She was my perfect 10. She looked like Mila Kunis but taller, and with a body that was the perfect mix of athletic and curvy. The sex was good, but if I’m being honest, the ego trip was better. I felt like I had finally made it, all this effort had got me the kind of girl I had always wanted.
But I wanted her too much. I was desperate to keep her. And naturally, she grew distant, and eventually stopped returning my texts.
I had oneitis for this girl. Oneitis is an unhealthy attachment to one particular ‘special’ girl. You’ve decided this is the girl you want, and all other girl’s pale in comparison. She’s your angel, your queen, and you’ll do whatever it takes to get her and keep her.
We all get oneitis when we meet a girl who’s more beautiful, more interesting, and more confident than most other girls we’ve met.
Unfortunately, oneitis is a disease that causes us to waste large amounts of time, energy and emotion on a girl we can never have.
Unless you learn how to treat your oneitis, it can drive you into a scarcity mindset that will ruin your dating life for months (or in some cases, even years).
How do you know you have oneitis? If one girl occupies your thoughts on a daily basis, but she isn’t your girlfriend, you’ve got it.
If you think things like:
- “I normally wouldn’t spend so much time on a girl, but she’s different.”
- “I usually sleep with a girl sooner, but she’s not that type of girl.”
- “I want to establish trust and connection via friendship before I take things sexual with this girl.”
- “She might be the one.”
Then congratulations, you have oneitis.
The best part about oneitis is that you won’t want to admit you have it. You’ll think, “Yeah, but this girl actually is different. My girl is the exception.”
Sorry man, there are no exceptions. If you regularly think about a girl you like – who you aren’t actively dating – it’s oneitis.
There’s about a 5% chance you’ll ever end up sleeping with this girl, and even if you do, you’ll scare her off real quick.
Nothing is a bigger turn-off to women than neediness. And oneitis is the ultimate form of neediness.
She will feel that you really, really want her, that you’re attached to the idea of getting her, and this will push her away.
When you have oneitis, pickup tactics won’t work. You can try to tease her or to act like your disinterested, but it’s just so obvious to her how attached you are that you can’t trick her.
I’ve seen oneitis play out a hundred times, in my life and in the lives of other guys. It always ends badly.
Of course, the guy always thinks he has a chance and that he has to fight for this girl because they have a ‘special connection’.
The Treatment for Oneitis
There’s only one cure for oneitis: fuck ten other girls.
When a guy gets oneitis, he usually stops sleeping with other women as a way to ‘show his devotion’ to her.
Unfortunately, the longer he goes without sex, the more desperate he becomes to get this one special girl.
It’s similar to what happens in gambling when you start losing money. You bet more and more money to recover your losses, but you only end up losing so much more money because you did so.
The more you invest in one girl, the worse your chances of ever getting her ever become.
Fucking ten other girls is your only chance of getting the girl you have oneitis for.
Once you sleep with other girls, you won’t be so attached to your oneitis, and then you might actually have a chance at making something happen.
Or, more likely, you’ll realize that she wasn’t nearly as special as you thought, and you’ll keep meeting new women.
That may be hard to believe, but try it for yourself. Especially if you can’t admit that you have oneitis, and you think this girl really is worth all the effort.
You’re not going to get her by pining over her more, you can only get her if you get into an abundance mindset and draw her in with it.
How I Hooked Up with My Oneitis
I had oneitis for a model who I was friends with in high-school. I was so nervous that when she tried to kiss me at a New Year’s party, I turned my face away before literally running away from her.
I avoided her for weeks after that embarrassing incident. Obviously, nothing was going to happen with my crush.
Years later, I ran into her at a club. The dynamic was completely different. Within a few hours we ended up in my bed.
After I slept with her, I realized that my crush on her was never anything special. She was attractive, but we didn’t have amazing chemistry and she wasn’t someone who I would seriously date.
It was all an illusion caused by my desperation. Now that I wasn’t obsessed with her, I could see through the mirage.
I get it, your oneitis is different, she’s actually special, she’s really a perfect 10 in every way.
Fine, let’s assume that’s true.
Has your current approach worked? No.
Try something different, actively pursue other girls so that you stop being so obsessed with this one and see if the dynamic changes with your crush.
See if you’re able to interact with her more confidently. See if you’re able to finally make the move you’ve been hesitating to make for so long.
Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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