Clubs suck. They’re unbearably loud, half the people are trashed, and the women get approached by so many creepy guys that they’re going to assume you’re another creep until you prove otherwise.
Despite all this, beautiful women congregate in clubs by the thousands in any decent-sized city.
Clubs might suck, but if you want to hook up with a hot girl the same night you met her, there’s no better place to do so than a nightclub.
Do you want to sleep with the kind of girls that most guys only fantasize about? Yes? Then it’s in your best interest to learn how to successfully approach a girl in a club.
How To Approach A Girl In A Club Step 1
Clubs Are An Emotional Environment, Not A Logical Environment
Women go to clubs to have fun: if talking to you isn’t fun, you’re going to get rejected.
If most of the girls you approach say something to the effect of, “I have to use the bathroom,” or, “I have to find my friends,” what they’re really communicating to you is, “Talking to you isn’t fun, I’m out.”
If you’re not having fun, no ‘pickup line’ will make a girl like you. But if you are having fun, you can make almost line work. Take for example a few of the crazier pickup lines I’ve successfully used:
Me: “Are you from Tennessee?”
Her: “Why, because I’m the only ten you see?”
Me: “No, because you look like a child of incest.”
(She asked me for my number five minutes later).
Me: “Did it hurt?”
Her: “What, when I fell from heaven?”
Me: “No, when you fell and broke your face.”
Her: “You’re such an asshole!” (while laughing)
Me: “You’re hideous.”
Her: ‘bursts out in laughter’
(this only worked because she was extremely hot.)
Now, I don’t recommend calling a girl hideous or implying that she looks like a child of incest. However, the fact that absurd lines like those can work illustrates an important point: what you say doesn’t matter nearly as much as how you say it.
You can get away with just about any line if you say it in the spirit of fun. At the same time, even the best lines will get you rejected if you say them with even a hint of neediness.
To make sure you approach in a way that adds to the fun, ask yourself this simple question before you approach, “How can I make her night better?”
Asking this question will remind you that you’re approaching to offer value, not to get something from the girl. And if you approach to make her night better, there’s a significantly higher chance that she’ll respond to you positively.
If you’re thinking, “That’s cool, but what line should I use?” You can open with pretty much anything, but if you want a go-to opener, use this, “Hey, I like your style and I had to introduce myself.”
The above line is good because it starts the conversation on a positive note in a way that compliments her but not so overtly that you give away some of your power.
How To Approach A Girl In A Club Step 2
Make Her Feel Strong Emotions
Once you’ve started a conversation, how do you prevent the interaction from turning into a job interview? By inciting strong emotions.
An interview-style interaction is logical, it doesn’t go much deeper than:
“What do you do?”
“Where are you from?”
Flirting, in contrast, is emotional: it’s about creating and releasing tension. Flirting, at its core is push-pull, hot-cold, or positive-negative.
The mixture of hot and cold creates uncertainty. It makes the girl wonder, “Does he really like me or is he just talking to me to kill time?” This uncertainty is exciting for the girl, and if you do it well, it can make her feel sexual arousal.
Things that are “hot” (or positive) include:
- Holding strong eye-contact.
- Complimenting her.
- Approving of something she says, “You’re a nurse? That’s awesome.”
- Getting in close physical proximity to her.
- Touching her.
- Actively listening to what she says.
Things that that are “cold” (or negative) include:
- Teasing her: “You’re smart for a California girl” (can substitute any state)
- Disqualifying her (You’re like the sister I never had, let’s climb trees and drink kool-aid!)
- Taking a step back to create physical space.
- Avoiding eye contact.
- Saying you have to leave soon.
- Taking away physical touch.
- Interrupting what she says.
- Disagreeing with her.
If you’re too “hot” (positive), the girl will feel like she has complete power over you: she’ll think that you would sleep with her no matter what she said. Being overly available implies you must not have much value.
If you’re too “cold” (negative), the girl will feel you don’t like her as a person. As such, she won’t enjoy interacting with you – so she’ll leave.
The power of hot and cold lies in finding the right balance. Each girl is different: some prefer a mostly hot interaction, others prefer a mostly cold interaction.
However, on average I’d say the best balance is about 80% hot and 20% cold. Overall, the interaction is positive, but you’re using some “cold” to create a sense of challenge and intrigue.
Of course, your conversation can’t be all “hot and cold”, you do need to structure the conversation around something.
The easiest way to do this is to memorize a few basic questions that you can ask every girl you approach. These questions aren’t inherently fascinating, but you can use them as a foundation to build your conversations from.
Here’s some examples of questions you might use:
“What do you do for fun?”
“What are you passionate about?”
“Are you ambitious?”
“Where are you from?”
Whenever she answers one of your questions, you can do one of three things:
1. Go deeper on that topic:
If she says she’s passionate about helping people, you can talk in-depth about how she wants to help people.
If she says she likes to hang out with friends for fun, you could say, “You seem like the type of girl who gets high with her friends and talks about philosophy”
2. Compliment her:
If she says she is ambitious and she’s working on becoming a published author, you could say, “That’s really cool. I can tell you’ve got the kind of crazy brain it takes to be a good writer.” (You could then follow up with a question about her writing to go deeper on that topic.)
3. Tease her:
If she says she’s from Texas, you could say, “Texas? That explains a lot.”
If you ask her what she does for fun and she says she likes to read, you could say, “How many times have you read 50 Shades of Grey?” (Implying she likes smutty romance novels)
Holding a conversation in a club isn’t complicated. The environment isn’t designed for deep, philosophical conversations. All you need to do is make the conversation emotionally engaging. Ask some basic questions to give the conversation structure, and when she answers those questions use pushes and pulls to create sexual tension.
How To Approach A Girl In A Club Step 3:
So far we’ve covered how to approach a girl in a night club and how to keep the conversation interesting. If you want anything sexual to happen with the girl, the next thing you need to do is lead hard.
In a club, you can’t just approach a girl and talk to her for a couple hours in the same area you met her.
Within five minutes of approaching a girl, you should invite her to hang out with you somewhere nearby. For example, you might say:
- “Hey, let’s go dance for a minute.”
- “Let’s go to the outside area so I can actually hear you.”
- “Come meet my friends, they’re really cool.”
If the girl you approach likes you, she’ll probably be comfortable to leave her friend and move to another area of the club with you. If she won’t, you have three options:
- Invite her friends to come as well.
- Stick around with her for another 10 minutes or so before making another suggestion.
- Get her number and make plans to hang out with her later. If a girl isn’t willing to move a few feet away from her friends, there’s a good chance you’re not going to be able to bring her home with you. In that case, your best bet is to make plans for a date with her before moving on to another girl.
Once you’ve lead the girl to another area of the club, you can get more physical (because her friends aren’t there to judge her).
You don’t need to make out with a girl in a club to take her home with you, but if you’re new to picking up girls in clubs, making-out can help build your self-confidence so that you feel comfortable going for the pull later.
Get Her Logistics
Make sure that if you’ve been talking to a girl for a good 15 minutes that you get her logistics. The simplest way to do this is to ask, “What are you doing later tonight?”
Her answer will give you a good idea as to how likely it is she’s going to go home with you that night. She might say something like,
- “Nothing, what are you doing?”
- “I’m not sure yet.”
An answer like that usually means the girl is down to hang out with you after the club closes.
If, however, she says:
“I’m going back home with my friends.”
“I’m going to sleep soon, I have work early tomorrow.”
Answers like those indicate that she doesn’t want to go home with you that night. To be fair, this isn’t a hard rule, there are exceptions. (If your intuition says you can bring her home, don’t hesitate to go for it).
Generally, if you get a response like that, I recommend you just grab her number and approach another girl. Otherwise, you might spend your entire night talking to someone who doesn’t want what you want.
Go For The Close
If you think a girl is open to the possibility to going home with you, suggest that you and her hang out at your place. I like to use the lines:
“Hey, it’s way too loud here, let’s go get a drink somewhere we can actually have a conversation.”
You: Have you ever watched X movie/TV show?
Her: Nope, can’t say I have.
You: Are you serious? You have to see it, it’s amazing. Let’s go watch it.
Her: Right now?
You: Yeah, it’ll be fun.
If the girl’s down to sleep with you that night, you don’t need the smoothest line in the world to get her to agree to come home with you.
Once the girl has agreed to go back to your place, the rest should happen automatically. (you can read this article to learn exactly how to escalate once you’re at your place).
Wrapping Up How To Approach A Girl In A Club (And Bring Her Home With You)
I’ve gone out to meet women in clubs with hundreds of guys – only a few of them have pulled attractive women home with them.
What’s the main reason these men fail to pull?
They just don’t take enough action. They approach one or two girls, get rejected, and then spend the rest of the night observing women instead of interacting with them.
If you want to bring girls home with you, keep in mind that most of your interactions aren’t going to lead anywhere. Even if you do everything right she might have a boyfriend, she might just not have chemistry with you, or she might be a lesbian. Don’t expect to pull one of the first few girls you approach.
A night out is marathon, not a sprint. It may take 10, 20, or even more approaches to meet a girl who you have mutual attraction with and who is interested in going home with you that night. Follow the four steps I outlined above and you will consistently be able to pull women home with you when you go out – so long as you stay out for at least a couple hours and keep approaching until you meet a girl who reciprocates your interest.Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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