Harsh Truth: 90% of guys who learn about pickup don’t get the results they really want. After observing 100’s of guys fail to succeed with women, I’ve learned the top 5 reasons why seduction advice rarely leads to real life results.
1: They Wait For the “Right Moment” To Start Meeting Women
To succeed with women you have to meet living, breathing women… in person. Yet a surprising majority of guys trying to learn to get better with girls rarely leave their mancaves- its as if they believe they will manifest pussy from their computer screens once they’ve watched enough infield videos.
Guys tell themselves that they’re not ready to start approaching women. There’s four common reasons:
- I haven’t learned enough game.
- I’m not in good enough shape yet.
- I need to get their business life handled first.
- I don’t have enough time right now.
Learning game, getting in shape, and getting your business life handled are all great things to do, but waiting for any of these things to start approaching women in earnest is really just a clever form of procrastination.
Look, going out and approaching women isn’t easy, it involves a lot of stress and frustration. It’s only natural to look for ways to avoid that stress- that’s why we tell ourselves we’ll start going out once we’ve watched enough videos or have washboard abs- but the truth is, you can’t avoid that stress, it’s a necessary part of the process.
No matter how rich you or how many videos you’ve watched, girls are still going to reject you. You’re going to have to endure a lot of discomfort and awkwardness if you want real success with women, there’s no way around it. And although it might be easier if you’re in good shape or your rich, you’re still going to have to develop your social skills through a trial by fire.
Not having enough time is a common excuse, but I’ve yet to met someone who genuinely doesn’t have enough time to go out for 30 minutes a day.
However, I have met a lot of people who don’t want results enough to invest that much time into meeting girls, and if that’s you, that’s fine, pickup isn’t for you right now.
Honestly, though I’ve met a lot more guys who tell themselves they don’t have enough time as a bullshit excuse when they’re really just afraid to go through the learning process that game entails.
If you really want it, you can learn game while also getting in better shape and building your business, others have done it, you can too- it’s not easy, but time is a very dangerous excuse.
2. They Don’t Take Enough Action
Social skills take a lot of time and effort to develop. So many guys claim to be learning how to pickup girls but they spend most of their time in clubs talking to their friends about girls instead of actually talking to them.
Most of your time while you’re out should be spent with girls. Ask yourself if when you go out you’re spending most of your night in set or if you’re just chilling with your friends.
Look, there’s nothing wrong with hanging out with your friends, but if you’re out to meet girls, bring girls to meet your friends- don’t just talk to the boys about the girls you want to bang- go meet actual fucking girls.
I know this sounds so obvious that it doesn’t need to be said, but a vast majority of guys who I’ve met on pickup groups make this mistake- hell I’ve made it a lot of times myself.
There’s another version of this. Many other guys only go out once or twice a week- it takes a lot more effort than that to get real results.
You get out of this what you put into it, and if you just want to hang out with some friends on the weekend at clubs, that’s cool, but if you want a great dating life with high quality women, it’s going to take a real concerted effort to make that happen.
Most guys have a lifetime of bad habits they’ve developed with women, and you can’t relearn better habits by going out a couple times a week.
3. They Don’t Risk Real Rejection
Asking a woman out can be awkward and embarrassing, especially when you’re new to it. That awkwardness is a necessary part of the process – it’s where personal growth happens.
Getting rejected thickens your skin. Each time you get rejected, you will become a little bit more comfortable with rejection. The more comfortable you are with rejection, the more socially confident you will become. The more confident you become, the more attractive you will be to women.
Without exception, anyone who is confident in their abilities has failed many times.
For example, when you watch a professional athlete, you’re seeing someone who is extremely confident in their abilities. What you don’t see, however, are the hundreds of hours in which they ran basic drills and failed again and again.
It’s those nearly countless failures that developed their confidence. Once you’re comfortable with failure, you will be comfortable with success. Michael Jordan famously said, “I’ve failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
Each time you ask a girl on a date and she says no, you’re proving to yourself that rejection is not that big of a deal. You’re trading a moment of discomfort for long-term self-confidence. It’s a good trade.
Make sure to define rejection specifically. Many men don’t learn because they consider standing in the corner of a bar with a drink in their hand sufficient for making progress.
Personally, I define rejection as hearing a no. When I ask a girl for her number and she says, “no”, that’s a rejection. Contrarily, when I approach a girl and leave after five minutes because I’m nervous, I’m only rejecting myself.
This doesn’t mean you need to ask every girl you talk to on a date, but if you’re not asking any girls out, you’re not risking failure. And therefore, you’re also not risking success.
4. They Don’t Develop Empathy
Game isn’t just about you, it’s about learning to understand women’s emotions and to respond appropriately. When most “PUA” guys interact with women they focus on themselves:
- “Am I doing this right,”
- “Should I be more physical?”
- “Should I say that or is it too out there?”
Instead, learn to focus on the women you’re interacting with:
- “What is she feeling right now?”
- “Does the fact that she’s looking away mean she’s bored, is this conversation too logical?”
- “She’s leaning away from me, does that mean I’m putting on too much pressure?”
Game is all about effective calibration and learning how your actions cause a women’s reactions. By focusing on what the girl is feeling and why she’s feeling that you can learn- over time- how to create the effect you want to make.
You will learn how to take the pressure off when you’re coming on too strong, how to create more sexual tension when she sees you as a friend, and you’ll learn when she’s ready to be kissed, pulled etc.
But most guys never learn these things because they’re much too focused on themselves to adjust the way they interact with women based on the reactions they get. Believe it or not, empathy will get you laid, a lot.
5.They Don’t Use Systems
If you want to get in shape, you don’t just go to the gym randomly and see what happens- you use a system, whether it’s p90x, a routine, or a trainer.
The same applies to dating, you need to make specific goals and plan your actions if you want to get results. Haphazardly going out and throwing yourself out there is better than staying at home, but it’s not enough; if you do that, you will most likely spin your wheels, and eventually, burn out.
To avoid this you need to create a specific plan of action:
- What are your goals? To get a girlfriend? To have sex with a lot of hot girls? To build a harem?
- When do you want to accomplish those goals by?
- To accomplish your goals what specific actions do you need to take?
- How often will you need to go out?
- How many approaches will you have to do?
- How many rejections will you have to face?
- How are you going to learn from your mistakes and do better each time you go out?
Doing this doesn’t take more than 15 minutes, but it’s extremely valuable. Look, your plan of action might not be 100% perfect, but it will give you guidelines to follow and a system that will help lead you towards success (that you can improve over time).
Of course, you can make the process easier on yourself by getting affordable coaching or by getting a book that provides a system for you like The Trial: Transform Your Dating Life In Eight Weeks (which is something like a P90x for your dating life).
Either way, it’s essential that you make a plan, your plan is like your map and compass- it lets you know where you want to go, and whether or not your headed in the right direction.
Those are the five most common mistakes that prevent guys from getting the results they want from pickup content. I’ve made all these mistakes at one point myself, these are all very easy mistakes to make.
The key to overcoming them is self-awareness, once you know what mistakes you’re making and why you’re making them, it’s much harder to rationalize and make excuses, and much easier to take action and make change happen.Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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