How To Kiss A Girl For The First Time
The most anticipated -and intimidating- moment in any newly unfolding relationship is the first kiss. As the big moment approaches, thoughts start flooding your mind:
- “What if she rejects my kiss?”
- “What if it’s such a bad kiss that she doesn’t want to see me again?”
I get it, man. Hell, I didn’t kiss a girl until I was 18 years old, and it wasn’t because I didn’t have opportunities, it was because I was terrified that something would go wrong.
I literally worried that I would lean in for the kiss, and then I would miss the girl’s lips entirely- resulting in a humiliating rejection.
It turned out that most of my fear was made up in my mind. It’s true that there’s a difference between a bad kiss and a good kiss. And yes, it’s totally possible to get rejected for a kiss. BUT, even if those things happen, it’s not actually that big of a deal.
I’ll go into the specifics of how to kiss a girl for the first time shortly, but the most important thing to keep in mind is that it’s not that big of a deal. The more you think about your first kiss with a girl, and the more you blow it up in your mind, the easier it’ll be to get in your own way.
When kissing a girl for the first time becomes so important to you that you analyze every potential detail, you turn kissing her into something mechanical, not romantic.
It’s okay if the kiss isn’t perfect, it’s even okay if you get rejected. In either of those cases you’ll learn from the experience. The only real mistake you can make is not trying. If you don’t try, you’ll just be left wondering what might have happened if you took that risk.
You Lose If You Don’t Try
When learning how to kiss a girl for the first time, first, you need to know when to actually lean in for the kiss. I’d say this is the hardest part of the whole ordeal because it can feel like a lot is at stake.
This girl might be your friend, and if you lean in for the kiss, but she rejects it, you probably think you risk losing the friendship.
Even if there were a risk of losing (or at least, damaging) the friendship when you lean in for a kiss, so what? What’s the alternative? To wonder what could have been if you had the courage to go for it?
Regret is more painful than rejection. Wondering what could have happened is much worse than trying and failing. If you like her, you’re not going to stop liking her and just want to be friends at some point. Be honest with yourself, don’t tell yourself you’re not interested in her just to give yourself an excuse to avoid doing something that scares you (kissing her).
Signs She Wants You To Kiss Her
There are a few common signs that girl wants you to kiss her:
- She might hold eye contact with you even after conversation has died down.
- She might compliment you in a way that indicates interest, “You have beautiful eyes” is the most common one I’ve heard.
- She might touch you in a way that seems to be more than platonic.
All these signs are great, but you have to be careful with relying on them. Not every girl is the same, some will give you all the above signs, and others will give you none.
Also, these signs are easy to misinterpret, how do you define exactly when her eye contact means she wants to kiss you?
The problem with this is that it’s easy to make negative assumptions, “She’s just touching me to be friendly, she’s holding eye contact but it’s not strong enough to be ‘the sign’ that she wants me to kiss her.”
I used to rely on waiting for indicators that a girl wanted me to kiss her way too much. I would go on dates and I would never go for the kiss because I assumed that she hadn’t given me enough signs.
It’s good to be aware of these signs, but it would be better to trust your gut instinct over anything else. The trick here is to ask yourself, “Does some part of me feel that she wants me to kiss her?”
You might feel anxious, and doubtful, but if some part of you feels that she wants you to kiss her, you’re probably right.
Kissing is about picking up how she feels, the signs that she is interested are subtle, and they’re not easy to pick up on a conscious level- because of this, you have to learn to trust your gut instinct.
And yeah, a part of you is still going to doubt yourself and feel nervous. But that’s fine, if some part of you is telling you that yes, she is interested, trust that part.
Remember, even if it turns out you’re wrong, and she’s not interested in you in that way, it’s better to try and fail than not try at all.
Leaning in for a kiss and getting rejected is awkward, but honestly, it still gets the weight of wondering whether she is interested off your shoulders.
Just be respectful of her decision, if she isn’t interested, take a step back, apologize for misreading the situation and get back to talking, just be cool about it and she’ll probably be cool about it, too. If you act resentful or butthurt, then she’ll probably get upset, too.
Going In For The Kiss
When I was learning about how to kiss a girl, I read lots of techniques and strategies. One piece of advice said I should say, “I really want to kiss you right now.” Before going in for the kiss, so that I could gauge her interest. Another piece of advice suggested first kissing her neck before kissing her lips.
This advice didn’t turn out to be helpful. I was looking for a way to avoid the anxiety I felt about going in for the kiss. I thought it would be easier to kiss a girl if I used these techniques, but it didn’t matter- the only way to get over my anxiety was to face it head on.
And yeah, it was hard. I went 18 years without kissing a girl, and in that time, I built up a lot of anxiety about it. But there was no technique or strategy that was going to make it easier, I just had to take a leap of faith.
When you go in for the kiss, just lean in towards the girl’s lips. If she’s interested, she’ll meet you half way and you can proceed from there.
There’s nothing complicated about it, just move your lips towards hers. Don’t wait for a “special moment”, just trust your gut instinct. If any part of you is saying she wants to be kissed, trust that part, and go for it.
Being A Good Kisser
As far as kissing technique goes, the best way to learn is through practice. There’s no one universal best way to kiss: different women like different things. I could tell you to be gentle, or not, I could tell you how much tongue to use, etc. but context is key, it depends on the woman.
Although you don’t want to get too bogged down in technique, there are two useful general guidelines to follow for being a better kisser:
- Pay attention to what she does. Chances are, she’s going to do things that she would like you to do to her. So, if she uses a certain amount of intensity, a certain amount of tongue, likes playful biting, etc. then take that as a sign that you should do the same to her.
- Use your body. You have two hands, use them. Hold her body, move your hand up and down her neck, gently touch her face. The more of your body you use in a kiss, the more intimate that kiss will be.
Get Constructive Criticism
You can also ask a girl for feedback after you’ve kissed her. Ask her questions like,
“How do you like to be kissed?”
“What could have made that kiss even better?”
“What was the best kiss you ever had like?”
These questions might be uncomfortable, but the feedback you’ll get is invaluable. If you ask her straight up what she wants, she’ll probably tell you.
Be sure not to ask the question in a way that sounds insecure, like, “Was that kiss okay?” Because if you do, she’ll probably tell you something reassuring as opposed to the complete truth.
Your first kiss with a girl will rarely be 10/10, just like with sex, it’ll get better as you get more familiar with each other’s likes and dislikes. Don’t expect perfection, just do your best to read the signs she gives you and to improve through practice.
Conclusion: How to Kiss a Girl for The First Time
I was as terrified of kissing a girl for the first time as anyone. I looked up advice for how to kiss a girl without facing my fear, but that advice was all misleading- the only way out is through. When you’re new to kissing, it’s going to be anxiety provoking, but instead of avoiding that anxiety, lean into it.
You’re anxious because you care, and no matter how much it feels like you couldn’t possibly act in spite of your fears, you are in control. It’s ultimately up to you to accept the anxiety and take action anyway. No words or advice can ever get rid of your anxiety, only your own actions can.
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