It’s a conundrum.
Everything you do to impress a girl will actually make her less impressed by you.
For example, if you tell a woman that you make six-figures, her gut instinct will be to wonder why you need to brag about your wealth. She will think you’re a loser, not a winner.
This is known as self-qualification: anything you say to prove that you’re worthy of a girl backfires because it implies that you don’t believe you are fundamentally attractive. Instead, you believe you are attractive because of something external (your money, your job, etc.)
At the same time, being wealthy is appealing to women, right?
Yes, of course it is.
But anything you do that is done specifically to convince a girl to like you, is in its essence, showing that you don’t believe you are inherently attractive.
This can take the form of bragging, but it can also be much subtler. Negging a girl, trying to change your voice, trying to make a girl laugh, etc. are all fundamentally unattractive behaviors if you are doing it to impress a girl.
Whenever we try to impress a girl we are labeling ourselves like so:
She will like me because…
- I make a lot of money.
- Say clever things.
- Act with confidence.
- Know how to tease a girl.
Being confident, teasing a girl, or being wealthy are all attractive traits, but the thought that you need those things to be attractive is an unattractive mindset.
Instead, you should think something much more counteruintive:
I am attractive because I am a man.
I understand why this line of thinking might sound fundamentally stupid, but let me explain.
The belief that you are only attractive if you behave in a certain way, look a certain way, or have certain things creates a rule that states your attractiveness is conditional.
Whatever is conditional is fleeting and can be lost.
In truth, your attractiveness is – more than anything – something that comes from your internal beliefs. If you truly believe you are attractive, then you will naturally act without hesitation, self-doubt, or any of the other thoughts and behaviors that would cause us to get in our own way.
Of course, this belief without evidence to back it up would be meaningless. Fortunately, if you put yourself out there by approaching women and asking them on dates, you will find that some girls do find you attractive.
Maybe only 1 in 10 girls who you ask out will actually go on a date with you, but that’s enough. As you continue to practice, you will develop a better understanding of female psychology, and unconsciously, your behaviors will become increasingly attractive. This will act to reinforce the belief that you are, in fact, attractive.
The Truth About Pickup Techniques
Don’t get me wrong, techniques like teasing a girl or working on your eye contact can make you more attractive to women, but if they are done as a form of compensation for the fundamental belief that you are not already good enough (without those techniques), then focusing on such tactics will do more harm than good.
Anything you do that is contrived will make women feel uncomfortable and it will also make you uncomfortable – you know that you are trying to prove yourself, that you are not being spontaneous and authentic.
As you approach women, ask them out, and lead interactions towards sex, your eye contact will improve, your voice will change, your entire demeanor will change, but you do not need to force this, it will happen naturally as your subconscious mind adapts and learns through experience.
By starting with the assumption that you are fundamentally attractive, everything you do will create an upward spiral. You will feel that you deserve to ask that girl out and even if one girl rejects you, the fourth girl you ask out won’t. This belief – even if it is somewhat delusional – will help you get the results in dating you want, it will help you become a man who women are impressed by.
There is one important caveat to this mindset. You believe that you are inherently attractive to women. But you do not believe you are inherently attractive to all women. You accept that you will not have chemistry with every girl you meet, that some girls have boyfriends, and others will just be in a bad mood when you meet them.
If you start with the assumption that you are attractive to all women, then any rejection will feel like a violation of this belief. But being rejected by someone does not mean you are unattractive to women as a whole, it doesn’t even mean you’re unattractive to that particular woman, it only means that you were not attractive to that woman in that particular time and place.
Wrapping Up How To Impress Girls (Without Trying)
I’ve learned hundreds of techniques and tactics to attract women. And what I’ve found, consistently, is that these techniques only work when they are spontaneous, not when they are done consciously in an attempt to ‘make a girl like me’.
My best conversations with women, my greatest moments of confidence, humor, or seductiveness, these were never based on lines I read from a book, they arose naturally because I believed that I was attractive.
You don’t need to focus your conscious energy on doing or saying specific things while interacting with women.
It can be useful to get new ideas from videos and articles, and it can also help to analyze what you did well and what mistakes you made after the fact.
But during your interactions with women, everything you do and say should flow naturally without trying to force attraction. Once you stop trying to impress women, all of your genuinely impressive qualities will rise to the surface – and women will be impressed by who you are.
Doing at home exercises can be useful, practicing your eye contact, body language, or vocal tonality at home can help you improve those aspects of your game when you’re interacting with women.
However, such practice is only useful after you’ve reached a point where you believe you are fundamentally attractive to women.
If you have had no success in dating and you aren’t confident in your ability to date beautiful women, practicing these things can reinforce the idea that you are not attractive enough unless you get your eye contact down or your body language is ‘alpha’ or whatever.
If you’re inexperienced in dating, it’s better to focus on the cause rather than the effect. Insecure body language or weak eye contact are effects, the belief that you are not attractive is the cause. By taking action, meeting a variety of women ,and starting to get results, your eye contact, body language, etc. will start to reflect the changes in your self-belief.
This is an example of the 80/20 principle, 80% of your eye contact, body language, and ability to think of clever things to say, etc. come from your beliefs about yourself. 20% come from technical skill.
So, if you are already getting good results in dating, but you want to take things to the next level and truly master attracting women at the highest level, then working on techniques like the above can be advantageous. But for most people, that kind of practice would be nothing more than mental masturbation –Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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