Women will rarely tell you they’re attracted to you. Instead, they show interest through their actions.
Once, I met a girl in Vegas who said, “We’re not having sex tonight,” three times over the course of the night. Surprisingly, later that night, when she and I were making out in my hotel room, she asked, “Are you going to fuck me already, or what?”
If I took what this girl said literally, I never would have invited her back to my hotel (why waste my time?) But I knew this girl was interested in me, not because of what she said, but because of how she acted. (1)
Indicators of Interest
Women will show their interest in a variety of ways. They will:
- Make strong eye contact with you.
- Ask you questions (instead of making you carry the conversation).
- Touch you.
- Laugh at your jokes (even when they aren’t that funny).
Knowing the above list of indicators of interest is useful, right? Well, actually, relying on indicators of interest can handicap you’re dating life. Every girl is different: one girl might show interest by making strong eye contact, but another might show interest by shyly looking away.
The Vegas girl from the above example didn’t make strong eye contact, she didn’t ask me a lot of questions, and she didn’t even touch me (until we were in a room together). She was a relatively shy girl. If I relied on indicators of interest, I would never have brought her back to my hotel room.
So, if you can’t accurately tell whether a girl likes you based on what she says, and you can’t tell based on how she acts, how the fuck are you supposed to tell if a girl likes you?
Compliance. The best way to determine whether a girl likes you is to give her the opportunity to either reject or accept your advances. The Vegas girl from the above example didn’t give me many indicators of interest, but when I asked her to dance with me, she agreed. When I invited her back to my place to get a drink, she agreed. If a girl is interested in hooking up with you, it’s very likely she will give you compliance when you attempt to move the interaction forward.
Here are the most important ways a girl will show compliance:
- She sticks around while you’re talking to her (as opposed to making an excuse to leave the interaction)
- She accepts your touch.
- If you invite her to go somewhere with you, she agrees (I.E. to go to another area of a club or back to your place).
- When you lean in for a kiss, she responds enthusiastically.
As a rule of thumb, a girl who likes you will comply to the above requests because she wants the interaction to lead towards sex.
Of course, compliance only works within the bounds of common sense. If you invite a girl back to your place five minutes after meeting her, she’ll probably say no. If you make a large request too soon, you might not get compliance even if a girl is attracted to you.
How To “Test” Compliance
In the early 2000’s, pickup artists taught elaborate methods of getting compliance called, “compliance ladders,” and although the theory behind them is solid, they’re too complicated to be practical. I’ve created a simplified system for using compliance to determine whether a girl is interested in you below:
1. When You’ve Just met: She Stays
If you approach a girl and she doesn’t like you, she will most likely find an excuse to leave the interaction within the first few minutes. She’ll need to “Use the restroom” or “Go find her friends.”
To be fair, a girl might stay and talk to you even if she’s not attracted to you. You can’t be 100% certain if a girl likes you within the first few minutes of meeting her. This is partly because she’s not 100% sure if she likes you, either. As a rule of thumb, if a girl doesn’t make an excuse to run to the hills– you’ve got a chance.
The most common mistake guys make in this stage of an interaction is that they don’t ask for further compliance (this is sometimes referred to the 30-minute conversation to nowhere). Even if a girl likes you, it’s unlikely she’s going to make the first move. You must take responsibility and lead the interaction in the direction you want it to go – that’s why step 2 of this system is so important.
2. 10 minutes into the interaction: She Follows Your Lead
If you offer your hand and say, “Let’s go get some fresh air for a minute,” a girl who likes you will most likely take your hand and go with you.
Asking a girl to move to another area with you is a great way to determine if a girl is interested in you because it’s subtle. You’re not telling the girl she’s beautiful or asking her on a date, you’re simply moving to another area with her – this technique allows you to find out if a girl is interested you without showing your hand (and giving away your power).
If a girl complies to this type of request, there’s roughly a 90% chance she’s interested in you. Women rarely leave their friends to hang out with a guy they don’t like – and why would they?
To be clear, if a girl rejects your request to move to another area, it doesn’t necessarily mean she isn’t interested. It’s important for some girls to stay with their friends – they won’t leave the group even for a guy they like.
If you’re relatively inexperienced with meeting women, you should just move on if a girl declines your request to go to another area of the club/campus/mall with you. You don’t want to waste time with a girl who’s probably not interested (and there are plenty of other women you can meet who will be interested).
If a girl you like rejects your request to move to another area, your best bet is to continue the conversation for a couple minutes before grabbing her number to set up a date with her later. That way, if it turns out she did like you, you won’t be missing an opportunity (but you also won’t be wasting your whole night talking to the wrong girl if it turns out she didn’t like you).
3. 1 hour into the interaction: She Enters Your Home
If a girl is following your lead from one area to another, and she stays in conversation with you for about an hour, the next step is to bring her home with you.
If a girl you just met agrees to hang out with you in the privacy of your home, you can be fairly confident that she likes you. You can invite a girl back to your place any number of ways, my go to is simply to say,
“Hey, it’s too loud here, let’s go somewhere we can have a real conversation.”
Some other lines I’ve used to pull include:
- “Rock Band after-party, let’s go!”
- “You haven’t seen X movie?!? You need to see it, it’s amazing. Let’s go, right now.”
- “Let’s get pizza!” (The pizza is in my freezer)
You don’t need a great reason to bring a girl to your place, you just need an excuse that isn’t “let’s fuck” (saying that puts too much pressure on the girl). If a girl is interested in hooking up with you, she will agree to go to your place for whatever silly reason you come up with.
To be fair, a girl who likes you might refuse to go home with you. Some girls just don’t do one-night stands: they might be religious or abstinent. Other times, a girl can’t go home with you because she has somewhere to be early in the morning or she has to sleep in the same room as her friends.
If a girl won’t go home with you, you have two options:
1. You can stick in the interaction until the end of the night and go to her place at the end of the night. Before doing so, ask yourself the question, “What would happen if she and I were alone in a room together?” If the answer is, “We’d tear each other’s clothes off,” then, going with her has a good chance of leading to sex.
To go with her, ask, “What area of town are you headed to?” Reply to whatever her answer is with, “Oh, I’m near there, we should split an uber.” If she’s unenthusiastic, then she’s probably not that into you, but if she says something along the lines of, “Yeah, that sounds like a great idea!” Then you can go with her at the end of the night.
When you’re in the Uber with her, you need to create an excuse to enter her house. The easiest way to do this is to simply ask if you can use her restroom while you wait for another Uber to your place.
When you’re in her house, one thing should lead to another. You’ll both forget that you were “waiting for your Uber”.
If you’re thinking, “This sounds creepy,” well, it is creepy if she’s not into you. However, if she is attracted to you, you’re creating a logical excuse to do what you both want to do.
You can’t tell a girl, “Oh, you have to go home with your friends? Can I come along so we can fuck when you get home?” That wouldn’t be relatable, so, if you want to go home with her, you have to create a situation where it makes sense for you to do so. Again, you should only do this if you’re confident that it’s on between the two of you, otherwise, go with option
2. If you invite a girl back to your place and she declines, sometimes the best option is to make plans to go on a date with her later and to then go meet other people. Say something like, “It’s been cool talking to you, we should get coffee sometime.”
When a girl rejects your invitation to go home with you, it’s often not that she’s rejecting you, she just can’t go home with you at that particular moment. That’s why you should always make plans to hang out with the girl later in this type of situation.
4. In the Bedroom: She Has A Good Time
Once a girl is in your house (or you’re in hers), the last form of compliance you want to get is, well, sex.
Start by giving the girl an excuse to hang out in your room. For example, you could say “Have you seen Arrested Development?” (or any show/movie). If she hasn’t seen it, say, “Oh, you have to see it, let me show you.” Then bring her to your room and put the show on.
Sit on your bed, and she’ll most likely follow suit. If she doesn’t, say something like, “You can take a seat,” I’ve never once had a girl say no to this request. (If a girl responds negatively to this, it’s a sign that your intentions weren’t clear throughout the interaction. In that case you might want to work on showing clear intent.)
When she gets in bed with you, you can start watching the show and physically escalate at your own pace. The vast majority of the time, when a girl gets into bed with a guy, she knows something sexual is about to happen. (Obviously, if she does give resistance, respect her wishes and stop what you’re doing.)
If you are nervous about kissing a girl in your bed, you can make it a bit easier by first saying, “Close your eyes for a second,” then, when she closes her eyes, lean in for the kiss.
When you’re new to having a girl in your bed, it’ll probably be a nerve-wracking experience. The first time I had a girl back at my place she massaged my entire body head to toe, but I was so nervous that I said, “Well, I’m getting tired, we should get some sleep.”
When we woke up in the morning, she said, “Well, that’s not what I was expecting,” before heading out. I never saw her again.
It was awkward. It was frustrating. But the next time I was in a similar situation I gathered my courage and leaned in to kiss the girl (and one thing lead to another). So, bringing a girl home might be uncomfortable at first, but if you want an abundant dating life it’s a necessary step.
The only way to get over your nerves is to put yourself in the situation that makes you nervous (having a girl in your bed) repeatedly until you get comfortable with it. I know, it’s hard work getting multiple attractive women in your bed, but it’ll pay off.
Wrapping Up Indicators of Interest Suck
Those are the four key points of compliance in any interaction with a woman:
- She Doesn’t Leave
- She agrees to follow your lead from one area to the other.
- She’s willing to go home with you.
It’s far more practical to focus on whether a girl is giving you compliance than to focus on whether she’s giving you indicators of interest.
Thinking about whether a girl is giving you indicators of interest (I.E. “Is she making strong eye contact? “What’s her body language saying?”) doesn’t directly lead the interaction towards sex.
Testing for compliance, however, helps you sense whether a girl likes you while simultaneously leading the interaction towards sex.
Looking for signs that a girl likes you can also backfire because it’s a defensive strategy. When you’re looking for signs that a girl likes you, the fundamental assumption is that she doesn’t like you unless she’s giving you certain signs. This can lead you to falsely assume a girl isn’t attracted to you when she actually is.
Furthermore, we interpret indicators of interest through the filter of our emotions. If we don’t feel confident in our attractiveness to women, we’re likely to be ultra-sensitive to signs that a girl doesn’t like us while ignoring the signs that she does like us. If, for example, a girl doesn’t make strong eye contact with you, you might think it’s a sign that she’s not interested, but it might actually be a sign that she is interested, she’s just too nervous to hold strong eye contact.
Indicators of interest are unreliable, by following the above compliance-based system, you will be able to consistently move interactions towards sex with the girls who like you. Yes, you may get rejected sometimes when moving an interaction forward. But remember, not trying to move an interaction forward is getting rejected by default.
Follow the system for getting compliance laid out in this article and your dating success will skyrocket.
Of course, for a lot of guys, the first step is to start going out into the real world to meet women. I read PUA content for over a year before I started approaching women. I know a lot of guys fall into the same trap I did: they consume a lot of content but don’t take action in the real world.
To help you avoid making the same mistake, I’ve created The Trial: Transform Your Dating Life in Eight Weeks. The Trial is an action-based program that will get you to finally start going out regularly, so you can get real-life dating success.
(PS: If you’re committed to getting your dating life handled as quickly as possible – I currently have three slots open for 1-on-1 Skype coaching. The first hour is completely free. In that hour we’ll develop a step-by-step action plan to get you the dating life you want.
Whether you’re looking for a long-term relationship or some casual hookups, if you sign up for a free hour-long session, we will develop a bulletproof plan to get you your desired result.
If you decide to continue coaching after the first hour, the normal rate is $30/hr. But you don’t have to sign up for more than the free hour unless you want to.)
1: To be clear, if a girl says she doesn’t want to have sex when you’re in bed with her, you need to back off.Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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