Charisma makes everything easier. Especially attracting women. Charisma is the it factor that draws women to you like moths to a flame. With it every woman you meet will want to see you again, people will hang onto every word you say, and women will fall in love with you in a matter of hours.

The common myth about charisma is that you either have it, or you don’t. This myth isn’t based on sound reasoning, but on laziness.

It’s much easier to believe that charisma is a mythical quality just outside your reach than to believe that through honest self-reflection and hard work, you too, can become intoxicatingly charismatic.

Charisma is an amalgam of several personal qualities that when blended together make an individual absolutely magnetic. Each quality is in itself powerful, but it is the combination of these qualities that makes someone truly irresistible.

1. A Charismatic Lives in His Own Reality

Perhaps the most important component of charisma is not giving a fuck what other people think. A charismatic lives in a reality of his own creation, with his own rules.

Steve Jobs’ colleagues often said that Jobs had a, “Reality distortion field,” meaning that his belief in himself was so powerful, that you couldn’t help but be influenced by it.

Most people adapt to the rules that society imposes on them. Men learn to become people pleasers, they learn not to make bold moves with women they’re attracted to, and they learn to adapt to the trends and beliefs of others. They dress like other people dress, they talk like other people talk, and they even think like other people think.

Charismatics are the exception to this. They choose their own values instead of accepting the values that others impose upon them. They tend to be less agreeable than most men, but they garner more respect from others because they stay true to their beliefs.

Russel Brand is a fantastic example of this aspect of charisma. In an interview with MSNBC’s Morning Joe, Brand is flummoxed by how incompetent the anchors interviewing him are being, so he says, “Is this what you all do for a living? Okay, well let me help you, these people I’m sure are typically very good at their job.”

Brand continued, “You convey news to the people of America? People of America, we’re going to be okay, these are your trusted anchors. Give me the papers, I’ll shuffle them for ya’. Okay, thank you very much, we’re going to be talking about Edward Snowden, this whistleblower. Is it good what he’s done for America, or our secrets being jeopardized by his intentions?” Brand goes on to literally do the anchors’ jobs for them as a way of mocking how ridiculous they were being.

Most men in that situation would have been uncomfortable and reserved- they would have politely put up with the awkwardness.

But when Russel Brand saw the cast of Morning Joe making fools of themselves he called them out on it because he doesn’t give a fuck about being agreeable: he lives in his own reality.

There’s an easy way to find out if you live in your own reality, or not. Do women get nervous interacting with you? If the answer is no, then you’re probably too focused on being agreeable and fitting in.

No, I’m not saying every woman you talk to should get uncomfortable, and I’m certainly not saying they should dislike you, but their should be some tension in your interactions and women should sometimes get a little nervous in your presence.

By nervous, I don’t mean afraid for their lives, I mean they feel like they’re on the spot. In Russel Brand’s interview with Morning Joe, one of the co-hosts, Mika was so uncomfortable she started fumbling her words. Brand wasn’t being antagonistic, he was just being authentic, and sometimes authenticity will cause tension.

People pleasers avoid this tension at all costs, and although no one dislikes them, no one truly likes them either. When you live in your own reality, you will butt heads with people sometimes, but this will also cause people to respect you, and even admire you for your authenticity.

 

2. A Charismatic Is Decisive

You’re on a date with a girl. You think it’s going well, she’s laughing, she’s touching you from time to time, but you’re not 100% sure what she’s feeling. Your internal dialogue looks something like this:

Voice 1: “She likes you, man. Go for it, kiss her.”

Voice 2: “Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. I’m going to wait for her to give me ‘the signal’”.

Voice 1: “The signal? Just go for it, don’t wait for the stars to align.”

Voice 2: “You’re making good points, but I’m not sure yet, I need to be completely sure it’ll work before I make a move.”

We’ve all been there. A girl clearly liked us, and we wanted to make a move, but we hesitated because we wanted to be 100% sure that she was interested, first. We kept putting off making a move further and further. Until the opportunity passed us by completely.

People, in general, like strong leadership. We’re drawn to people who know what they want and go for it without hesitation.

Ironically, waiting to make a move on a girl will actually make her more uncomfortable than just going for it. The longer you wait, the more she’s left to wonder, “What’s going on here, what’s the point of this?”

If you’re decisive and just make the move, she’s going to appreciate your candor much more than pussyfooting around.

Plus, decisiveness is in itself attractive. Decisiveness shows that you see yourself as someone of value, that you are someone who should be followed, and people assume that there must be good reason for that positive self-belief, so they accept it as true.

Decisiveness doesn’t mean you try to control other people, it simply means that you don’t hesitate to go for what you want.

Decisiveness is something guys in the seduction community (in general) desperately need more of. These guys spend so much time reading about how to be more attractive because they’re in a state of indecision. Part of them wants to approach women and take control of their dating life, but another part of them wants to avoid rejection and the stress that goes along with taking action.

As a result, they spend their time reading about how to attract women without actually doing it. It’s so much easier to procrastinate than to make a solid decision to take control of your life.

This isn’t to say that information isn’t valuable, but if you’re reading about pickup more than actually doing pickup, it’s a reflection of your general indecisiveness. You need to make the choice to approach women, or not, instead of just dipping your toes in the water by learning about it.

Decisiveness isn’t something that you can trick yourself into developing. You must start to act more decisively. This might mean you start going out and approaching women, it might mean you start asking women for their numbers instead of just being friendly, and it might mean you actually make that website you’ve been thinking about making instead of talking to your friends about how awesome it’s going to be.

An indecisive person is obsessed with avoiding mistakes. They overthink things (like whether to kiss a girl) because they’re focused on the consequences of failure. A decisive person focuses on the possible rewards of taking action. They take risks because in their world-view, failure isn’t a catastrophic event, it’s just something that happens, and it’s okay when it does.

 

3. A Charismatic Is Fun

The secret sauce of charisma is being incontrovertibly fun. Fun is the one thing everyone wants more of. Therefore, if you are a source of fun, people will want more of you.

What differentiates someone who’s fun from someone who’s not? You could judge it by external qualities: someone who is fun smiles and laughs more than someone else. But it’s much more helpful to boil fun down to its internal cause: someone who is fun doesn’t take themselves, or those around them, seriously.

It’s the attitude that nothing is a big deal that allows you to be fun. To deconstruct this a step further, you will be fun when you’re not reliant on a certain outcome to feel happy.

For example, a guy might feel that he needs a girl to like him to feel happy. Because of this, he filters himself and puts on an overly polite mask to make sure he doesn’t offend her. But, at the same time he prevents himself from letting loose and having fun with her, because to do so would risk him failing his ‘objective’.

We can’t be fun when we’re trying to get a specific result. The very nature of fun is that it is spontaneous and natural. But, when you focus on getting something – say, getting a positive reaction from a girl – you can’t be truly spontaneous anymore.

As long as you’re focused on your objective, you will monitor whether your actions are helping you get that objective or not. This monitoring of your behavior ends up filtering out everything that’s most fun about you.

What happens when someone tells you, “Make me laugh?” You’re put on the spot. Now that making this person laugh is a success, and not making them laugh is a failure, it’s going to be very difficult to make them laugh. The pressure of needing a certain outcome has made it nearly impossible to be funny.

This same phenomenon plays out in your interactions with girls. The more you feel that making the girl like you is a win, and anything else is a loss, the more you’re going to suffocate your own natural, carefree, and fun personality.

To be fun, you must be okay with the possibility that what you say may cause tension, and that any particular girl may not like you. Ironically, the more you’re okay with the possibility that people might not like you, the more likeable you will become.

 

Conclusion- How To Attract Women With Charisma

Cultivate the above three qualities, and you will become irresistibly charismatic. Living in your own reality, being decisive, and being fun are the fundamentals to being magnetic- not just sexually – but as a person in general.

Change stems from your mindset. So, to implement the lessons in this article, think about these qualities, and in what ways you could develop them further.

For example, you might ask yourself, “Do I take myself too seriously? Why? What is this doing for me?”

By questioning yourself, you pave the way for new insights, and those insights pave the way for new behaviors.

As soon as you become aware what it is that you can change to become more charismatic, you will be liberated to change your behavior in a positive way.

If you’d like to dive deeper into the subject, you can read Zero F*cks Give, The 21st Century Man’s Guide To Deep Self Confidence. This book will guide you through the process of becoming extremely confident and charismatic- every step of the way.

In Zero F*cks Given, you will learn:

-How to overcome the insecurities you don’t know you have.
-How to stop caring too much about the opinion of others.
-The reason most men’s dating lives suck, and how you can be the exception.
-The counterintuitive practice that will free you from emotional suffering.

 

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2 Comments

Zio Giovanni · February 7, 2018 at 2:50 am

Spot on. Bring care free and outcome independent is THE WAY to live life. I strive to achieve this mindset daily. Have a long way to go but I become happier the less I care/worry about what they think of me. Carried those bags around for 40 years and missed out out many opportunities because I judged myself unlikeable or incapable, or worried about others judgement. Nobody gives a fuck about anyone but themselves. Thanks for this post, Avery. Keep em coming. Your writing is on a much higher plane than a lot of the PUA trash out there.

    Avery · February 7, 2018 at 9:05 am

    Thanks man! Agreed, it’s incredibly important, yet it’s something most guys suck at lol.

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Get your free book: The Psychology of Seduction

Learn how to use proven psychological principles to attract women. In this book, you will learn:
1. How to increase your value using the power of scarcity.
2. How to use The Pygmalion Effect to make anyone like you
3. A simple psychological trick to prevent women from flaking on you.
4. And much more.

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Something went wrong.