How To Get Laid On The First Date

 

Dates are the ideal situation for any man who hopes to have casual sex. Most- but not all- girls who go on a date with a guy in the 21st century are open to the possibility of getting sexual (oftentimes, they’re even disappointed if the guy doesn’t make a move).

There’s a few reasons for this. Firstly, we don’t live in the Victorian Era: the modern culture is getting progressively more sex-positive. Casual sex is a big part of today’s cultural narrative- you’ll see random hookups being promoted in everything from pop music to family-friendly sitcoms

Dates are much better than clubs for a hookup because despite the sex-positive cultural swing, girls still go out in groups, and they want to protect each other from getting axe murdered by some random guy in a club.

Additionally, the logistical situation is far more complicated in a club. The girl you’re talking to might be responsible for someone else’s ride, she may have work in a few hours, or she may be sleeping a hotel with several other girls. There’s a litany of complications that make pulling more difficult.

Now, this isn’t to say that you can’t pull from clubs or bars, you certainly can, but it’s much easier to pull on dates- if you have a plan.

Many guys go on dates and “wing it,” they just hope for the best and see what happens. They might get a kiss goodbye, but rarely more. Leading dates towards sex isn’t hard, but there are a few steps you should take to be able to consistently get the results you want.

 

A. The Mindset

She Wants to Fuck Me Until Proven Otherwise

Assume she wants to fuck you. No woman is oblivious to the fact that dating, and sex go hand in hand. If a girl agrees to go on a date with you, she’s probably open to the possibility of having sex with you. (read this article for more on developing this mindset)

Understand, though, that she isn’t going to make it too obvious that she wants to fuck you. We men would love it if girls just made it clear, by saying “Want to come over to my place and fuck?” But that’s just not how girls act.

If you rely on obvious signs that a girl wants to fuck you, you’re going to miss out on most of your opportunities.

The Best Indicator of Interest is That She’s on A Date with You

As a man, as soon as you see a hot girl, you’re ready to fuck. Girls are very different, they’re in a perpetual ‘maybe’ state about sleeping with a particular guy. Most women will never risk rejection with a guy they like by making a bold move (it’s so much less risky to wait for the guy to make a move). That’s why most girls will do no more than make it easy for you to lead the interaction towards sex.

You have to assume the burden of the interaction. If you confidently lead the date towards sex, the girl will make it easy for you if she’s interested.

You can overanalyze all the little signs she’s giving you that she’s interested or not- her eye contact, body language, if she’s touching you etc.- or you can assume that she’s interested because she’s on a date with you, and lead the interaction forward until she shows hesitance.

If you assume interest, you might get rejected, but you won’t reject yourself. Truthfully, men reject themselves far more than women reject them (think about all the opportunities you’ve had where a girl liked you, but you didn’t pull the trigger). Pick your poison: assume women are interested and risk an awkward moment, or wait for proof that women are interested, and go without knowing what could have happened if you took a risk.

 

B. Preparation For The Date

 

Once you’ve got the mindset down, your next step is to have a specific logistical plan for how you’re going to lead your dates forward.

 

Have an excuse to pull

 

Generally, when you pull, you’ll make an excuse like, “Let’s watch a movie,” or, “Let’s grab a drink,” have this excuse prepared in advance. Have a bottle of wine ready at your place, have food ready to cook (it can be as simple as a frozen pizza), have a movie downloaded on your computer, or even have a checkers board ready to go. The excuse to pull doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, but plan for it in advance, otherwise you’ll have to think about how you’re going to pull her while you’re on the date, and this can easily backfire.

 

Choose a favorable location

 

Generally, I have dates about a mile from my place. There’s no reason to create difficulty for yourself by planning the date somewhere out of the way. Now, if you can’t pull to your place because you live with your parents, you’re homeless, or whatever, then find out what area she lives in and plan the date somewhere close to her place.

I avoid dinner and movies because it feels too formal, and this can make the girl feel pressured. Instead, my go to is coffee. It’s a public place so she doesn’t have to worry about getting murdered (compared to inviting her to a hike or straight to your place), and it’s a very casual social environment where it’s easy to have conversation.

 

Before The Date

First date tips for men

I always confirm my dates a couple hours before the planned meeting time. This massively reduces the risk of getting stood up. I simply text, “See you at Epic in 2hrs 😊” or something along those lines. Nine times out of ten, she’ll respond confirming or flaking.

If she doesn’t respond, I just stay at home. Then, if she does go, she’ll text me when she gets there, and I’ll just say I’m running a few minutes late and head out then.

If You’re There Before Her

 

If I get to the date before her, I like to call a friend and just chat. If I just sit there and wait, it’s very easy for me to get stuck in my head, but by talking to a friend I’m able to be social, have fun, and not overthink. Plus, when she sees me, there’s no chance it’ll look like I’ve been anxiously waiting for her.\

 

C. The Beginning Of The Date

I’ve noticed a lot of girls are nervous at the beginning of a first date. If she’s nervous, I make a point to have a very relaxed, normal conversation at first. I don’t try to spike her emotions or be provocative, I just have a very unexciting conversation about her day, movies/TV, her friends and family, stuff like that.

I do this until she seems comfortable. You can (generally) tell she’s getting comfortable by the fact that her body language will loosen up, she’ll talk in longer sentences, and she’ll make stronger eye contact.

Once she’s comfortable, then I shift my focus to getting her aroused. Put simply, this means I’m going to create more tension (for a complete guide for how to do this, click here).

A lot of guys seem to think the best way to get a girl emotionally aroused is to compliment her. Compliments have their place, but they can raise a girl’s defenses- she knows that people flatter her when they want something from her.

To be honest, I rarely compliment girls- I prefer it when women don’t explicitly know what I think of them, because that leaves room for doubt and mystery. Girls can feel that you like her when you make strong eye contact and act with intent (link to intent article), it’s actually against your best interested to logically tell her what you feel.

Think about it, what makes us binge on Netflix? The fact that we don’t know what’s going to happen next, it’s the cliffhanger at the end of the episode, the unanswered question keeps us hooked. The same applies to dating. It’s why mysteriousness is such an attractive trait, and a bit part of mystery is keeping your intentions somewhat concealed.

This is also where disqualification and teasing come in, these techniques help to create a sense of mystery for the girl, “Does he like me? Does he think I’m not sexually attractive?” and the doubt that these techniques create- when done well- will make her chase you. (Read this article for an in-depth guide on disqualification and teasing)

For the most part the girl should feel that it’s on simply because you’re there and you’re making strong eye contact. Occasionally, I make sure to give her some reason to doubt whether I like her, this is how you create the “Will they, won’t they” sexual tension that women can’t resist.

 

D. Get Vulnerable

Vulnerability is a huge turn-on for women. One study found that emotionally vulnerable conversation combined with strong eye contact was able to make complete strangers experience feelings of deep love within 30 minutes of meeting each other.

Vulnerability doesn’t mean being weak or getting emotionally overwhelmed, it means getting her to trust you because you’re sharing something real with her that you normally wouldn’t tell someone you just met (and you’re getting her to do the same).

To create vulnerability, you might talk about one of your memories that had a big impact on who you are. For example, I talk about how the unexpected death of my father motivated me to make something of my life.

To be clear, I wouldn’t bring this up if it still made me emotional (that could easily come off as weak). Instead, I’m talking about what I learned from something that genuinely changed my life, it’s not uncomfortable for me, but it is still vulnerable- and thus, it helps the girl trust me, understand me, and feel a human connection with me.

Although you might not care at all if you feel a human connection with a girl before fucking her, girls care a lot. For women, sex is a much bigger commitment then it is for men (since she’s risking pregnancy or being physically hurt), so (in most cases) she needs to trust you on a deep level before she will fuck your brains out and gargle your cock. Fortunately, if you say the right words in the right way you can make a girl deeply trust you in the course of one interaction.

You don’t have to genuinely open up to create vulnerability, you just have to give her the impression that you’re opening up by talking about topics that are more emotional and meaningful than the usual surface level topics of school, jobs, pop-culture etc.

When you bring up vulnerable topics, she’ll naturally reciprocate by being vulnerable with you. When you talk about your passions, she’ll talk about her passions. When you talk about how you get frustrated with yourself for making dumb decisions, she’ll talk about how she gets frustrated with herself when she does the same, etc. etc.

Vulnerable topics include-

-Any memory that changed your life.

-Your passions

-Your fears (so long as you can do it without sounding butthurt or negative)

-The meaning of life (Do you think life has any meaning?)

-Anything that has emotional relevance to you or her.

E. Moving the date forward

 

There’s no reason to chat at the coffee shop (or other date location) for more than 30 minutes or so. Give her the sense that she’s being swept off her feet by continuously moving the interaction forward, not just conversationally, but also in terms of location.

Within the first 30 minutes or so of a date I’ll simply suggest, “Let’s go on a walk,” (this has never been met with resistance). It doesn’t really matter if the area you’re walking in is visually appealing, all that matters is that the two of you are going on a bit of an adventure together.

You don’t have to initiate physicality while you’re walking with the girl- if there’s sexual tension you don’t need to touch her until you’re in a bedroom- but physicality can be useful in that it will give you objective feedback that the girl likes you.

If you hold a girl’s hand while walking, you can be confident that the girl is attracted to you. If you’re unsure whether the girl you’re on a date with is attracted to you, touch can be a great way to get some reassurance.

 

F. Pulling

 

While you’re walking with the girl, you can seed the pull. To do this, suggest something that would be fun to do together. For example, you might say:

You: Have you seen Black Mirror?

Her: No.

You: Really, you haven’t? It’s such a great show, you have to see it, I’ll show it to you sometime.

Her: Okay, sounds cool!

After you seed the pull, go back to normal conversation until you’re ready to pull the girl, at which point you can say something to the effect of, “You know what, let’s go watch Black Mirror right now, it’ll be fun.”

Seeding the pull usually isn’t necessary, but it greases the wheels a bit because she’s already agreed that said activity would be fun to do together.

When going for the pull, you might get resistance. If she says, “Oh, I don’t really have time,” this might indicate that she’s not ready to go home with you yet, or it might mean that she really doesn’t have much time.

If she gives you resistance, you can allay her concerns by saying, “Oh, well I live five minutes away, and it’s just a TV show, we can watch one episode then I’ll take you home right after.” If she was on the fence about whether to go home with you, this line will most likely change her mind.

If her resistance is because she doesn’t want to come home with you, the above line won’t make a difference, and there’s no point in pressing the issue any further.

PS: Notice I recommended a TV show instead of a movie, it’s not a huge deal, but TV shows are a lot shorter than movies: it’s not as big a commitment for her to watch a show with you as it is for her to watch a movie with you.

If she agrees to watch the show, lead her to your car (or her car if you don’t have one), and keep doing what you were doing. The tone of the conversation should be exactly the same as it was before the pull- you’re shooting the shit and having fun.

Some guys get quiet and awkward once they pull, this kills the vibe which can lead the girl to say, “You know what, I should be getting home now.” Don’t be that guy.

G. Closing

 

When the girl gets to my place, I offer her a drink, and afterwards I bring her to my room. My TV is in front of my bed, so I sit down on the bed and turn on the TV show. Sometimes the girl will hesitate for a moment about sitting on the bed, but simply saying, “You can sit down,” has always been enough to change her mind.

You can start watching the TV show once your both sitting down, but you can also get straight to work by playing a song and making out with her for a bit.

Don’t escalate straight to sex, before it gets too hot and heavy, press the brakes, take your attention away from her and focus on watching the TV show/movie.

I do this for a couple reasons:

  1. It shows that I’m not going to be pushy with sex, the fact that I pulled away before she did shows that I’m not needy and that she can trust me. (So many guys get desperate when they feel like they’re about to get laid, it’s a huge turnoff.)
  2. It turns her on more, it’s a form of sexual teasing. By making out with her, I’m getting her aroused. By backing off, I’m making her feel like she might not get what she wants (this makes her want it that much more).

Generally, I go through this process a few times. Each time I progress a bit further until I can tell she’s super horny, at which point I’ll start to finger her over her pants, then under, then we fuck.

 

H. Last Minute Resistance

 

If you get last minute resistance, you probably didn’t make her either:

  1. comfortable enough or
  2. aroused enough.

I wouldn’t press the issue, you might be able to convince her to let you fuck her by baby stepping, but she’s probably not going to feel totally happy about the decision. If I get LMR I back off, and get back to watching the show. I just hold back, and give her no sexual validation in the form of touching her or kissing her or anything like that.

There’s a decent chance that she’ll re-initiate things by making a move on me, if this happens great, if not, it’s no big deal. I don’t want to make her feel pressured to have sex, it’s not really a win-win if she’s hesitant about it, and I know there are plenty of other women that will be happy to have sex with me on the first date.

(PS: When you back off, it’s important not to act butthurt or frustrated, that will turn her off. Instead, keep having fun and focus on how awesome it is that you’re hanging out with an attractive girl in your bedroom.)

 

Wrapping Up How To Get Laid On The First Date

 

There you have it, those are the steps I take to consistently lead my dates towards sex. I’m not claiming that this is the end-all be all objective truth of what you should do on your dates, but I hope it gives you some ideas you can play around with.

Of course, this information is only helpful if you’re getting dates regularly, if you’re not at that point yet, you may want to check out The Trial: Transform Your Dating Life in Eight Weeks.

You can think of it as P90x for your dating life, it’s not about pickup tactics and tricks, it’s a guide to getting the dating life you want through eight weeks of action taking.

 

 

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Get your free book: The Psychology of Seduction

Learn how to use proven psychological principles to attract women. In this book, you will learn:
1. How to increase your value using the power of scarcity.
2. How to use The Pygmalion Effect to make anyone like you
3. A simple psychological trick to prevent women from flaking on you.
4. And much more.

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Something went wrong.