How To 10x Your Self-Confidence (With Social Momentum)
Momentum is the closest thing to a cheat code that exists for game.
You can think of social momentum as a bar that slowly fills up each time you approach a girl. As you gain momentum, you will feel increasingly confident. If you build enough social momentum, you will become completely fearless.
There are two types of social momentum: Positive momentum and negative momentum.
Every time you see a girl you want to approach, but you hesitate to do so, you get negative momentum. The more negative momentum you have, the more tempted you will be to make an excuse the next time you see a woman you want to approach.
Positive momentum is the opposite. Every time you see an attractive girl, and you DO approach her, it will be significantly easier to approach the next attractive woman you see.
Most guys have been building up negative momentum for years. We see thousands of girls who we want to approach, but we come up with countless excuses. This momentum builds up throughout our life to the point where we become paralyzed at the thought of approaching a girl.
This is why I suggested you should start by going out just 5 minutes a day if you’re new to cold approach. If you’ve been building up negative momentum for years, it may take some time and effort to overcome it and replace it with positive momentum.
Fortunately, positive momentum builds much faster than negative momentum. I would estimate that approaching a girl builds 10 times as much social momentum as you lose from failing to do an approach.
Because of this, momentum is incredibly powerful. If you approach 10 women back-to-back in a single day, your approach anxiety will be entirely gone by the 10th approach. And by that point, your entire demeanor will radiate confidence.
Without any positive momentum, approaching a girl is nerve-wracking. Those nerves are going to affect your non-verbal communication: your vocal tonality will be weaker, your eye-contact will be unstable, and your body language will become defensive.
However, once you build some positive momentum, your non-verbal communication will completely change. Your first approach might be fairly awkward, but on your third approach you’ll be much more confident, and by your 10th approach, you will feel unstoppable.
This feeling of increased confidence will make it easier to think of witty things to say on your feet, your eye-contact will naturally become stronger, your tonality will become more assertive, and even your body language will exude masculine energy. If you change how you feel internally, you will automatically change how you express yourself externally, too.
This isn’t to say that you should practice improving your eye-contact or work on your vocal tonality – doing so definitely makes a difference. However, building social momentum will improve your nonverbal communication automatically.
Through thousands of hours of experimentation, I have discovered three key rules you can follow to consistently build social momentum.
Follow these rules and total self-confidence will become a state you can summon whenever you want it.
Rule 1: Push Each Interaction Further Than The Last
The first key to building momentum is to do something that’s challenging (but not overwhelmingly challenging.
To start building positive momentum, take a small social risk that won’t overwhelm you. This will get the ball rolling so that you’ll feel confident enough to take a slightly larger risk. Continue this pattern until you eventually feel unstoppable.
Here’s a list of increasingly challenging actions you can take to build momentum:
- Give a girl a compliment as you walk by (without starting a real conversation)
- Give a girl a compliment and continue the conversation for at least 30 seconds.
- Touch a girl on the shoulder.
- Invite a girl to dance with you.
- Ask a girl for her phone number.
- Lean in to kiss a girl.
- Ask a girl to move to another area of the club with you.
- Ask a girl to grab some food with you.
- Invite a girl to get a drink back at your place.
(The above video includes an example of a coaching client of mine building social momentum.)
Your goal is to determine which of these actions is challenging enough to build momentum, but not so challenging that you will feel overwhelmed.
If you’re not sure, start small. Successfully doing something easy will build positive momentum, whereas failing to do something too challenging will build negative momentum.
Personally, I often start my nights out not feeling social at all. So, I start getting myself in the zone by giving women compliments as I walk by them.
Once I’m comfortable giving compliments, I take things up a notch by approaching women and starting a real conversation. The first few approaches I do rarely last more than a minute or two, but each approach I do makes me feel a bit more confident in myself.
Once I’m comfortable approaching, I’ll make a point to lead my interactions progressively further. This means that:
- I’ll have longer conversations.
- I’ll bring the girls I approach to the dance floor or make out with them.
- And eventually, if I meet a girl I have good chemistry with, I’ll take her home.
When I enter a club I’m usually in a logical, non-social state, but by following the above process, I become incredibly confident within 30 minutes.
My normal social fears completely vanish and I’m able to do things (like bring a beautiful girl home with me) I would never have previously thought possible.
Your process for pushing each interaction further than the last may differ from mine. You might not need to warm up by giving compliments like I do (experiment and discover what works best for you.)
Regardless of your exact process, the underlying principle for this rule is that you shouldn’t expect too much of yourself at the beginning of a night (or day) out – your first approaches aren’t likely to lead to anything sexual.
However, as you approach more women, your confidence will rapidly increase. And as you feel increasingly self-confident, you’ll be able to push your interactions progressively further – until you’re able to bring a girl home with you.
Rule 2: Act More, Think Less
Social momentum is a state in which your excuses and fears no longer have power over you. To enter this state, you must take so much action that your mind (specifically, your ego) can’t keep up and it stops trying to control you.
If you approach a girl and she leaves to “go find her friends,” don’t stand around and think about why you got rejected – you’re just going to over-analyze and stress yourself out.
I jump from one interaction to another immediately to prevent myself from overthinking. The less time I spend between approaches, the more quickly I build social momentum
To make this practical, you can start mentally counting up after you end an interaction with a girl. As you count [1,2,3,4,etc.] you’ll feel a mounting pressure to approach another girl. This will help prevent you from wasting too much time between interactions.
As a rule of thumb, you should aim to spend about 80% of your time in a club (or during daygame) interacting with women.
If you’re spending most of your time standing around observing the environment or talking to your friends, you’re not going to build social momentum, and you’re going to miss countless opportunities with beautiful women.
I often approach women who I’m not particularly attracted to. If I spend too much time looking for a girl who’s ‘hot enough’ to approach, I’m inviting myself to start making excuses.
I can have fun and be social with anyone, not just attractive women. By having fun with a girl who I don’t have sexual interest in, I will be in a more confident, carefree mood when I approach a girl who is stunningly beautiful.
Furthermore, if you’re only approaching women you want to sleep with, that can reinforce a mindset that you’re only talking to girls who you want to ‘get’ sex from. This mindset is inherently unattractive because it’s about taking value from women. By approaching everyone and having fun with them, you’re approaching to offer value – which is far more attractive.
When you’re out, the more time you spend interacting with women, the less your ego will get in your way.
I’m not advocating that you aggressively hit on every woman you see. Instead, I’m suggesting that you simply socialize with as many people as possible. By doing so, you’ll get yourself into a state of social momentum in which you’ll be able to effortlessly approach and attract beautiful women.
Rule 3: Embrace Rejection
The only way to avoid rejection is to stay at home and watch porn.
Rejection is an unavoidable part of the game: the way you respond to it is going to determine the results you get. If you see rejection as a bad thing, it’s going to be very difficult to have fun while going out and meeting women.
I’ve been rejected a lot, probably thousands of times. And that’s okay – by going through those rejections I was also able to date some incredible women.
Furthermore, each rejection made me fear future rejections a little bit less. The root of self-confidence is being comfortable with the possibility of rejection
Don’t Dwell on Rejection
Harsh truth: most of your interactions with women are going to end in rejection. These rejections are harmless though, UNLESS you think they mean something is wrong with you.
If you go up to a girl and she says, “Sorry, you’re just not my type.”
You might start thinking, “It’s because of my race, women aren’t attracted to Asians.” Or you might think, “It’s because I’m too short, it’s not fair.”
If you start down this train of thought, you’re going to end up feeling bitter and victimized – and this attitude will make you far less attractive to women.
When I get rejected, I still feel bitter about it sometimes. But as soon as I notice that feeling, I jump into another interaction. I don’t give myself the opportunity to dwell on negative thoughts.
Find The Humor In Rejection
Look, unless you’re an ego-less being, rejections are going to affect your emotional state sometimes. However, rejections won’t ruin your day unless you let them.
Every rejection is an opportunity to take yourself less seriously. If you can find the humor in rejection, it will stop having power over you.
To make this practical, you can turn rejections into a joke by making them absurd. For example, if a girl says, “Sorry, I’m not interested,” you can say, “Call me!” as she walks away. Obviously, she’s not going to call you, but you’re turning the rejection into something playful and carefree.
Other things you can say to make a rejection playful:
Are you sure you don’t want to date me? My mom says I’m a catch!
Wait, I have a lot of Instagram followers, if that helps!
Or any similar line you can come up with yourself.
You can immunize yourself to rejection by taking a moment after being rejected to tell yourself, “Fuck yeah, I went for it, that was a 100 out of 10.”
Telling yourself a line like this will help you subconsciously reinforce that getting rejected is actually a good thing. Over time, you’ll stop fearing rejection, and even almost look forward to it.
The first few rejections you get on a night out might sting, but if you persist, you’ll reach a point in which you no longer care about being rejected. At this point, rejection will no longer negatively affect your emotional state.
Conclusion: How To 10x Your Confidence With Social Momentum
When you approach a woman in a confident state, attraction will naturally build between the two of you. The idea that you need to say a special line or “neg” a girl to attract her is completely false.
Sexual attraction is a biological process that occurs automatically when a woman interacts with a man who expresses attractive qualities (like confidence).
By following the process I outlined above for build socializing social momentum, you will be able to make women feel (on a subconscious, emotional level) that you are a highly attractive man.
Now, you can and should develop your overall level of self-confidence.
But learning how to build social momentum allows you to hack your own emotional state so that even if you’re normally shy and insecure, you can become supremely self-confident whenever you want to. And you can do this in less than 30 minutes.
I understand you may be skeptical of the idea that you can (fairly easily) enter a state in which your confidence level is radically increased.
I would be skeptical myself if I hadn’t experienced this state countless times (and helped many other guys do so as well). You should be skeptical, but once you try the process outlined above, you’ll see for yourself that social momentum is not only real, but are capable of transforming your dating life.
Don’t expect that you’ll be able to effortlessly build social momentum the first time you try these strategies.
Building social momentum is a skill that will take some time to master. But it’s worth the effort, once you get your process for gaining momentum down, your dating life will be completely transformed.Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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