How To Have A Mysterious Personality
To be mysterious is to have a magnetic aura that draws attention: It makes people curious about you, it makes them talk about you, and it even makes them envy you. Mystery is one of the most powerful social qualities anyone can develop. Unfortunately, most advice on how to be mysterious is either shallow or misleading. Read this article to learn 4 effective strategies to become more mysterious.
1. Be Excellent
The classic advice for being mysterious is to be quiet and to let people come to you. There is some truth to this, but only if something about you will make people want to come to you. The awkward, shy, introvert isn’t mysterious, he’s off-putting.
On the other hand, if you are quiet, but also excellent: at a sport, an art form, at keeping your body in peak physical shape, or anything of value, then people will be drawn towards you. They will wonder what makes you so talented, so special. They will envy your skills, and think they have something to gain from getting to know you.
The most mysterious guy I knew in college, Atish, wasn’t particularly talkative- in fact he rarely spoke to me- but he was excellent. He was a straight A student, he went to the gym four hours a day, became a semi-pro MMA fighter after only a year of training, and he was a highly skilled guitarist. Atish was mysterious because he made life look easy, he seemed to have a gift that others (like myself) weren’t lucky enough to have.
Excellence is the foundation of being mysterious. To be clear, you don’t have to be excellent at a hard skill like guitar, you can also have an excellent personality. For example, if you’re a man who is always seen around beautiful women, that will create mystery just as much as being a successful entrepreneur or artist.
2. Don’t Talk About Yourself- Focus Outwardly
Most people focus on themselves when interacting with others. This is a natural habit, but it kills any sense of mystery you otherwise might have. Truthfully, no one cares about you nearly as much as they care about themselves. When you talk to someone about yourself, often, they will lose interest (the notable exception is when telling a story that is funny or exciting), and go back to thinking about something more interesting: themselves, while they wait their turn to talk.
If you’re the rare person who doesn’t constantly talk about yourself, you will create an aura of mystery. When someone constantly talks about themselves, we lose interest, but when someone rarely talks about themselves, we actually want to know more about them, we become curious.
Break the habit of making everything about you. Instead, direct conversations towards the person you’re talking with. Sure, if someone asks you a question, answer it, but don’t go on a rant about your problems or frustrations. Benjamin Disraeli put it best, “Talk to a man about himself and he will listen for hours.”
This might sound obvious, but if you look for it, you’ll notice people constantly complain about their problems. Make a point to look for any complaining or unnecessary selfishness in your conversations, once you’re aware of what you’re doing, it will be easy to break the habit, and in so doing, you will become far more intriguing.
3. You Put Out What You Take In
The more interesting and unique your conversations are, the more mysterious people will perceive you to be. There isn’t a trick to making yourself a more interesting conversationalist, you must become more interesting in general: then your conversations will naturally follow suit.
What you let in is what you put out. If you watch laugh track sitcoms, don’t read, and have no ambitions beyond a 9-5 corporate job, then your conversations aren’t going to be fascinating, because you don’t take in fascinating content.
On the other hand, if you read interesting books, pursue cool hobbies, and follow your passions in your free time, your conversations will be imbued with more depth, intrigue, and energy. What you let in is what you put out.
If you want to become more mysterious, make a list of topics you’re curious about (for example: philosophy, American comedy, futurism, and Eastern religion), and read a book about each of these topics. You’ll notice that as you start to take in information that is based on your passions, your conversations start to reflect that. You can’t expect to be particularly mysterious if you aren’t filling your head with creative and interesting ideas.
4. Speak With Intent
Many people speak to get across information. These people neglect the most powerful component of human communication: the transfer of emotions. The way you talk is just as (if not more) important as what you say.
If you have a habit of speaking in a monotone voice, you talk so fast that you sound nervous, or so slow that people tune you out, then people won’t find you mysterious, they’ll find you boring, or even annoying.
Here’s the problem, most people who have bad speaking habits aren’t aware of it. There are two ways you can find out about this, either A. Ask your friends/family if you speak too slowly/quickly etc. or B. Record yourself speaking and listen for any of these habits. Once you hear your own bad speaking habits, it will be easy to correct them.
Take this to the next level by paying attention to your use of pauses and the tonality you speak with. Experiment with this, add in more pauses, speak with different tones, try to inject more emotion into your words- you can even record yourself doing so to get an idea of the effect it has.
The more effort you put into improving your sub-communications (tone, pauses, etc.), the more emotionally impactful your speaking will be, and the more curious people will be about who you are and why you’re so interesting.
Wrapping up How To Have A Mysterious Personality
To be mysterious is to be different. The more inexplicable qualities you cultivate, the more mysterious you will be to others. By developing your skills, focusing on others instead of yourself, taking in high quality ideas, and speaking with intent, you will be hard to explain- an anomaly- and people will be magnetically drawn to you because they need to know more.
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