How to Touch a Woman
The most obvious difference between a guy who gets friend-zoned and a guy who gets laid is the use of physical touch. Guys who end up in the friend-zone are rarely physical with a girl they’re interested in.
I know this because I spent most of my life being the guy who gets friend-zoned. Every girl I liked would end up saying something along the lines of, “You’re a good friend.” Or, “You’re like the brother I never had.” (Ouch)
If I knew how to touch a woman, I would’ve had a much better dating life because physical touch opens up a lot of doors. Simply put, if a girl does like you, physical touch is the necessary first step towards anything intimate. If you can’t initiate touch, you can’t expect anything sexual to happen.
What holds us guys back from touching a girl is the fear that we will creep her out. If your touch is jarring or overt, then yes, you could creep the girl out. However, if you keep the guidelines I’m about to share with you in mind, you can touch a woman without much risk of her getting uncomfortable because (in many cases, your touch will actually her more comfortable with you).
The first time you touch a girl, it should be on her shoulder (in most cases). This is because most platonic physical touch is on the shoulder. We experience being touched on the shoulder on a daily basis and most people are generally comfortable with it.
If you grab a girl by the waist, the back of her head, or something along those lines, the touch is extremely intimate and could make her very uncomfortable. But touching someone’s shoulder is normal, so it won’t be jarring or creepy.
The most natural time to touch a girl’s shoulder is when she says something you like: it could be something that makes you laugh, smile, etc.- touching her at this point is a way to build a sense of rapport and trust with the girl.
You can touch a girl at other points, too, but if you’re not sure when you should be touching a woman, use the above guideline as a rule of thumb.
The most common mistake guys make with physicality is being too “jumpy”, they move their hands erratically which makes the girl think he’s about to hit her or something.
Obviously, this is very uncomfortable. When you touch a girl, you want to the motion to be relatively slow, simply so the touch doesn’t seem overly aggressive.
Of course, touch is a bridge you have to cross if you want something sexual to happen with a girl, but that’s not the only reason why you should get comfortable with touching a woman.
Physical touch is a powerful way to get a sense of where the girl is at in terms of her comfort/interest in you. The way a girl responds to your touch can help you get an understanding of whether she’s interested or not.
There are three basic responses to physical touch:
A green light response is a positive response. If you touch a girl and she touches you back or leans towards you, this is a green light.
It means she’s comfortable being touched by you and is a good sign that she may be interested in you sexually (obviously, it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s attracted to you that way, but it is definitely a positive indicator).
If a girl gives a positive response to your touch, it would be sensible for you to keep being physical, and to at some point take it further by, for example, holding her hand or asking her to dance (if you’re in a club).
A yellow light is a neutral response. If you touch a girl but she doesn’t react to it at all, (she just lets it happen) it’s an indication that the touch isn’t offensive, but she isn’t totally comfortable with it, either.
A lot of the time, this means that the girl doesn’t really trust you yet. The best response to a yellow light is to pull back for now. By pulling back you are showing the girl that you care about how she feels, and that you can respect her boundaries.
In many cases, showing a girl that you are capable of taking a step back will make her more comfortable with you, and then there’s a better chance she will respond positively to your touch in the future because of this.
Sometimes a girl who gives you a yellow light just isn’t interested in you, but not always. Your best bet is to wait a while and get to know her better before touching her again (in a non-aggressive way), to see if she responds differently once she’s more comfortable with you.
If you touch a girl and she steps back, moves your hand away, or tells you stop: that’s a red light. This is unlikely to happen when you’re just touching a girl’s shoulder, and it usually indicates that something you were doing was too aggressive or sudden.
If you got a red light, it’s usually because of one of the following:
-The touch was too intimate (You touched her waist, you held her too tightly).
-You scared her because you were too jerky with your movements.
-She dislikes you.
Sometimes, though, a red light just means that this particular girl just doesn’t like being touched by someone who she doesn’t know well-enough (you’re going to have to use your best-judgement to determine whether it’s because you’re doing something wrong or if it’s just because of the girl’s personality).
When you get a red light, take a step back, just like with the yellow light. Depending on the severity of the red light, you may also want to quickly apologize to show her that you respect her boundaries. “Sorry about that. Anyway, like I was saying. . . ”
In most cases, you’ll be able to get back to what you were talking about previously. When you get a red light, there’s a good chance that the girl just isn’t interested in you. However, sometimes it just means she isn’t comfortable with you yet
If you think you have chemistry with the girl, wait some time before touching her again, and when you do touch her again, make sure it’s not anything that a platonic friend wouldn’t do (i.e. a light touch on the shoulder). Then, if she responds positively, you can proceed from there.
Wrapping Up How To Touch A Woman
How to touch a woman:
- It’s generally best to start with a light touch on the shoulder.
- The most natural way to touch a girl at first is to touch her when she says something you like.
- Touch is a good way to gauge a girl’s comfort/interest, if you get a green light it’s a good sign, if you get a yellow or red light it means take a step back and show that you respect her boundaries.
If you want something to happen with a girl, you’ll have to touch her eventually. Fortunately, you can do this without being creepy or aggressive, and touching a woman will give you a good sense as to whether or not she might be interested in you.
If you never touch a girl, nothing sexual will ever happen, it’s a first step that has to be taken.
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