy just took off her clothes, fucked her for a few minutes, and then rolled over and fell asleep. By miming cunnilingus, you are showing the girl that you are going to give her the full experience that she wants, you are going to give her pleasure before fucking her—this is far more appealing to most women.

If You Get Resistance

When you start taking a girl’s clothes off, you may get some resistance. Some women will pull your hands away to let you know they aren’t ready to get naked with you.

If this happens, respect her gesture and de-escalate for a while. Go back a couple steps and continue fooling around for a good 15-30 more minutes, then you can attempt to escalate again. There’s a good chance she will be turned on enough that she’s ready to take things further. But sometimes, a woman just isn’t ready to have sex.

In this case, your best option is to talk about what’s happening. You can say, “Am I doing something you don’t like?” Or, “Is everything okay?” This will prompt her to explain what she’s feeling. She may say that she’s on her period in which case you can say that it’s completely natural and it doesn’t bother you (unless it does), and if she says, “okay,” you can try again.

In other cases, a girl will say that she’s not ready to have sex, or that she doesn’t know you well enough, etc. Generally, these responses mean what they sound like they mean: she doesn’t want to have sex with you right now. The best way to react? Respect her desires and take things slow. Every woman is different, and some just don’t want to sleep with a guy they just met.

To be fair, you might be able to change a girl’s mind in such a situation, but to me, if sex isn’t really a win for a girl on every level, then it’s not worth it. Even if you could use ‘last-minute resistance busting techniques’, I don’t recommend doing so because even though they might change how a girl feels emotionally, she still may feel like you pushed her into doing something she wasn’t totally comfortable with.

If you do everything outlined in this chapter, any woman who is open to the idea of having sex with you will rarely pull back or give you anything resembling a ‘no’. However, in some cases, even a woman who’s extremely aroused may not want to have sex with you because it’s against her values or a rule she has for herself.

There are two things you can do in this situation. One is to say, “Okay, I understand. You’ve really turned me on though, could you give me a handjob/blowjob?” For many women, the idea of giving someone a handjob or blowjob is much less intimate than having sex and she may be excited to do so for you. Of course, some women will say no—in this case I would just tell her you’re going to use the bathroom to cool yourself down.

Consent

As a rule-of-thumb, if a girl gives any form of resistance within a sexual encounter, I strongly recommend you get verbal consent before having sex with her. In these situations, you can’t know for certain if the girl feels that you’re being pushy and she’s only going along with what you’re doing because she doesn’t want to be rude.

On the one hand, getting affirmative consent is important legally because it takes out the ambiguity as to whether consent was given. On the other hand, it’s also important in terms of being respectful: women are taught to be agreeable and many struggle to say no (even when they want to). So, if a girl at any point gives some kind of resistance to your escalation, you should make sure that she gives you an enthusiastic “yes,” before you actually have sex with her. This way you know she isn’t just letting you take advantage of her, but she really wants what you want.

The problem with affirmative consent is that it’s not exactly sexy to ask someone permission to sleep with them. It kind of misses the point of a sexual encounter, there’s nothing primal or animistic about saying, “Is it okay if I have sex with you?“.

That’s why, in my opinion, getting verbal consent is only important if you have some reason to doubt whether a girl wants to have sex with you (she said no at some point earlier, she moved your hand away when you escalating, or you just aren’t 100% sure that she is feeling what you’re feeling).

However, it is possible to get verbal consent in a way that isn’t a complete turn off. One way is to tell a girl, “I want you to say ‘please fuck me,’” this phrase is dominant and allows you to get a verbal yes without coming across as meek. If she says the words, great. If she doesn’t, say, “I’m not going to fuck you unless you say the words, ‘please fuck me.’” If she still won’t say the words, then pull back, she probably doesn’t want to have sex with you in that moment.

If you don’t like that particular line you can also say, “Are you comfortable with this?” (Right before entering her.) And if she doesn’t yes, then pull back.

That’s everything you need to know about how to fuck a girl for the first time. Once a woman’s pants are off, the rest should be self-explanatory. Of course, getting laid is one thing, having good sex is another, that’s why I wrote this article: How To Fuck A Girl Well

Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden

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Get your free book: The Psychology of Seduction

Learn how to use proven psychological principles to attract women. In this book, you will learn:
1. How to increase your value using the power of scarcity.
2. How to use The Pygmalion Effect to make anyone like you
3. A simple psychological trick to prevent women from flaking on you.
4. And much more.

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