This article is for you if:
- Girl’s have rejected your attempt to kiss them.
- Girl’s at clubs say, “I have to go to the bathroom.”
- Girls say, “You’re too fat/skinny/old/young” to you.
- You want to be able to turn a girl’s no into a yes.
How To Change Her Mind:
Overcome Any Objection She Throws At You
Objections usually imply that you either haven’t shown a woman that you can offer her value, or that you haven’t made her comfortable enough with you.
So, to overcome objections, you must understand why she’s ‘rejecting you’ so that you can take the necessary steps to change her current impression of you.
Attempting to overcome objections is an important skill work on, it’s the most effective way to develop what’s known as a ‘killer instinct’. Having a killer instinct means being unphased by turbulence so that you never reject yourself.
A killer instinct is one of the big differentiators between guys who get occasional results with women, and those who can consistently make things happen, because although we all get rejected by women, we also reject ourselves far more often than we’d like to think about. Guys with a ‘killer instinct’ will do everything they can to achieve their desired outcome, and so, if a girl likes them, chances are, these guys will make something happen.
The following section will not only help you overcome the specific objections mentioned, but it will also help you develop a general ‘killer instinct’ so that you make the most of your interactions with women in general.
(note: some of these don’t apply to daygame, use common sense.)
She rejects your escalation attempt
If a girl rejects your attempt to escalate (lead her to the dance floor, make out, etc.) it is because she isn’t sexually attracted to you yet/comfortable with you yet. How do you change her mind?
Brush the rejection off and continue the conversation where you left off. After a minute or so, disqualify her, you can say something like, “It’s so rare I meet a girl I feel like I can actually just talk to and be friends with.”
A disqualifier is especially powerful after a girl has rejected you, because it’s extremely unexpected, it shows a lot of confidence, and a lack of neediness on your part, which are both attractive qualities.
Make sure the conversation has a flirtatious vibe by making strong eye contact and by creating emotional tension.
Create a sense of connectedness with her by finding commonalities you share and by showing interest in how she feels.
If you implement these steps effectively, you should be able to move things forward after a bit more conversation with her. If you get rejected again, there’s a good chance she’s simply unavailable or doesn’t have natural chemistry with you, if this is the case, it’s best to move on.
She says she needs to use the bathroom
Usually, when a girl says she needs to use the bathroom, she doesn’t actually have to go to the bathroom, she’s saying this because she’s labeled you as another loser guy at the club.
You’re going to have to change her impression of you, fast. Your best bet is to say something like, “Sorry, give me a second chance, like in the movies when the guy doesn’t make a good first impression, but he makes up for it by being vulnerable and real afterwards. Just give me one minute, then you can go to the bathroom.”
This serves a few purposes. Firstly, you are using a cultural norm to your advantage, we’ve all been taught that we should give people second chances and by calling this to her attention, she will likely comply because that’s what she’s learned she’s supposed to do.
Secondly, by asking for just a minute, you’re showing her that you’re willing to leave, that you’re not a stalker, and this gives her more reason to agree to your request.
Thirdly, you are being vulnerable in a confident way, which is attractive to women. If you can make her feel that you’re being a human and not just a guy trying to bang her, she will see that you’re not just another club douchebag.
To build on this effect, after she agrees to stay for a minute, you can ask her what it’s like being a girl in a club dealing with creepy guys all night. This shows that you care about her perspective and that you are socially intelligent. Beyond that, it gives her incentive to talk in a way that is real, thus she can drop the superficial club mask and build a real connection with you.
She says she has a boyfriend
If a girl says she has a boyfriend, there’s a good chance she’s lying. Your goal here is to find out the truth as quickly as possible. As soon as she mentions that she has a boyfriend say, “Does he let you have friends?”
She will, almost assuredly, say yes. Now you can banter with her for a bit. From here you want to make strong eye contact, disqualify her, create some emotional tension, and show interest in her.
If you are on point, she will likely start to become attracted to you.
Your next step, then, is to lead the interaction forward. Now that you’ve overcome her initial resistance, you can find out if she really has a boyfriend by attempting to lead the interaction.
For example, you can ask her to dance. Since she likes you now, if she doesn’t have a boyfriend, she’s unlikely to object, if she still objects, she probably has a real boyfriend, and there’s not much cause to press the issue any further. Move on to the next girl.
She disqualifies you
Example disqualifiers: “You’re too old.” “You’re too fat.” “You’re not my type.” Whenever a woman disqualifies you, it’s easy to get discouraged, but if you respond effectively, the disqualifier will lose its power and meaning, and even help you build attraction.
The adage, “Change her mood, not her mind” applies here, she might logically think you’re not her type for X reason, but if you respond to her disqualifier like a champ, that logical reason won’t matter, her emotional attraction will take precedence.
There are two effective ways to respond to disqualifiers: 1. Exaggerate it 2. Reverse it on her
By exaggerating a disqualifier, you are showing her that you don’t care, and that you have high self-esteem; which is in itself, attractive.
If she says you’re too fat say something like, “Yeah, I eat McDonald’s every day, I’m such a slob.” If she says you’re not her type you can say, “Yeah, I’m actually no one’s type, that’s why I’m an involuntary celibate. It’s okay though, I’ve learned to accept my condition.”
I want to point out an important caveat, you must say these things in a humorous tone. If you actually sound like you’re an involuntary celibate, you will seem self-pitying instead of charming.
You can also reverse a disqualifier onto her to turn it into flirting. If she says you’re too fat, tell her, “You’re too skinny. I like a girl with some real meat on her bones.” If she says you’re too old say, “You’re too young, barely even an adult. Do your parents still pay for your bills?”
If you sound serious, you’ll just start an argument. However, if you say these lines humorously, you are flipping the disqualifier back on her, and thus have turned it into a flirtation.
When a woman says a disqualifier, she often means it. Fortunately, her logical disinterest in you doesn’t matter, because as you know, attraction isn’t a choice. If you are playful with her disqualifier, it can actually help you as opposed to being an obstacle.
She says she needs to meet her friends
Usually when a girl says she has to meet her friends, it means you haven’t hooked her yet, and she wants to leave the interaction
You need to change the frame of the interaction, if you show you’re willing to ‘fight for her’ in a confident, non-needy, way, you can easily change how she feels about you.
To accomplish this, first, misinterpret the meaning of her statement by saying, “Okay, yeah, let’s go find them, what area of the club are they in?” Nine times out of ten, she will tell you where they are, now lead her to that area of the club.
This serves multiple purposes, by leading her to her friends instead of reacting to her, she is now reacting to you (in your frame).
Also, by doing this, when she finds her friends it will look like she must like you, why else would she go with you to meet them? This helps make the group dynamics work in your favor. Now, when you meet her friends, don’t be flirtatious, just be positive and fun with the entire group.
When the group starts to like you, the girl you like will change her mind and be glad she met you, and see you as a source of value. After a few minutes of interacting, turn your attention back to her, and the dynamic will be different, with her wanting to keep you with her, as opposed to wanting you to leave.
She says she is lesbian
One night at Surrender in Vegas, I wanted to see what would happen if opened with, “Hey, wanna get out of here?” Some girls, of course, said no. But one girl said, “Sorry, I’m a Lesbian.”
Here’s how I responded, I said, “That’s okay, I’m basically a woman myself.”
She said, “You’re not really though.”
I went on to say, “Well, I have a tiny dick, and I am very in touch with my feminine side. I love chick flicks and stuff. I’m technically a guy, but I have a so many feminine qualities that meeting me could be an opportunity to try something new.”
She said that I had a good point and started aggressively flirting with me. (All I’ll say is that it turned out she wasn’t as much a lesbian as she had implied.)
Instead of giving up or arguing with her if she says you’re a lesbian, pitch yourself in a way that creates a narrative in which it makes sense that you should be there, even though she’s a lesbian.
You can say you’re very feminine (it doesn’t have to be true) and make up a ridiculous story about why that’s the case, and she will more often than not totally change her opinion of you, and she’ll want to get to know you more.
Sometimes a girl who says she is a lesbian really is one, sometimes they just say that to get rid of lame guys who approach them, sometimes they’re bi. But a lot of times, this objection can be overcome.
She doesn’t give you anything to work with
If a girl is responding to you, but she’s very,” meh” (gives short responses, acts unengaged), her initial impression of you is that you don’t have much value to offer. Physically attractive women do this especially often, because if they didn’t, they would be spending their whole night at a club dealing with desperate, lame, club douchebags.
To get past this, you can give her a real mindfuck. Say in a humorous tone, “Here he is, another desperate club douchebag. How do I get rid of him?” She might say, “Wait, what?” Say, “nothing, anyway…” and continue your conversation normally, you’ll likely have piqued her interest, and she should open up to having a real interaction with you now.
If not, you can say, “He’s still here? I wonder if I can get him to buy me a drink. Wait, is he trying to voice my internal thoughts?”
If she asks what you’re doing, just act like you have no idea what’s she’s talking about, now you’ve turned this interaction into a game, and you’re almost certainly going to throw her off balance, giving you the opportunity to set the pace of the interaction in a way that is beneficial to you.
After you’ve got her to react to you, be fun and flirtatious and you will be able to move the interaction forward however you prefer to.
You ask for her number and she says no
This has only happened to me when I try to get a number too quickly, before a girl has a real impression of who I am. This is feedback that you need to take a step back and have a real interaction with her.
Act like the rejection never happened and continue your conversation. Let her get to know you more as a person because, up to this point, she still thinks of you as some random guy she just met. Show interest in who she is as a person beyond a surface level, talk about her passions and beliefs, connect with her on topics she really cares about, and she will start to care about you.
Again, it would be good to disqualify her at some point, because this changes the dynamic of the interaction in your favor. Whenever a girl rejects you it’s good to make it clear that you are perfectly comfortable with rejecting her as well.
After you have connected on a human level, say, “You’re fun to talk to, we should be friends, let’s get coffee sometime.”
She will most likely agree to this request now that she knows you better.
She says, “I’m not going to have sex with you”
Last time I got this objection, the girl who said it mentioned this three times during our interaction. But, later, on my couch, she said, “Please fuck me already.”
Why? Because when a girl says she isn’t going to have sex with you, this almost always means that emotionally, she wants to, but that to do so would make her feel like she’s too ‘easy’. By saying she won’t sleep with you, she can reinforce the narrative that she’s a classy girl who doesn’t have one night stands (because she’s let herself believe that how long you take to have sex with someone is important due to cultural norms).
When she says she isn’t going to have sex with you, say something like the following, “Aww, what made you think I want to?” Even if she does try to come up with a logical reason, you can easily disprove it, for example, if she says, “Well, we were making out on the dance floor.” You can say, “Do you sleep with everyone you make out with?”
Obviously, she will have to say no. As soon as she does, change the topic, and go back to vibing with her. There you go, done. Now you’ve flipped the dynamic so that she is no longer confident she can sleep with you. The fact that she thinks she has to win you over will make her emotional desire to sleep with you even stronger, thus increasing the chances it’s going to happen if you lead the interaction forward.
Objections can’t be overcome 100% of the time, but if you approach them with the right mindset and strategy, they can be overcome often enough that you’d be shooting yourself in the foot not to try.
Besides, learning to face objections head on is one of the best ways to improve your game, it forces you to learn to handle social pressure well, to be unreactive, and to create your own positive emotions. Either you overcome her objection, or you learn a valuable lesson.
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PS: This was a segment from my new book, The 23 Laws of Seduction.Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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