I had no idea that I was about to endure the most excruciating rejection of my entire life. I approached a girl standing by the bar and introduced myself:
Me: Hey, how’s it going?
Her: Fine. But I don’t want to get hit on.
Me: That’s cool. I’m not really hitting on you, just meeting new people.
Her: (No response)
Me: Okay. Well, I guess I’ll go find my friends. It was nice to meet you.
Her: You want to know something?
Her: (staring me dead in the eyes) You have the body of a twelve year-old and a woman will never love you.
There wasn’t a hint of sarcasm in her voice when she said that. And if I’m being honest, it hurt, a lot. But you know what, harsh rejections like that have had a profoundly positive impact on my life.
The more rejections you go through, the less power rejection has over you. I’ve had women tell me things like:
“You’re a 3 and I’m an 8, go away.”
“Why do I never get approached by attractive guys?”
I’ve even been slapped by women I approached more than once.
And you know what? I’m grateful for all those harsh rejections, they made me a stronger, more confident person.
In this article, you’re going to learn why you shouldn’t just accept rejection, you should look forward to it.
As soon as you accept that rejection should be embraced – and even anticipated – you will not only be more successful with women, but more successful in life.
Rejection Is Like Muscle Growth
When you lift weights, you are intentionally putting yourself through physical pain. The more you damage your muscles when you work out, the stronger your muscles will become.
Rejection works exactly the same way. The more you get rejected, the more confident and attractive you will become.
In exercise, this concept is easy to understand: we can see with our own eyes that lifting weights leads to muscle growth.
In success with women, it’s harder to see the connection between rejection and success. You might see a guy in a club pull a beautiful girl, but you don’t see the 10 girls who rejected him earlier that night.
The guys who have the most success with women also go through the most rejection, period.
Partly this is just basic math. I’ve approached thousands of girls, and I’ve been rejected thousands of times. But I’ve also slept with more attractive women in the last few years than most guys do in their entire lives.
On an average night out, I’ll approach about 20 women – and out of those 20 approaches I’ll only go home with one of them. Technically, 19 of those approaches ended in rejection. (Do I remember those rejections when I’m in a bed with a beautiful girl? Hell no.)
Let’s be brutally honest hear, the 19 rejections I go through in a single night is more rejection than the average goes through in an entire year.
Most guys develop a crush on a girl from work or school, then they put all their efforts into that one girl – for months, sometimes even years. They don’t approach any other women or ask anyone on a date during this period of several months.
These guys aren’t getting rejected, but they also aren’t getting laid.
If you’re not getting rejected regularly, that’s the primary reason you’re not getting the success with women you want.
It’s easy to think you’re struggling because of your looks or your job or the fact that you still live with your parents. And sure, all those factors play a role. But the root cause of an unremarkable dating life is that you’re not taking enough action.
Most of us rationalize by telling ourselves that we need a new job or to move to a better city or that we need to get in shape, or whatever else. Truthfully though, none of those factors matter – at all – unless you can say you’re getting rejected by women regularly.
Imagine an overweight person were to say, “I want to start working out, but I need to get a promotion at work first.” They would sound ridiculous.
The same is true when a single guy thinks he needs to focus on anything other than going out, approaching women, and getting rejected. If you want a better dating life, you must throw yourself into discomfort – because discomfort and growth go hand in hand.
The Truth About Rejection
If you’re not getting rejected, you’re not playing the game.
That might sound harsh, but it’s true. Forget all the articles, all the Youtube videos, and all the forums… unless you’re interacting with women in the real world and getting rejected.
(The only content worth reading if you’re not getting rejected regularly is content that shows you specifically how to go out and take action.
Challenge based programs like: Simple 30, Rules of The Game, and The Trial:Transform Your Dating Life In Eight Weeks are examples of content that can help someone who’s just starting out.)
Nothing is going to help you succeed with women unless you start putting yourself out there. In fact, consuming this content is mental masturbation unless you’re practicing in the real world.
Imagine you’ve decided to learn guitar. You start watching guitar tutorials on Youtube for several hours a week. You’re learning from these videos, but you don’t think you’re ready to start playing guitar yet.
You keep watching video tutorials until you’re ‘ready’ to play the actual guitar. Several months go by and you still can’t play a single song.
Learning about how to attract women without going out and risking rejection is just as inefficient as learning about how to play guitar without practicing on a real instrument.
Why am I ranting about this topic so aggressively? Two Reasons:
- Nothing else matters until you make this mindset shift. Once you accept that rejection is the only way forward, you will make progress. But until then, everything you do is a waste of time.
- This is the most common reason guys don’t get better. I’ve personally coached dozens of guys. I ask each of them how often they go out and approach women. You know what the most common answer is? Never. They haven’t taken any action, even though they’ve spent months (if not years) absorbing online content.
I know how important it is to start getting rejected in the real world because I focused on content without taking action in the real-world. I was 16 when I read The Game, by Neil Strauss. The book taught that I could start approaching women to find an awesome girlfriend. This was a life-changing moment. I wanted nothing more than to make that happen.
But I was afraid. Really afraid. I knew that my first attempts at approaching women would be awkward. I knew I would get rejected.
So, I told myself I needed to learn more about how to pick up women before I started practicing it in the real world. I bought several of David Deangelo’s programs, I read The Art of Seduction (among other books), and I became absorbed in the world of online dating advice.
But I didn’t go out. I didn’t approach a single woman. Not until I had spent over a year “learning.”
I can honestly say I wasted hundreds of hours consuming content when I should have been taking action.
If anything, all that content made me worse rather than better. I had so much theory in my head that I became confused and overwhelmed.
I want you to avoid making the same mistake I made. (Or, if you’ve been making that mistake, I hope you’re able to finally snap out of it.)
Yes, rejection can be painful in the moment, but you should love it anyway because rejection will transform you:
- Face enough rejection and you will no longer care what other people think of you.
- Face enough rejection and you will no longer wonder “what would have happened if I approached that cute girl?” Because you will approach her.
- Face enough rejection and you will have more success with women than most guys can even imagine.
Embracing rejection isn’t an easy step to take, but it’s the only step worth taking.
You can increase your rate of progress by using every resource at your disposal to help you face rejection:
Read a challenge-based book that will guide you through the process of approaching women and facing rejection.
If you live in a big city, join the local “Inner Circle” Facebook group to find other guys who are interested in going out and approaching women.
Invest in coaching to get guidance from someone who’s been through this before. A good coach will know exactly what steps you should take to make progress as quickly as possible.
Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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2. How to use The Pygmalion Effect to make anyone like you
3. A simple psychological trick to prevent women from flaking on you.
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