Decoding what women really want can seem like trying to solve a Rubik’s cube in which each square is a different color.
In many ways, what turns a woman on is fundamentally different from what turns a man on. Research has found that one of (if not the biggest) turn on for women is their desire to be desired.
Evolutionary psychologists believe women desire to be desired because intense desire from a man signals his faithfulness. Evolutionary psychologist David Buss explains this through an unlikely source, romance novels, “Readers identify with the heroine as a powerful and compelling object of male sexual desire. The heroine has sexual control because the hero’s overwhelming passion for her ensures his sexual fidelity to her. In essence, the hero becomes dependent on the sexually powerful heroine.”
Women have an unconscious desire for a man who is so sexually attracted to her that he loses control of himself. This signals to her that when she mates with him, he won’t abandon ship and leave her to take care of a helpless child alone. This explains why rape fantasies are so common among women. It’s not because rape is intrinsically sexy, it’s because for a man to rape a woman, he must be so desirous of her that he would risk everything, his entire life, just to have her.
What triggers a woman’s desire to be desire is what is sometimes called sexual intent. I’ve seen time and time again, that strong intent, by itself, is a huge turn on for a woman. She can feel it in her bones when you have a genuine, confident desire for her, and it makes her feel the same towards you.
It’s the most powerful trigger for sexual attraction there is, and when you feel a strong sexual intent, you will be shocked at the ways women respond to you. They’ll start saying things like, “We shouldn’t be left alone in a room together” or, “I haven’t felt butterflies like that in years.” Intent is what sweeps a woman off her feet.
Intent can seem like a woo-woo concept, but it’s well grounded in experience. To understand what intent means, consciously think of a sexy naked chick. You will (hopefully) feel turned on when you do this. That’s using intent. Intent is simply your desire to project a certain feeling, whether it be a tingling sensation to your hand, or a feeling of sexual desire to a woman. No, you’re not sending her magical seductive laser beams, you’re simply projecting your desire for her, and she can feel it. Just like you can feel when someone’s angry at you, you can feel when someone desires you sexually. Intent isn’t a Jedi mind trick, it’s an extension of your state of mind. If you’re feeling anxious and unentitled, women will feel that off of you, and no matter how much you affirm to yourself, “I am projecting a strong sexual intent,” it’s not going to work unless you feel that way internally.
Intent is a consequence of the actions you take. If you spend your night out approaching women and putting on a pickup shtick or being an entertainer, you’re walling yourself out from projecting any genuine emotion to the people you interact with.
Intent requires a lot of vulnerability. To start projecting your intent, what you need to do is to start making yourself more vulnerable. I do this by making a very direct statement of intent even when I’m uncomfortable doing so. If I’m talking to a girl, and I’m feeling defensive and nervous, I will say something like, “Sorry I’m being kidna weird, honestly I’m just feeling nervous because you’re intimidatingly attractive.”
As soon as I say this, I feel the weight that was previously making me defensive and anxious lift off my shoulders. By making myself vulnerable I free myself to feel genuine intent. Oftentimes, the interaction with the girl who I am vulnerable with turns around, too. Sometimes it doesn’t, but either way, my night is always better for it because I get over my fear of letting women know I’m attracted to them, and in so doing I let myself feel attracted to them emotionally.
Tl;dr- intent is simply your emotional desire for a specific outcome (with a woman). We don’t show intent because we’re afraid of getting rejected if we make ourselves vulnerable. To change this, make vulnerable statements of intent, tell a girl she is so attractive that she’s making you feel nervous.
References: Psychologist Marta Meana: “For women, being desired is the orgasm.” http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/25/magazine/25desire-t.html?pagewanted=all https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-007-9208-x
Meston, Cindy M.; Buss, David M.. Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between) (pp. 206-207). Henry Holt and Co.. Kindle Edition. A Plausible explanation is that being submissive can cause a woman to feel sexually desirable, and her sexual desirability, in turn, gives her power and control over her partner. Overall, we found that two reasons women gave for having sex—“ I wanted to submit to my partner” and “I wanted to ‘gain control’ of the person”— were related; statistically, they clustered together, suggesting that sexual submission can in fact be a means of gaining control.
Meston, Cindy M.; Buss, David M.. Why Women Have Sex: Understanding Sexual Motivations from Adventure to Revenge (and Everything in Between) (p. 208). Henry Holt and Co.. Kindle Edition.
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