I took a deep breath and approached her,
“Who lies more, men or women?” I said.
“Um, is that supposed to be your pickup line?” She replied in a judgmental tone.
“Oh, sorry for bothering you.” I said, before skittering away with my tail between my legs.
The above interaction is a sample of my experience in the awkward newb stage of learning pickup. And yeah, it was pretty cringe.
But the awkward newb stage isn’t all bad. During it, every approach is thrilling and every positive response you get from a girl can give you a high that can last for hours.
Unfortunately, many guys give up on game entirely before they can get out of the awkward newb stage.
For example, 7 years ago a friend and I decided to get some girls’ numbers from our college. We were so nervous that we spent hours walking around campus without approaching a single girl.
After four hours of wandering around campus, my friend finally sucked it up and approached a girl. She wasn’t mean to him, but the conversation was pretty awkward and he didn’t walk away with her number.
My friend was so upset with how uncomfortable his interaction was that he decided he was done with game. He didn’t go out to meet women again for six months.
How To Get Out Of The Awkward Newb Stage
The awkward newb phase is a time of emotional extremes. A good interaction with a girl can make your day, a bad interaction can ruin it. If you’re in the awkward newb phase, the biggest risk is developing a negative mindset.
We all have bad days, we all get hurt by rejection sometimes. The meaning you give to those difficult experiences is going to determine whether you use them as fuel to motivate you or as an excuse to give up on success with women entirely.
If you get rejected by a girl, the voice in your head might start thinking things like:
- “That wouldn’t have happened if I was rich.”
- “That wouldn’t have happened if I was taller.”
- “That wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t have such a shitty upbringing. My subconscious mind will always screw me over.”
We all have these thoughts occasionally, what matters is that you don’t believe them. If you accept the thoughts that say you are inadequate, you’re going to give yourself a license to fail (as soon as you believe your failures are because of something you can’t change, you’ve given yourself an excuse to stop trying).
Notice those thoughts and challenge them. If you start thinking that a girl rejected you because you aren’t good looking enough, tell yourself, “To be fair, I was pretty nervous talking to her, and I wasn’t very fun or positive either. What can I do to improve my vibe?”
I’ve gone out with a lot of guys who fit into the “awkward newb” category. Many of them quit game within a few months of starting. Those who quit all let their mindset become toxic.
If you want to move past the awkward newb stage, you must take an IRRATIONAL level of responsibility for everything that happens.
Frankly, you’ll never know with 100% certainty whether a girl rejected you because of your appearance, status, or because of your personality. But blaming your results on things outside your control will never help you.
I’ve never seen a guy fail with women who also had 10/10 charisma. Sure, I’ve seen guys with a 6/10 appearance fail with women, but they also had a 6/10 personality (if not worse).
If your personality: your “game” is a 10/10 – then (and only then) you can blame your failures on your looks.
10 years in the game and I have never seen that happen, not once.
Taking responsibility is hard. It means accepting that your failures are because of your decisions. Responsibility is a bitter pill, but it’s the only way to change.
If every time you go out, you think about what you could have done differently, you’re giving yourself the opportunity to improve.
Conclusion – Stage 2: The Awkward Newb
As frustrating as this phase can be, it can also be extremely rewarding. The first time you get a girl’s number from cold approach, you’ll get a powerful high. The first time you kiss a girl from cold approach, you’ll be on cloud nine for days.
Additionally, if you get out of the awkward newb stage, you’ll be able to look back at how much you’ve changed and feel a real sense of accomplishment.
Everyone has some rough nights out when they’re new to game. What will determine your success or failure is whether you take responsibility for those rough nights and learn from them – or use them as an excuse to give up on yourself. The choice is yours.
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