You’re about to learn the three paradigm shifts that took me from a 19-year-old kissless virgin to someone who can pull a beautiful woman from a club whenever he wants to.
Video version: https://youtu.be/ozSLMHQoMqg
Tip 1: Cultivate Sexual Energy
When you see a cute girl, you shouldn’t just think she’s attractive, you should feel desire for her on a physiological level. Desire is contagious, and that underlying feeling is the spark that makes seduction possible.
Learning how to pickup girls in clubs shouldn’t be mechanical, it shouldn’t be a stressful, intellectual process. Too many men who learn about pickup treat it like a chess game.
Instead, get in touch with your primal side. Learn to experience sexual energy.
Men are taught to be ashamed of their sexuality. Society couldn’t function properly otherwise. Unfortunately, modern men are practically neutered – they see their own desires as a bad thing that is inherently creepy.
But male desire isn’t inherently creepy. It can actually turn women on: it’s a powerful aphrodisiac. Women desire to be desired.
Of course, male desire can be creepy if a girl isn’t interested at all and you don’t respect her boundaries. But it isn’t the desire itself that’s creepy, it’s the lack of respect.
When you learn how to get in touch with your own animalistic desire, the way women respond to you will completely change. There are three ways to do this:
- Masturbate less.
The less you masturbate, the more you will experience desire for women in the real-world.
- Notice Beauty
When you see a beautiful woman, don’t just think to yourself, “She’s hot.” Actually appreciate her femininity, her curves, her hair, the look in her eyes, notice what makes her sexy.
If the first two strategies aren’t enough to spark the feeling of desire. You may need to take things a step further and visualize sexual imagery while you’re out. Imagine what it would be like to make out with that girl on the dance floor. Imagine what she looks like naked.
This might sound creepy, but you’re not saying or doing anything overtly sexual, you’re just changing your focus from the logical to the emotional. You’re getting yourself out of your head and into your body.
Years of conditioning teach us to stifle our own sexual energy. It may take some effort to get back in touch with that side of ourselves.
Tip 2. Play The Numbers Game
Dating is a numbers game. A lot of guys don’t like to hear this because it doesn’t fit the societal narrative of how love and romance are ‘supposed to work’.
If you go out and talk to 3 girls throughout the course of a night out, what are the chances that you’ll meet someone who:
- You are truly attracted to.
- Is truly attracted to you.
- Is single.
- Is straight.
- Is in the right emotional state to meet a guy.
Answer: Not very high.
But what if you were to talk to 20 or 30 girls? The chances that you’ll meet someone who’s a good match skyrocket.
If you want to know how to pick up a girl in a club, the secret to success is to play the numbers game.
Very few men really play the numbers game. The vast majority of guys (even those who know about pickup) go out, talk to a couple of girls, and go home with maybe 1 girl’s number.
Those same guys come back to the forums to complain that “game doesn’t work”.
That’s the equivalent of going to the gym, lifting some 5-pound weights for a few weeks, and saying, “The gym doesn’t work for me, I can’t build muscle.”
If you’ve never gone out and done 20 or 30 approaches, you’re probably not really doing game in the first place.
I know this point will piss people off – but it needs to be said. If you’re playing to win, you should be willing to approach as many girls as it takes to meet the ones who you have great chemistry with.
This may sound difficult – approaching 1 girl is hard enough, approaching 20 sounds practically impossible. But in reality, the more girls you approach, the more fun going out will be. (Because of the next tip).
Tip 3: Build Social Momentum
Every time you talk to a girl, the next approach you do will be easier. This is known as social momentum.
Normally, we have excuse-making momentum. We see girls we want to talk to, but we think,
- “She looks busy,”
- “She looks stuck-up,”
- “She’s not hot enough,”
- “She’s too hot,”
This accumulates over time and the mere thought of talking to a girl becomes anxiety-provoking. But momentum builds in both directions.
Every time you do talk to a stranger, you’re proving that nothing bad happens when you approach someone. Now, the anxiety/stress you felt about talking to someone seems illogical. And, therefore, you feel more confident about talking to people.
This momentum can build up to a point in which you become completely fearless. If you’ve ever been out and you felt unusually confident and you didn’t care what people thought of you and you had no hesitance – you probably had built social momentum without knowing it. And if you’ve never experienced that feeling. Well, you haven’t really done game yet. It’s time to change that.
There are three keys to building social momentum:
(video demonstration of myself coaching someone to build social momentum in real-life:
Rule 1: Act More, Think Less
If I approach a girl, but 30 seconds later she leaves to “go find her friends,” I don’t stand around and think about why I got rejected, doing that would only lead to stress and frustration.
Instead, I quickly move from one interaction to another to prevent myself from overthinking. The less time I spend between approaches, the more quickly I build social momentum
If you’re spending most of your time standing around observing the environment or looking for the best girl to approach, you’re not going to build social momentum, and you’re going to miss countless opportunities with beautiful women.
Rule 2: Push Each Interaction Further Than The Last
To start building positive momentum, take a small social risk that won’t overwhelm you. This will get the ball rolling so that you’ll feel confident enough to take a slightly larger risk.
Continue this pattern until you eventually feel unstoppable.
Here’s a list of increasingly challenging actions you can take to build momentum:
- Give a girl a compliment as you walk by (without starting a real conversation)
- Give a girl a compliment and continue the conversation for at least 30 seconds.
- Touch a girl on the shoulder.
- Invite a girl to dance with you.
- Ask a girl for her phone number.
- Ask a girl to move to another area of the club with you.
- Ask a girl to grab some food with you.
- Invite a girl to get a drink back at your place.
Your first approach on any given day might be fairly stilted. That’s okay, you shouldn’t expect your first approach to be perfect. But push your next approach a bit further than the first, try to stay in the conversation for a couple of minutes instead of just 30 seconds.
Take each approach you do a step further than the last one. Make a point to be more physical, to hold stronger eye contact, to lead more, and to start asking for girls’ numbers.
Rule 3: Embrace Rejection
The only way to avoid rejection is to stay at home and watch porn.
Rejection is an unavoidable part of the game: the way you respond to it is going to determine the results you get.
I’ve been rejected a lot, probably thousands of times. And that’s okay – by going through those rejections I was also able to date some incredible women.
Furthermore, each rejection made me fear future rejections a little bit less. The root of self-confidence is being comfortable with the possibility of failure.
That’s why the third key to building social momentum is to embrace rejection.
Let’s say you approach a girl and after a couple of minutes talking with you, she says, “It was nice meeting you, but I have to go.”
You might start thinking:
- “My game sucks.”
- “That was a shitty approach.”
- “Why was I so cringey?”
- “The girls here are bitches.”
These kinds of thoughts mean you’re punishing yourself for approaching. You’re telling yourself that approaching leads to a negative result and that if you do more approaches, you’re going to get more negative results.
If you start to feel approaching women is a bad thing—that you don’t gain anything from it—it’s going to be exceedingly difficult to get into a fun, lighthearted mood when you’re out.
Instead of punishing yourself for approaching, reward yourself for approaching. After you approach a girl, you can literally tell yourself, “That was ten out of ten because I took action.”
Similarly, you can take a moment to ask yourself, “What was one good thing about that interaction?” Your answer may be that she smiled or that you said something clever or that you held strong eye contact, or your answer may be simply the fact that you put yourself out there.
At first, reframing your interactions as positive might feel a bit false, but over time, it will help reshape your narrative of what rejection means. Instead of deflating you, rejection will invigorate you.
Wrapping Up How To Pick Up Girls In Clubs
If you implement the three tips above, you will get better results than 95% of men. And, as harsh as it might sound, you can’t really know that ‘game doesn’t work’ or ‘you have to be good looking’ until you’ve:
- learned to get in touch with your own sexual energy.
- legitimately played the numbers game.
- Know how to build social momentum consistently.
Don’t be the skinny guy that says he can’t build muscle because of his genetics even though he’s never taken the time to count his calories. Be the guy who follows a serious gym regiment, counts his calories consistently, and keeps track of his progress. Find out for real if you can make this work, don’t let your preconceived beliefs become an excuse to live a life of learned helplessness.
If you’re willing to do whatever it takes to get this area of your life mastered, you can sign up for a completely free 15-minute coaching session with me, here: https://mailchi.mp/243385759889/freecoachingFollow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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