Harsh truth: Most guys in the men’s dating advice community aren’t going out regularly and meeting new women.
This article is going to show you how to make the shift from someone who wants to improve their dating life, to someone who is actively making progress towards that goal.
The more women you approach, the more comfortable you will be with rejection, and the less you care about rejection, the more attractive you will be to women.
Approaching women is going to be difficult until it becomes a habitual part of your life.
If you start going out, but the experience is thoroughly stressful, you’re probably going to give up at some point. It’s in our nature to avoid doing things cause us discomfort
Put simply: when we feel that our goal isn’t achievable at our current skill level, we avoid pursuing that goal.
Now, what’s the goal of most men who learn about game?
To get laid or to get a girlfriend.
We don’t think, “I want to go out to become .1% more confident in myself.” We want to go out and get an immediate result. But, on an emotional level, we know the result we want is far out of reach. We know that if we go out to approach women, it’s going to be a struggle, it’s going to be stressful, and we’re almost certainly not going to bring a girl home with us on the first try.
Because of this, a lot of guys in the seduction community don’t go out and approach women at all.
I’ve made the same mistake myself. I didn’t approach a single girl until a year after I started watching men’s dating advice videos. I wanted to change my life, but I was so afraid of rejection that I procrastinated by learning instead of doing.
Eventually, I overcame my inability to go out and approach women by discovering what I consider to be the secret of motivation.
We have ambitious goals, but on an unconscious level, we understand those goals are going to be stressful to work towards. We avoid that stress by creating excuses to not pursue our goals. Fortunately, there’s a way around this trap: start with an incredibly small goal that anyone could accomplish
At first, you will improve slowly. But, because your goal is easy to accomplish, you won’t be tempted to procrastinate, and you will be able to make progress consistently. Over time, you will build momentum, and you’ll actually want to take more and more action.
Once you make the shift from feeling like you’re doing something because you have to do it, to doing it because you want to, success becomes a forgone conclusion.
How To Become Attractive To Women Part 2: Create A Specific Plan
So, how do you apply this to your dating life?
Start with a small commitment. In my case, I committed to go somewhere I could meet women for at least 5 minutes every day.
5 minutes sounds so insubstantial that it’s meaningless. But it’s actually very useful to set such a small goal because it doesn’t require a lot of willpower.
If you try to make a large change in short amount of time, pursuing your goal becomes highly stressful – and if the process is too stressful for you, you’ll eventually give up.
By starting with a very small goal, you avoid this problem. Your progress might start fairly slowly, but it will be consistent and sustainable, and in the long-run, that’s far more important.
Making a small change every day compounds into something life-changing over time, whereas trying to make a huge change in the next month usually leads to burnout – and the abandonment of your goal.
To be clear, once you’ve completed your goal of going out for five minutes, you don’t have to go back home. If you want, you can stay longer and keep pushing yourself to meet women.
You’re not setting a small goal to limit yourself, you’re setting a small goal to motivate yourself to start taking action and get the ball rolling.
Over time, going out to meet women will become an automatic habit: you’ll start looking forward to it. But building that habit starts with taking small, consistent steps in the right direction.
Depending on your starting point, you might be able to approach women on your very first attempt at this. If you’re like me, however, it might take more than a week of going out and trying to approach to actually take the leap.
Be patient. When you’re going out the first times, do your best to walk up to an attractive girl and introduce yourself. But if you can’t do it, don’t beat yourself up. Just going out and attempting to meet women is an important step in the right direction – consider that a victory.
By going out regularly with the intention of approaching women, you will eventually gain the courage to do it. For one person it might only take a day, for another it might take 3 weeks, but if you keep trying, you’ll eventually break through that initial resistance.
A couple pointers for this strategy:
1. The best venues to meet women tend to be clubs, bars, and university campuses (if you’re in the appropriate age-range). However, if none of those are an option on a particular day, you can also go to a mall, a large store (like Target), a popular park, or anywhere a decent number of women congregate.
The busiest club might only have 20 people on a Tuesday in your city, but going will still help make success with women a habitual part of your life. And even with 20 people, you still have a better chance at meeting an amazing girl than you would at home.
Going out every day might sound hardcore, but it is extremely effective. You would make solid progress going out 3, 4 or 5 days per week, it’ll just take longer to get the results you want (because you won’t build as much momentum).
2. It can be helpful to baby-step your approaches. For example, you might warm-up by saying, “Hey, I like your style,” as you walk by a girl (without committing to an actual conversation).
Once you’re comfortable complimenting girls as you walk by, it’ll be easier to approach girl and start a real conversation.
At this point you can open with something like, “Hey, do you know if there’s anywhere good to get some food nearby?” Once she responds, you’re allowed to say thanks and walk away.
Part of what gives us approach anxiety is that we’re not sure what to do after we say hi. Giving yourself permission to walk away after your open will take some of the pressure off of yourself.
3. Once you’re confident in your ability to approach indirectly by asking for directions, you can start approaching with the intention of making something happen with the girl.
For an opening line, you can use the simple, but effective,
“Hey, I thought you were cute so I had to say hi.”
“Hey, I like your style so I had to say hi.”
For follow-up questions to get a conversation started, you can use the following:
- What do you do for fun?
- What are you passionate about?
- What do you do for a living?
- Where are you from?
These questions aren’t anything magical, but they can get a conversation started. You can build on her answer with interesting observations/anecdotes/ or follow-up questions. And if you can’t think of anything to reply with, that’s fine, just ask another question until you find a topic that sticks.
It can be hard to think of something interesting to say when talking to an attractive woman because anxiety suppresses creativity. When you’re uncomfortable talking to a girl, it’ll be difficult to come up with clever responses to what she says. Your conversations might be a little rocky at first, but as you practice and your confidence increases, you’ll be able to effortlessly hold interesting conversations with girls you just met.
4. Once you’re able to comfortably approach a girl and hold a conversation for a couple minutes, you should start asking for girls’ numbers. An easy way to do this is to say, “Hey, it’s been fun talking to you, we should get coffee sometime.”
If she agrees, follow up by suggesting a particular time. For example, “Cool, what are you doing Thursday evening?”
If she says she’s free, great. If she says she’s busy, ask when she’s free this week. (She might say she isn’t free at all, in which case she’s probably not interested and I would just let it go.)
When she suggests a time, make plans to meet up with her. It’s best to recommend a specific place to meet (because that makes the plans more ‘real’). Once she’s agreed to meet you at a particular time and place, it’s only natural to ask for her number so you can make the date happen.
To get her number, you can just open up the add contact screen on your phone and hand your phone to her, she’ll know what to do with it. Once you have her contact information, make sure to send her a text with your name.
Since you’ve already made plans with her, you don’t need to ‘game’ her over text, simply text her to confirm your date.
Wrapping Up How To Become Attractive To Women In Just 5 Minutes A Day
If you want to learn how to be attractive to women, cold approach is the best place to start.
Approach women and ask them on dates. Normally, only a high-status guy would do these things (because most men are too afraid of rejection). The fact that you’re able to confidently do something most men can’t will imply you have high status.
This can’t be faked. Your first attempts at approaching women and asking them out will make you nervous, and your nervousness will make you less attractive in the short-term.
However, if you persist through this phase of initial discomfort, you will be able to approach women with confidence. Once you’ve made this shift, you’re attractiveness to women will exponentially increase.
The process of approaching and attracting women can be stressful and anxiety provoking, so it’s important to take small, realistic steps in the direction you want to go.
Hypothetically, you could approach 20 women a day every day for a month, and you’d get amazing results. But, realistically, most guys won’t be able to sustain that amount of effort without burning out.
So, set a goal that’s realistic to your current level of experience. If you’ve never cold-approached a girl before, that goal is probably just to go out for five minutes a day. That might sound like an insignificant goal, but you will build momentum over the course of weeks and months, and eventually you’ll become unstoppable.
Follow the guidelines I laid out in this article, and I promise you, you will make incredible progress. No, you won’t get a “perfect 10” girlfriend next week, but you will become more confident in yourself, and you will attract more women in the next year than most guys do in their entire lives.Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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