In this article, you’re going to learn what attraction is (and what it isn’t), and how any man can leverage the power of attraction to have greater success with women, whether he looks like George Clooney or Curious George.
Attraction often gets confused with arousal, but they are two completely different things. Arousal is an immediate sexual desire to sleep with someone, it’s being turned on, it’s yearning for sex. Attraction, however, is simply the feeling that you’d rather have a particular person around than not around. Simply put, if a girl’s mood would go down after you stopped interacting with her, she is attracted to you.
Attraction doesn’t imply arousal, instead, it facilitates it. When a girl is attracted to you, she is more open to being aroused by you: she’s more likely to hold strong eye contact with you, or to touch you (or let you touch her), because she feels positively towards you, she’s more open to your influence.
What Causes Attraction?
Attraction is driven by emotions: anything that makes a girl feel good (or that she thinks will make her feel good) can trigger attraction.
For example, if you’re rich, and she thinks having more access to your wallet will make her feel better, then your money will drive attraction. Or, if she thinks you have high social status (because of how you’re dressed, who you’re with, or the simple fact that you’re having fun in the social environment), then that will likely drive attraction because associating with you would benefit.
Attraction is completely selfish, it’s not about you, it’s about how you make her feel. Now, it’s certainly easier to make a girl attracted to you if you’re tall, handsome, and rich.
But don’t use that as an excuse. Even if a girl initially thinks you’re unattractive (based on your appearance), if you can make her feel good when she interacts with you, that will change. If you’re hilarious, charismatic, confident, etc. than a woman is going to want to see more of you, regardless of how you look.
Looks Aren’t an Excuse, They’re a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
It is true, that in most cases, guys who aren’t good looking tend to be less attractive to women. But it’s mostly because they’re insecure and don’t feel like they have a chance with beautiful women, so when they interact with a hot girl, the girl can feel their desperation/negativity and she feels worse around the guy than when he’s not there*. Then, the guy assumes the girl thought he wasn’t good looking enough, and gets more insecure and thus becomes even more repellent to beautiful women.
But, if a guy who isn’t particularly good-looking shifts his focus onto how he makes women feel, he can become attractive to them. You could call the Tyrion Lannister effect, the guy may not be the most classically beautiful, but he absolutely is attractive, he’s carefree, clever, and charismatic.
If you’re thinking, “Bullshit! I’m fundamentally unattractive because of how I look!” Then, I have a couple questions for you:
How funny are you when interacting with beautiful women?
How confident are you when interacting with beautiful women?
How positive are you when interacting with beautiful women?
I can almost guarantee that you’re not conveying the traits that would make women feel good when interacting with you (at least not at a high level), and that’s the real crux of why you’re not attracting women.
How to Become More Attractive
To create more attraction, your best bet is to learn how to spark positive emotions in women. Here’s a few ways you can accomplish this:
Watch standup comedy
Watching standup can help you understand how humor works. Analyze what it is about the comedian’s stories that’s getting a positive reaction.
A lot of people think humor is something you’re born with (or not) but this is nothing more than an excuse that humorless people make to feel okay about how boring they are. You can learn how to be funny, and the most efficient way to do is to learn from those who have boiled it down to a science. Watch comedians, think about what it is that’s working so well for them, and experiment with what you’ve learned in your own life.
Practice classic PUA tactics (I.E. push/pulls and disqualification.)
Pickup tactics can be overly mechanical, but the cool think about them is that they’re specifically designed to elicit an emotional response in a girl
Practicing complimenting a girl only to disqualify her a moment later can help you get a feel for how what you say can affect how a girl feels. The better you understand this, the more consistently you’ll be able to spark attraction.
Use classic PUA tactics to learn how your words affect a girl’s emotions. An easy one you can use to start is to throw in the phrases, “I hate that, “and “I love that” into your conversations. When a girl says something like, “I’m from California,” you can say, “I hate California.”
This comment should get an emotional response, and by playing around with “I hate” and “I love” you can get a better understanding of how to create the kinds of emotional spikes you want girls to experience (obviously, at first this might be a bit awkward, it takes practice to do this in a way that is charming).
Make fun of yourself
One of the biggest reasons PUA guys tend to have trouble attracting women is that they take themselves WAY too seriously. If you fall into this category, it can be helpful to make a point to make fun of yourself- doing so forces you to let go a little and be more carefree.
You can do this in any number of ways: by telling girls you’re a virgin, that you live with your mom, or whatever else you can come up with. The point is to say something that someone who is trying to come off as “cool” would never say. Once you can let go of your need to make a certain impression, you won’t filter your personality and you’ll be more fun and carefree.
Another way you can practice this is to do something awkward on purpose, like laugh obnoxiously every time a girl speaks (I’ve had a lot of fun with this exercise). Doing something that you would never do if you were trying to get a good reaction can help you let loose.
To be clear, I’m not saying that these exercises will attract the girls you use them on, but they can help you shift gears to get into a social mood in which you’re not stiff or try-hard.
It definitely works for me, because I’m naturally VERY try-hard, but as soon as I do something stupid I’m able to shift into a more carefree mindset.
Wrapping up How to be More Attractive to Women
There you have it, how to be more attractive to women. Yes, it does help to be good looking and rich, but if you’re fun to be around you can be attractive no matter what you look like.
Remember though, attraction isn’t arousal. Being attractive doesn’t necessarily mean a woman will sleep with you, but it will make her more open to the possibility.
If a girl likes you as a person, it’ll be much easier to get her aroused. (I’ll make another post on arousal in the near future, but if there’s one simple thing that can help with arousal it’s making strong eye contact. If your eye-contact isn’t good you should work on that before anything else.)
(* This is also part of the reason why girls tend to have a less positive first impression of guys who aren’t good looking- most unattractive guys are annoying and needy, so it’s safe for a girl to assume that new unattractive guys she meets will also be annoying and needy.)
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