How to Become an Alpha-Male
“Beta-male” is one of the terms in that’s been so overused in the seduction community that it’s lost meaning. There’s a general understanding that a beta-male is weak, submissive, and sexually unappealing, whereas an alpha-male is strong, dominant, and sexually attractive, but is there a clear, differentiating factor between “betas” and “alphas”?
Yes. The difference can be summed up as follows:
A beta-male is a man who lets the external world dictate his sense of reality (he believes the world is in control of him).
An alpha-male is a man who dictates his own sense of reality (he believes he is in control of his world).
- A beta-male is willing to fall in line with the expectations and rules that others say he must follow. For example, when he is told that to attract women he must be good-looking or high-status, he’s willing to accept that (and if he doesn’t consider himself good looking or high-status he won’t bother trying to attract women).
- When a beta-male is told that he’s not talented or destined for success, he’s willing to accept that (and he’ll get a safe, low-risk job).
- And, when a beta-male gets rejected by a woman, he accepts that he just wasn’t attractive to her.
Let’s ground this with an example. Elon Musk is many things, among them, he’s definitely an Alpha-male. While in college, Elon asked a girl on a date to get ice cream with him. She agreed, but before their planned meeting, she said she was too busy with studying to make it to their date (she flaked on Elon Musk…).
Instead of assuming her rejection meant that she didn’t like him, Musk asked a friend of the girl who flaked on him what his almost date’s dorm number was and what her favor of ice cream was.
Then Elon Musk went directly to this girl’s dorm, with her favorite ice cream in hand. Afterwards, Elon and that girl ended up in a long-term relationship.
A beta-male would have accepted that the girl rejected him, and that the situation was out of his control, but Elon Musk assumed that he had control over the situation, and made something happen.
Put simply, beta-males are delusionally unentitled, whereas alpha-males are delusionally entitled1.
This extends to all areas of life, in business, for example, alpha-males are more likely to rise to the top because they’re willing to assert themselves and take risks. The alpha-male will do what it takes to get what he wants, because he believes that nothing can stop him from getting it.
The beta-male doesn’t take risks, he plays by society’s rules, and according to the rules, you have to wait your turn, be mild-mannered, and agreeable- and if you do, things will work out in the end.
It’s not that alpha-males are good, and beta-males are bad. But alpha-males create opportunities in life, whereas beta-males don’t. Elon Musk created a relationship from rejection and a business empire without being born particularly wealthy. Beta-males just accept their circumstances, it’s the difference between being a sheep and being a wolf.
How to Become an Alpha-Male
If you’re a beta-male, then you have a certain set of beliefs about yourself and the world around you, and you have a set of behaviors that result from those beliefs.
Beliefs aren’t easy to change, we develop our beliefs throughout our entire life, and over-time they become deeply entrenched in our psyche.
To change your beliefs, you must start by changing your actions. If you act in a way that a beta-male would never act, your brain will slowly rewire itself and you’ll start thinking and feeling like an alpha-male.
You’re going to face emotional resistance if you want to start acting as an alpha-male acts, your brain is going to look for excuses to avoid doing anything that a beta-male wouldn’t do.
The trick to overcoming this obstacle is to start small and then build momentum over-time, otherwise you’ll probably burn out.
So, what actions can you take to become an alpha-male?
Take social risks.
Beta-males are terrified of the repercussions of social risks, you can trace this back to a few hundred thousand years ago when our caveman ancestors lived in tight-knit tribes of 50-150 people. Back then, if you were a beta-male and you did something socially unacceptable (like making advances on an attractive female) you would be ostracized, or even killed.
As a beta-male, the only way to survive was to do what you were expected to do and avoid confrontation.
Today, we don’t live in a dangerous environment, and taking social risks doesn’t have any real repercussions. But your brain doesn’t know that, your brain feels that social rejection could mean you will die. You don’t think it consciously, but you feel it emotionally.
This is why people are nearly as afraid of public speaking as they are of dying. As far as your brain is concerned, if you gave a bad speech, it could literally lead to your death2.
Alpha-males are the exception, they are at ease with rejection because alpha-males have to be leaders who take risks, it’s an intrinsic part of being an alpha-male.
So, if you make a habit to take social risks, over time you will get comfortable with risk, and your brain will rewire itself to believe you are an alpha-male.
This is because if you’ve managed to get away with taking so many social-risks, it must mean that you’re an alpha-male3, and then your thoughts and feelings will start to align with this new identity.
Any social risks will help here, but the simplest route is the most effective (especially considering this is an article about game). Take risks with women. This means approach a lot of women, and just as importantly, ask women you meet out on dates.
Just going out to meet women isn’t enough, you have to do things that make you uncomfortable. This is where a lot of guys in the seduction community go wrong, they might go out, but they don’t approach many women, and if they do, they rarely do anything risky like ask them on dates or make a physical move.
The key to really make this change is to:
- Make it habitual, i.e. something you do on a regular basis, not just once every few months.
- Baby-step it, i.e. don’t have unrealistic expectations, if you have extreme social anxiety, don’t expect yourself to go from 0-100, set incremental goals. First, you might just set a goal to say hi to a girl, once you do that, you can progress from there.
If you like structure, you can check out: The Trial- Transform Your Dating Life in Eight weeks to get a specific plan for how to build your confidence with women, it’s like the workout programs P90x or Insanity, but for dating. Take the steps laid out for you in the book and you definitely won’t be a beta-male by the end of the eight weeks.
Wrapping up How to Become An Alpha Male
Most men are beta-males, that always has been and always will be the case. In the past, there wasn’t much you could do to change this, if a beta-male started acting like an alpha-male he would end up dead.
Fortunately, times have changed, and now there is nothing to stop you from taking the reins and becoming an alpha-male: someone who dictates his own reality and makes his own rules.
But doing so won’t be easy, you’ll have to take social risks to show your brain that doing so doesn’t have any dire consequences.
As soon you realize you can get away with being assertive and going for what you want, your identity will change, and you will stop seeing yourself as a sheep who needs to follow the herd, and start seeing yourself as a wolf who can take what he wants.
How to Become an Alpha Male Beta Vs. Alpha Examples
- A beta-male is like a sheep in a herd just trying to stay alive. An alpha-male is like a wolf on the hunt.
- A beta-male is at the effect, an alpha-male is at the cause.
- A beta-male waits for opportunities, an alpha-male creates opportunities.
- Sometimes alpha-males have a problem with accepting no as an answer because it just doesn’t compute, and that’s a form of unhealthy entitlement. But most alpha-males can ultimately accept rejection, they just don’t take it personally, they brush it off as being her loss, not his.
- It’s not a rational thought, it’s a relic of the fact that our brain evolved to help us survive over hundreds of thousands of years, we’ve only had civil societies for a short time on the evolutionary time-scale. And your brain hasn’t changed much in that time, your brain is designed to survive in the environment that our ancestors evolved in: a tribal, dangerous environment.
- Research has found that status can change over time. Basically, your brain constantly monitors your status, and avoids taking actions inappropriate for your status. If you take risks and nothing bad happens, your brain will start to assume you are high-status.
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