At least 90% of your approaches should ‘open’, meaning the girl you introduce yourself is happy to talk to you for at least a couple minutes. I know one guy who gets about 10% of girls to open, and he makes the same obvious mistake on every approach he does.
If most girls aren’t responding well to you when they first meet you, it’s possible you have a blindspot to a similar mistake. Girls give some very clear signs as to what mistake you’re making, we’re going take a look at what those signs are and how to adjust course if your opens aren’t getting the kinds of responses you want.
If women ignore you, don’t notice you until you’ve been talking for a couple sentences, or in any way don’t pay complete attention to you, you’re playing it too safe. Playing it safe is often a defense mechanism, by being unassertive it’s less hurtful when you get ‘rejected’, because she never really met you in the first place.
When you’re playing it safe, women who do notice you will likely feel an immediate gut-level impatience towards you. They will feel like you’re trying to get something from them, like you’re a beggar on the street saying, “Change?” In essence, you’re apologizing for the fact that your approaching her, and ironically, this overly nice attitude will make her feel like she shouldn’t be interested in talking to you. When you approach too safely, you’re focusing on not getting rejected, rather than focusing on her.
Meekness is apparent in both your voice and your body language. If at a club, women often don’t notice you, it has nothing to do with the music being too loud or the venue being too hectic. I used to use this excuse myself, but I’ve found that even in the loudest Vegas nightclubs, if I am purposeful enough in my approach, the girls will notice me every time. To combat any tendency towards playing it safe, try this, just for one night out. Begin conversations twice as loud as your instincts tell you to. Notice if the women seem offended by how loud you are or if they simply pay you more attention. There’s a good chance you will notice that talking at twice the volume you want too, isn’t too loud at all.
When playing it too safe, your body language will be small and closed. You can combat this by heading to a club’s dance floor during your night’s out. Don’t dance with the same half-assed head bobbing of most club members, dance with the heart of a champion. Dance as overzealously as you possibly can, totally let loose. Doing this loosens you up, and gets you comfortable in your own body, and afterwards you will find your body language is naturally more dominant.
This may seem counterintuitive, but I’ve made a point to loosen up this way for years at clubs. One of the compliments I get a lot, is that my body language is very good (which is a mildly strange thing to hear), my body language is good because I’ve gotten comfortable in my own skin in social environments by letting loose on the dance floor habitually. The third technique for combating playing it safe is the strangest, but it’s also very powerful. It’s called Osho’s dynamic meditation, and it requires you to get comfortable using both your voice in an exaggerated, and assertive way. (Link to Osho youtube demonstration/his website)
If you play it safe with your approaches, this needs to be rooted out immediately, because if you’re too meek you are massively limiting your results, if you play it safe women will talk to you out of pity, if at all.
An overly aggressive approach will certainly get a woman’s attention, but it’s also going to make her uncomfortable. An overly aggressive approach is worst during the day because just the fact that you’re opening puts a lot of pressure on a girl, and an aggressive approach can easily make her pretty nervous.
A man who aggressively approaches a woman will generally take up a lot of space and get very close to her, his voice will be loud, sometimes even invasively so, but the aggressiveness is mostly expressed physically and in your overall demeanor. The easiest way to notice that your approaches are too aggressive is by observing a woman’s overall body language. If you’re too aggressive women will pull back away from you(sometimes subtly), and they might even literally take a step back.
It can be difficult to notice that your approaches are too aggressive, because aggressiveness works a decent amount of the time. It’s easy to think that when your approaches go poorly it has nothing to do with you, and that it’s some factor about the girl (she has a boyfriend, for example).
If the large majority of girls aren’t initially responding to you positively, you’re doing something wrong. And if you’re playing it too safe, you’re probably being too aggressive. Although assertiveness can be sexually attractive, it can be intimidating, if a woman doesn’t trust you aggressiveness can make her uncomfortable.
This doesn’t mean you should eliminate aggressiveness and physicality in your approaches, because for women who are open to it, it can be a very effective, no bullshit strategy. An overly aggressive approach is almost certainly going to be man-to-woman, your intentions are being made very clear. To make this work consistently, you must develop your ability to notice signs of discomfort. Whenever a woman steps back from you or averts your gaze nervously after you’ve approached her, you need to calibrate your approach and take a step back as well.
And I mean that literally, consciously make a point to take a step back from any girl who gets a bit nervous after you approach her, make this a habit. Doing this shows her that you’re socially aware and that you respect her boundaries. This sign of social intelligence is very attractive, and oftentimes, taking a step too far, but then taking a step back will build sexual tension.
Whenever a girl is uncomfortable with your approach, you can also say, “I’m Sorry if I came on too strong, I’m just too outgoing sometimes.” She’ll appreciate that you were considerate enough to acknowledge her feelings, and she will feel flattered and more comfortable around you afterwards. Aggressiveness is sexually attractive because it is a demonstration of masculinity and sexual intent, however, it’s important to understand how women feel, to show some compassion, and be aware enough to take a step back in response to her discomfort.Follow me on Snapchat to see daily infield footage (approaches, makeouts, pulls) Username: AveryGHayden
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