I’ve missed hundreds of opportunities with beautiful women throughout my life.


Because I didn’t take the lead.

Leading is fundamental to success with women. To put it bluntly: if you don’t lead, you’re not going to get laid.

Women will rarely lead an interaction towards sex. In 6 years of going out to meet girls multiple times per week, I can only think of two times where the girl was the aggressor.

Fact is, even if a girl is attracted to you, she has very little incentive to be the sexual initiator.

There’s a societal expectation that men are supposed to take the lead romantically. Why would a woman make a bold move that might get her rejected, when she can safely assume that if a guy likes her, he will lead things towards sex?

Furthermore, if a woman makes sexual advances on a man, she risks being labeled as a slut. The guy might tell all his friends what happened. Rumors would spread and the girl will have to deal with slut shaming from all her friends because she was too “easy”.

On the other hand, when a woman lets the man initiate sexually, she has plausible deniability. She can tell her friends, “It just happened.” Therefore, she can get the sexual experience she wants without the social repercussions she would be subject to if she were the aggressor.

Whether you want a one-night stand or a girlfriend, you must take 100% of the responsibility for making the relationship sexual in nature.  Women have so much incentive to let the man do the leading that they will almost never do it themselves.

The fact that women will rarely lead an interaction towards sex means that even if a girl thinks you’re an Adonis, you won’t sleep with her unless you proactively make it happen.

I’ve gone out to meet women with a number of guys who were extremely good looking, yet many of them did not get results. These guys could easily get women attracted to them, but it doesn’t matter how much a girl likes you, unless you lead things forward.

I’ve also gone out to meet women with a number of guys who had subpar social skills and below- average looks. Despite their disadvantages, some of these guys have consistently slept with extremely attractive women.


Because they went for “the close”.

It’s not poetic, but most of your results from game aren’t going to come from your charming personality, they’re going to come from your ability to lead things forward when you meet a girl who is attracted to you and available.

That isn’t to say that you shouldn’t work on improving your looks or becoming more charismatic, those qualities absolutely do matter – a lot. But you can be the most charismatic guy on the planet and close out each night with only the company of your right hand: unless you learn how to lead effectively.

Conversely, you can have mediocre social skills and still regularly sleep with attractive women, so long as you master the fundamental of leading hard

In the vast majority of cases, if you want something to happen with a girl, you have to approach her, you have to initiate physicality, you have to lean in for the first kiss, and you have to invite her somewhere you can hang out in private.

You can master everything else in game, you can be as smooth as James Bond and as confident as Connor McGregor, but until you start leading hard, your results with women are going to be lackluster, if not nonexistent.

Women Want You To Lead

Now, this doesn’t mean you should be aggressive or manipulative in any way. Most men think it’s disrespectful to lead an interaction with a woman towards sex, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

If a girl likes you, and you like her, but you don’t make a move, you are letting her down. Remember, women have a lot of incentive to avoid leading a relationship towards sex. They basically have to let men initiate. So, if a girl likes a guy but he doesn’t take the lead, she’s left confused and frustrated.

Conversely, if you lead an interaction forward and the girl rejects you, the only consequence is that your ego might get bruised. The girl will be flattered, she’ll appreciate that you were honest about your intentions.

Of course, if a girl rejects you, but you start acting bitterly towards her, then yeah, she’s going to respond negatively. But it’s not the fact that you made a move that upset her, she was upset because you didn’t respect her decision.

Again, when it comes to dating and sex, you must be willing to take role of the initiator. If you’re not able to do that, you’re not going to go on many dates or have much sex.

Every time you approach a girl you like, but you don’t lead it as far forward as possible, you got rejected by default. If you go for the close, there’s a possibility of success, but when you don’t go for the close, rejection is guaranteed.

So, what exactly do I mean by leading?

Leading is anything that moves an interaction towards sex. Getting a girl’s number and setting up a date with her is leading. Inviting a girl to hang out with you in a private location is leading. Physical escalation with a girl (touching her, holding hands, kissing, etc.) is also leading.

Leading is often the difference between an interaction that ends in, “It was nice meeting you,” and an interaction that ends up in the bedroom

The vast majority of guys I’ve met do not lead their interactions enough to get the success with women they want. Failing to lead is a common blindspot that can make all your other efforts in dating virtually meaningless. It’s important to ask yourself whether or not you are handling this fundamental in your own life:

  • When you approach a girl you like, do you invite her to another area with you?
  • Are you physically escalating (until you get resistance)?
  • Or, are your interactions going nowhere because you can’t transition out of friendly chit-chat?

Play To Win

If you’re not leading your interactions with women enough, the simplest solution is to make a habit of attempting to lead every interaction as far as possible.

Now, it’s important to know what your desired outcome with a girl is before deciding how to lead it forward.

For example, if you’re meeting women during the day and your goal is to collect as many numbers as possible, then you don’t need to make out with the girls you approach. In this case, the only leading you need to do is exchanging numbers and setting up dates.

However, if you’re meeting women in a nightclub, there’s a very good chance that you’ll want to bring a girl home with you. In this case, whenever you’re interacting with a girl you like, you should lead that interaction as far towards sex as possible.

So, what does leading an interaction forward look like, specifically?

  1. Know what your ideal outcome for  the day/night is. Is it setting up dates with women, or is it bringing a girl home with you?
  2. When you approach a women, determine what the ideal outcome for that specific interaction is.

For example, you might decide that you’re not attracted to a particular girl, in which case your ideal outcome is to have a short conversation with her and leave on a positive note. Alternatively, if you are attracted to her, your goal will be determined by her availability.

To find out a girl’s availability, simply ask, “What are you doing later tonight?” (for nightgame) Or, “What are you up to right now?” (for daygame)

She might respond to your question with something along the lines of, “I have to drive my friends back home,” Or, “I’m going back home with my roommates to sleep.” This means it’s unlikely she’s open to doing something with you later.  

Now, it’s impossible to know for sure whether she’s making herself unavailable to you because she’s uninterested or if she legitimately has plans that mean she can’t hang out with you.

Your best option in this situation is to grab her number and start approaching other women.

Maybe she likes you, maybe she doesn’t, but you know she’s probably not going home with you that night. By getting her number, you’ll find out whether she was interested in you based on how she responds to your texts.

But if you were to hang out with that girl for the whole night, you’d be be spending your time with a girl who may not even be interested in you in the first place. It’s more efficient to get her number and move on so that you don’t risk wasting your time.

What if you ask a girl what she’s doing later and she responds with something like, “Nothing much” Or, “What are you doing later?” In that case, she’s probably interested in doing something with you later, so you should lead the interaction as far forward as possible.

At this point you should find out if the girl will leave her friends to hang out with you in a different area. Make a suggestion like:

  • “Hey, let’s go to the outside area where we can actually hear each other.”
  • Or, “Let’s go to the dance floor for a minute.”
  • During the day you might say, “There’s a Starbucks right down the street, let’s get a quick cup of coffee.”

If a girl is unwilling to move to a nearby area with you, it’s very unlikely she’ll be willing to go home with you on that same day.

In that case, it’s best to exchange numbers with her before going back to approaching other women.

If the girl says yes to your request, then you can dance with her or hang out with her in the area you suggested.

Taking Her Home

Okay, a girl is following your lead from one area to another. After you’ve been talking with her for roughly 45 minutes to an hour and a half, the next step of leading is to bring her home with you.

If a girl you just met agrees to hang out with you in the privacy of your home, you can be fairly confident that she likes you. There are plenty of ways you can invite a girl back to your place,my go to is simply to say,

“Hey, it’s too loud here, let’s go somewhere we can have a real conversation.”

Some other lines I’ve used to pull include:

  • “There’s a rock-band after-party nearby, let’s go!”
  • “Let’s get pizza!” (The pizza is in my freezer)
  •  Another strategy I use to pull is to ask if the girl has seen a particular TV show. Then, when she says she hasn’t seen it, I respond that she needs to see it right now – with me.

You don’t need a great reason to bring a girl to your place, you just need an excuse that isn’t “let’s fuck” (saying that puts way too much pressure on the girl). If a girl is interested in hooking up with you, she will agree to go to your place for whatever silly reason you come up with. A friend of mine once pulled by saying, “I have an amazing book collection at my place, you have to see it.”

To be clear, sometimes a girl will refuse to go home with you even if she likes you. Maybe the girl has a boyfriend she didn’t mention. Some girls just don’t do one-night stands. Other times, a girl can’t go home with you she has to sleep in the same room as her friends.

If a girl won’t go home with you, you have two options:

Your first option is to stick with the girl until the end of the night. Then, when she leaves, you can go with her to her place. Before choosing this option, ask yourself, “What would happen if she and I were alone in a room together?” If the answer is, “We’d tear each other’s clothes off,” then, going with her has a good chance of leading to sex.

To go with her, ask, “What area of town are you headed to?” Reply to whatever her answer is with, “Oh, I’m near there, we should split an Uber.” If she’s unenthusiastic about the idea, then she’s probably not that interested in going with you, but if she says something along the lines of, “Yeah, that sounds good.” Then you can leave with her at the end of the night.

When you’re in the Uber with the girl, you need to create an excuse to enter her house. The easiest way to do this is to simply ask if you can use her restroom while you wait for another Uber to your place.

When you’re in the girls house, one thing should lead to another. You’ll both forget that you were “waiting for your Uber”.

Now, if you’re thinking, “This sounds creepy,” well, it is creepy if she’s not into you. However, if she’s really attracted to you, you’re simply creating a logical excuse to do what you both want to do.

You can’t tell a girl, “Oh, you have to go home with your friends? Can I come along so we can fuck when you get home?” That wouldn’t be relatable. If you want to go home with her, you have to create a situation where it makes sense for you to end up in her house. Again, you should only do this if you’re confident that it’s on between the two of you.

When you invite a girl back to your place and she declines, you may not be sure whether or not she’s attracted to you. In this case, the best option is to make plans to go on a date with her later and to then go meet other people. Say something like, “It’s been cool talking to you, we should get coffee sometime.”

When a girl rejects your invitation to go home with you, it’s often not that she’s rejecting you, she just can’t go home with you at that particular moment. That’s why you should always make plans to hang out with the girl later in this specific situation.

Ok, that’s everything you need to know about leading a girl – from approaching her to getting her home with you.

You may have noticed there was no step that involved making out with the girl in the club. Making out in public is completely optional, you really don’t need to make out with a girl before bringing her home with you.

The best way to make an interaction physical is through dancing. Dancing can turn a girl on just as much as making out does, without giving the girl a reason to worry about her friends seeing her acting ‘’slutty.’

Remember, most women do not want to do anything that will make them look slutty in public, and making out with a guy before leaving a club with him looks pretty slutty by many people’s standards.

Wrapping Up How To Get Laid Consistently

Most men avoid taking risks that might ‘rock the boat”’ when they’re talking with an attractive woman. These men hesitate to do anything that might lead the interaction towards sex. Truth is, if you don’t lead, you’re just not going to get laid – and you’re not going to get a relationship either.

Leading is uncomfortable at first. Anything you do that can lead an interaction towards sex, can also get you rejected. But here’s the harsh truth: if you don’t do things risk making a girl reject you, you also don’t risk getting laid.

If you like a girl:  ask for her number, lean in for the kiss, invite her back to your place. She might reject you, but she also might say yes.

Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden

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Categories: Game

1 Comment

Kasra · December 9, 2018 at 5:44 pm

You’re awesome dear Avery. Thank you

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Get your free book: The Psychology of Seduction

Learn how to use proven psychological principles to attract women. In this book, you will learn:
1. How to increase your value using the power of scarcity.
2. How to use The Pygmalion Effect to make anyone like you
3. A simple psychological trick to prevent women from flaking on you.
4. And much more.

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