Game is a self-fulfilling prophecy: whether you think you will succeed or fail, you’re probably right.
Imagine a guy read The Game and thought, “Well, this shit’s pretty cool, but it won’t work for me, I’m just not good looking enough.” After reading The Game, he wouldn’t start cold approaching women because he wouldn’t see the point. This guy might never get a substantial level of success with women, simply because he created a reality in which success wasn’t possible.
This isn’t an arbitrary example, I’ve had numerous guys message me saying things like, “Yeah, but my situation is different, I’m bald/short/Asian/etc. Game really won’t work for me.” As long as they think that way, they will be correct: your thoughts create emotions which then create actions.
For example, let’s say you think that you’re destined to get this success with women thing handled, you’re going to feel driven to take action, you’ll go out, you’ll take risks, you’ll get rejected, and you’ll learn from those rejections, make adjustments and develop a skillset over time. The chances you will get the results you wanted are obviously much higher than a guy who believes he can’t succeed, and therefore, never really tries.
In this article, you’re going to learn the 2 key beliefs I cultivated to make success with women in my life an inevitability: a self-fulfilling prophecy.
1. There’s Always Something I Can Do Better That’s Within My Control
There are numerous factors that will determine if a woman is sexually attracted to you: your physical appearance, your body language, the emotions you project, your eye-contact, etc. etc. Unfortunately, the human brain has a bad habit of oversimplifying cause and effect, as a result, it tends to fixate on thing.
For example, if a girl rejects us, we might think, “It’s because I’m ugly, no girl will ever like me, this isn’t fair,” there may be truth to the thought (or it might be completely wrong), but even if it really did have to do with your looks, when you fixate on that one factor, you disempower yourself.
Although there may be several factors that are outside of your control when it comes to attracting a woman (your facial structure, height, current income, etc.) there are also dozens of factors that are inside your control. The chode focuses on the factors outside of his control, the pimp focuses on the factors inside his control.
If a girl rejects me, I might jump to the conclusion that it was my looks, but then I take a deep breath and think, “Did I do everything that’s in my control as well as I possible could? Was I funny? Was I carefree? Was I confident? Did I lead the interaction forward? Did I show sexual intent? Did I calibrate effectively?”
I may have done some of those things effectively, but there’s no way I was 100% on point with every component of attraction that is under my control. Maybe I didn’t lead, maybe I was nervous, maybe I wasn’t relatable as I could have been, or maybe I didn’t make her comfortable enough.
Yes, maybe I would have ended up sleeping with that girl if I was male-model good looking, but I also might have slept with her if my game was amazing. I can fixate on the thing outside of my control and be a victim, or I can focus on the things under my control and get better.
Don’t assume you aren’t succeeding with women because of some external factor like your looks until you’ve mastered the factors that are under your control.
Once your charisma, your humor, body, language, etc. are all 10/10- and you’re still getting constantly rejected, then you can start moping about like a Twilight Vampire, until then, man the fuck up and get all the factors that are under your control handled.
2. As Soon As I Get Into My Body and Out Of My Mind I Am Free
There’s a part of your brain that exists to protect you from danger. It’s the little voice in your head that says things like, “She looks busy,” “She looks bitchy,” “She’s too hot,” etc. This voice exists to keep you safe from danger.
On a deeply unconscious level, we all fear strangers and rejection because in the environment our caveman ancestors evolved in, rejection could literally mean death. For instance, if you propositioned the wrong woman, an alpha male could bash your skull in.
Because evolution is a process that takes tens of thousands of years, your brain spends a lot of energy protecting you from threats that don’t exist in the modern world. If you don’t learn how to manage this properly, it can make game emotionally draining.
When we feel emotional resistance, approach anxiety, or hesitation, our default response is to try to think our way out of the problem. We try to use the same part of our brain- the little voice in our head- that causes our anxiety, to combat our anxiety. This doesn’t work because it can’t work. You can’t outsmart your excuses with the same part of your brain that generates those excuses.
The more you act, the less you can think. With enough action, you can overwhelm and shut off the part of your brain that makes you hesitate and feel anxious. Your brain simply cannot think and take action simultaneously.
Don’t trust the voice in your head when it comes to game, if you do, you’ll get in your own way and prevent yourself from having fun or getting results. The key here is to notice the voice in your head for what it is (this is known as meta-cognition).
When you’re out (or even when you’re at home deciding whether or not to go out), be aware of the voice in your head and call it out on its bullshit, for example:
“She’s too hot, I need to warm up with a more approachable girl… Wait, hold on, I can’t trust the little voice in my head, what am I supposed to do when I hear that voice? Act.”
Afterwards, of course, you approach a girl.
If you want, you can even throw in a cool technique from author Mel Robbins called the five second rule: as soon as you notice the voice in your head is making excuses, count from 5 to 1, once you reach 1 you have to act. It’s a simple psychological hack that can help you outsmart your excuses.
This is easier said than done. Sometimes you’ll catch the voice in your head, but you’ll just be too anxious to convince yourself to approach. This happens to everyone, and that’s okay. The best thing you can do in this situation is take a small step towards approaching the girl, just move your feet.
Sometimes when you do this, you’ll find yourself approaching the girl, and if not, that’s okay. Each time you catch yourself making an excuse, you’re developing your self-awareness, and over time you’ll be able to leverage your self-awareness to get out of your mind, and into your body.
The key to getting into your body is to take so much action that your mind shuts off. For different guys this will mean very different things. Some guys are naturally quite confident, and as soon as they talk to a girl, they’re in the zone. I’m naturally very anxious, so it takes me a few back to back approaches to get to a point where I’m out of my head and in my body.
Be honest with yourself, if you’re naturally anxious, you might need to warm up with a number of approaches before you shut off that little voice in your head. The cool thing though, is that if you’re naturally stuck in your head, when you do get out of your head it will be an extremely liberating experience.
By being aware that 1. There’s always something I can do better that’s within my control, and 2. As soon as I get into my body and out of my mind I am free, I have made stacked the deck in my favor.
Knowing there’s always something I can do better that’s within my control empowers me to always improve and take responsibility for the results I get.
Knowing that the voice in my head is often nothing more than my unconscious mind’s attempt at protecting me from a threat that doesn’t exist- and that I can shut that voice off by taking enough action- helps me to get out of my own way.
By themselves, these two mindsets will exponentially increase the potential you have to get the success with women you’ve always wanted.
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